Justin Moorhouse
@justinmoorhouse
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Comedian then Dog Walker then Parent. Undercover Vegan. Podcaster BRAND NEW SHOW @edfringe 24 @3045podcast #nopromises #benice Artwork by @stan_chow
Joined November 2008
I'm excited to share the trailer for my special Stretch and Think. Join my mailing list for early access
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Oh my. People actually complaining that Doctors in Oldham are vaccinating the homeless. Where's your empathy lads? They vaccinated 23 people. 23 people without a home. @BBCNWT.
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I can think of nine people called Fred I’d rather see in United’s midfield and two of them are serial killers. #fred #thefootball.
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I’ve watched this 17 times. Still laugh every time.
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A year after he passed away we sent our dad to the stars as he wished tonight.
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I was looking forward to joining Helen Skelton on 5 Live tomorrow as her presenter’s friend. I've decided that whilst the BBC has to sort out their position on Gary Lineker, I can't appear. I'm no big deal, I know but I support free speech.
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I’ve had a tough 12 months and I’m not ashamed to say that I’ve needed some help. Talking, therapy, friends and more importantly family have helped. Also I’ve got a great doctor who listened brilliantly and I’m currently taking Sertraline. #WorldMentalHealthDay.
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Lockdown x International Break = The worst weekend ever.
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Appointing an interim until we get an interim. Club is a joke from top down. Mismanaged. Catastrophic decisions. Meanwhile the sharks that are the Glazer family take the big wages. It’s disgusting. It’s inevitable but still tough to take. Good luck Ole. You’ll always be a hero x.
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A year to the day since our Dad passed away this bad boy is going up tonight - to clarify there’s some of his ashes in there. Genuinely what he wanted.
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Thinking of the families and friends of Wilma McCann, Emily Jackson, Irene Richardson, Tina Atkinson, Jayne MacDonald, Jean Jordan, Yvonne Pearson, Helen Rytka, Vera Millward, Josephine Whitaker, Barbara Leach, Marguerite Walls and Jacqueline Hill today. ❤️.
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I've not had a drink for ages. Well 5 years 10 months and 23 days. Got an app haven't I 🤣🤣 Come close this week. Glad I didn't. It's tough sometimes. Anyone else feels that way I’d urge you to talk to your mates x.
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It’s. Rebekah Vardy.
Today we'll be announcing the recipient of this year's Nobel Peace Prize. There's only a few hours to go!. #NobelPrize #NobelPeacePrize
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Thought about this all day, gutted GM in Tier 3, sad for my pals who are really suffering, for my family members who will struggle further due to perhaps a politically motivated decision? On reflection I’m glad @AndyBurnhamGM and the 10 leaders stood firm though. Principles.
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Not had a drink for 6 years today. I was a knob when I was drunk sometimes. I don’t have that excuse anymore. Still - glad about it. Good luck to anyone thinking of giving it a miss. 👍
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PMQs. LAB - You’re a liar. I’m not. SNP - Resign. I shan’t . LIB DEMS - Get out . Wait for the enquiry . CON - Would the Prime Minister join me in congratulating Edith my constituent on her delicious cakes she baked for the recent Xmas fair in our village?. Yes of course.
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Have some fun watching my worst day at work.
Personal favourite outtake - full clip is around five minutes long, nevertheless enjoy! Step up @justinmoorhouse 🤝
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Hope the van is ok.
The government tell us that the fuel crisis is easing…. I went to 7 petrol stations this morning and there was no fuel at any of them. Was then hit by a van whilst stationary at a roundabout. Great start to the day!.
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With the obesity epidemic amongst Americans there's going to be a lot of Mexican kids crossing the border unintentionally.
Artists installed seesaws at the border wall so that kids in the U.S. and Mexico could play together. It was designed by architect Ronald Rael. ..Beautiful reminder that we are connected: what happens on one side impacts the other. 🇲🇽 ❤️ 🇺🇸
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My 13:50 client Patricia was gutted she didn’t get @JasonManford for her trip to get her jab. She was delighted when we bumped into him at the centre. Cheers Jason. Selfie was for me to be honest x
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It’s no good the media talking down fuel shortages now. Almost mocking people panic buying. They didn’t have to mention the tiniest amount of petrol station closures at all in the first place. You can’t blame people - they’re led by irresponsible reporting.
