Elis James
@elisjames
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I present Friday 1-2pm with @nomadicrevery on BBC Radio 5 Live. Rep by Sara Ray at M&C Saatchi. Luxury player, doesn’t track back. Tocyn oes ar y trên grefi.
Joined February 2011
We've had two attacks in a fortnight on your watch, you fucking whopper
Very very very clear - Corbyn will never protect us against our enemies.
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I was home schooling my daughter today and I thought ‘I quite fancy a pint.’ I looked at my watch and it was 9.14am.
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I can’t think of anything that TV gets more wrong than adverts involving friends watching the football at home, usually to sell crisps, etc. Grown men watching TV with scarves on, etc.
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Wales have qualified for the World Cup. I have wanted this since 1990. I am actually lightheaded. I just can’t process this.
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My one year old son has just started walking, and loves to hold my hand as he toddles along. Odd to think that one day he will be 16 and almost certainly think I am a complete wanker.
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if you think smashing up an IKEA is funny you are a fucking dick.
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Taking my four year old daughter to her first football match. Not saying she's not up for it, but she's taking two colouring books and is dressed as Cinderella.
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Turkey 0 Wales 2. If only I could bottle this feeling. It’s heaven.
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All I’m asking for is an away trip, cans on the train, a late winner (3-2, having been second best all afternoon), the players to punch the air in front of us at full time & for a man whose name I don’t know but have been on nodding terms with since 2001 to compliment my new coat.
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Prior to the tournament, a lot of the pundits said we were the worst team in the group. See you in Amsterdam
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Holland’s kit at this tournament is the wrong shade of orange and I will not be silenced on this.
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@FootballCliches Hahahahahahahaha. ‘Tony! You’ve brought your football to watch the football, nice one!’.
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I’m in Port Talbot. Bought my three year old daughter an apple juice and they served it to her in a Stella glass. #Wales.
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Massive. Absolutely massive it is.
Sky orders a 16 episode reboot of Baddiel & Skinner's Fantasy Football League, with @realMattLucas and @ElisJames as the new hosts:
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Just talked to a 16yr old neighbour about her GCSE revision - the distractions posed by phones, the internet, etc. Difficult to explain to her that when I was revising for my GCSEs in the 90s, I would often take an hour off to just stare at a wall.
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I love that she grew up in Bromley. I take my daughter to Bromley all the time for a treat because it’s our nearest Claire’s Accessories.
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I’ve watched this countless times over the years and it somehow gets worse with every viewing. When it was filmed Jamie was 12 and Michael was World Player of the Year and had won five trophies with Liverpool in six months.
Remembering when Michael Owen gleefully smacked 22 consecutive volleys past a 12 year old from point blank range. “I just love volleying – poor old Jamie has no chance."
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Bale 2 Austria 1. When it matters, he matters. He is quite simply our best ever. Cawr o ddyn.
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Whatever you think of the new material, or his voice, you have to accept Liam Gallagher as one of the great coat wearers of his age.
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The funniest tweet I have seen this year.
"Hi Peter, can you just give us a nice touching tribute on what Laurie Cunningham meant to you please". "Sure, no worries. "
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Took my four year old son to his first football coaching session today. He’s wearing full Wales kit and I’m wearing a Wales tracksuit, just to let any potential England scouts know where we stand as a family on the thorny issue of him being dual qualified.
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Isy’s gone to bed. I should load the dishwasher really, but I’ve lost all my confidence.
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Fascinated by the men whose replies to tweets about women feeling frightened basically boil down to: ‘Frightened? What’s all the fuss about? If you look at the statistics, men are actually more likely to be murdered, and when we’re murdered we just put up with it’.
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Odd old feeling, having to defend the language I speak to my mum on the phone from attacks by English journalists who now live in France.
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Football’s always been a shit sport, I don’t know what all