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Want a positive today? Mancs literally being turned away from blood donor centres as they’re overwhelmed. That’s humanity right there. #mcr.
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Be prepared to be annoyed by Wordle today - those that actually speak the correct English.
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I remember being in intensive care for months after catching a trampoline accident from someone.
Covid is a horrible disease but it is very, very, very rare for it to impact children. They are still at far more danger from journeys in cars, or swimming, or trampolining than Covid. Please do not let anyone persuade you otherwise.
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If I were Ten Hag, knowing I was getting sacked, I’d simply pick a bunch of crocks, underperformers, and overpaid bad players against City tomorrow. Oh hang on.
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Pepe looks like that bloke you find in every pub who can get you anything and is dead good at pool, whilst being a very young grandparent.
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Dear The News. Can I point out again that I never travel unless my journey is necessary. What do you think I am? A wandering dickhead?.
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Yeah. Chips. 1/2 peas 1/2 curry. Don't @ me. Don't hate me.
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Called mum today; got her answerphone. She’s changed the message recently because she had to, she says her name, pauses, there’s a weird catch in her voice when I think she might say my dad’s name as well. It hit me. Love and live as much as you can.
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You Only Live Twice.
Tanya Roberts Is Still Alive, Despite Her Rep Having Said She Was Dead.
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Love football me. Highs like yesterday always mask the dreary. Sad today though to see those awful images. Imagine being a person that sings about other people dying and revelling in it because they support or play for another team. Embarrassed for their families.
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My nephew works on the gas on the road - digging holes and that. He’s just told me that they often get a Just Eat from Greggs delivered to the hole where they are. I’ve never been prouder of him.
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I went for a walk with my son yesterday. As he tied his boots I remarked that he tied them exactly like I did. He looked up and said “of course I do, you were the one who taught me to tie my shoe laces”. 🥾🙌❤️
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Just told my imaginary friend he’s been nominated for Imaginary Friend of the Year. He’s made up.
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You'll see my daft head on @ITVTonight talking about the volunteer driving for Stockport Car Scheme - taking people for their COVID jabs
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Not always sure of tweeting after someone dies, but Jeremy Hardy was the gentlest,kindest,funniest person. He was just brilliant with me when I worked with him on the radio. Encouraging, supportive and just a nice bloke. I’m grateful for having met him and known him a little x.
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I don’t follow Rugby League but what Kevin Sinfield has achieved is no surprise. That sport seems to be a real family. Well done all.
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This. But imagine he’s making love to you.
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Had a telephone appointment today with the orthopaedic department at Stepping Hill - it’s 4 years since I had my hip replaced. Genuinely changed my life. That hospital has had some tough times but I’m very grateful to all that work there and the #NHS as whole. We are blessed
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People coming back from Belgium on holiday to quarantine for two weeks. Not for COVID reasons but to have a good think about why they choose Belgium for a holiday.
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I love football and understand it's importance to many of us for cultural enrichement etc but the chat about when and where and how this season can be finished is fucking grotesquely obscene in the grand scheme of it all.
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Robbie Williams and Jamie Cullim covering Slade in a jazz/swing hybrid on The One Show. Bravo 2020 you’ve peaked.
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If you want to change the world, start off by making your bed. If you make your bed every morning, you will have accomplished the first task of the day. It’ll give you a small sense of pride, and will encourage you to do another task, and another, and another. Then get back in.
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A delightful @IlkleyPlayhouse last night I went from 0-CBA with a bloke on the front row. He’d been a pain in the arse for everyone on the bill. Him and his gf were belligerently drunk. When he told me my job was seeking his approval I decided to tell him it wasn’t.
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We're you even at school if you didn't know a kid who did karate but couldn't use it in a fight because he’d get arrested as he had a licence and then technically his hands were weapons?.
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The most naturally funny person to come from round here x.
Remembering the wonderful writer and performer Caroline Aherne, 4 years to the day since her tragically early death.
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I’ll never not find this slightly worrying. The amount of people who don’t know this is wrong.
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There’s a sandwich shop in the Stockport suburb of Bredbury called Bread Brie and I’m glad I know this 🤣😳😳.
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Wouldn’t be where I am now etc etc ❤️.
The celebrated Channel 4 sitcom Phoenix Nights marks its 21st birthday today.
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There’s no i in team. Unsurprisingly there are two in schizophrenic.
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Can’t believe I actually have to still say this. How many more people have to die before you wear a mask? So many people just don’t care. 😷.
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Dad’s funeral last week, just outside Bristol. Getting in the cars to leave one of the shorter undertakers sidled up and said to me in a thick West Country accent ’I have a ring to give to someone’ and that is the closest I’ll ever get to speaking with an actual hobbit.
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I think that oranges taste orangey. To clarify these are the views of Justin Moorhouse and not Sky Sports. #neville.
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You’ve failed.
What if my child does not want to support my football team?
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Have a read and a share if you fancy, if it’s not for you then fine. Have a good night x
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@trevor8sinclair He hasn’t been sacked. He’s resigned. He’s out of order. I don’t think he deserves sympathy. Possibly leaving alone now but he’s hardly dads done by.
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It’d be nice to see the easy partisanship stuff on hold on days like these. This isn’t about your club is better than another club. It’s about culture and community and legacy. The solidarity over the Super League plans seems short lived. #OurGame #GlazersOut.
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67% is surely a mandate for an independence referendum for Greater Manchester? @AndyBurnhamGM.
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Can’t breathe.
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Hey kids - don’t worry if you don’t get the Oasis tickets you wanted today. When I was your age I didn’t get the Oasis tickets I was predicted and look at me. This isn’t the end of the road for you. BTECs remain valid.
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Harry Kane has rightly and finally been recognised as discovering penicillin. Congratulations Harry.
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Philip Schofield - career. Cupboard.Closet.Bin. Tough game showbiz.
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Hope Jesse Lingard has a brilliant loan at West Ham. Clearly had a tough time recently; a local United fan coming through and playing for the 1st team is everything we are about. Hope he finds some joy. He’s not deserved some of the stuff being thrown his way. 💪🙌.
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I am bored of this sort of shit. Wake up - see a tweet from a mate - makes me smile, makes me think about him, retweet it to spread the joy and then this mood hoovering prick feels the need to give his unasked for opinion and @ the lad in. Just try and be nice or leave alone?
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I remember once watching a rugby player lose a leg and actually die in a match but carried on. Compare that to these soccer players who cry and dissolve if you glance in their direction. #men.
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Wow. It’s my birthday and my favourite restaurant isn’t open. At all. But they cooked for me. Thanks everyone @LilysVegi - I’m so happy to be your friend. Xxxx
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I’ve no real beef with any of the people involved in the game. I’m very much in favour of us being a republic in my lifetime. However, the amount of time the media is obsessed with the latest royal story is obscene when the country is in this state. I’m not alone, am I?.
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Bus replacement on Northern between Buxton and Hazel Grove.
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Woke up. Checked my phone. A mildly amusing post I did last night about one of the worlds most famous footballers seemed to have irked some corners of Twitter I’ve never seen 🤣🤣🙌🙌
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It is fitting that on the day we lost both Stephen Hawking and Jim Bowen it was the non-thrower that went first.
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Going to be excellent.
Jon and Lucy have been married for 5 years. This is a series about their lives. Meet The Richardsons (@RonJichardson and @LucyABeaumont), coming soon to Dave.
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Let’s look after each other yeah? The perhaps only good thing about the previous lockdown was the sense of community. Make sure our neighbours especially those that live alone and or vulnerable are ok. Keep smiling as much as possible. Wear sunscreen and all that x.
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Why does Woody Allen keep showing the Italian subs his latest script?
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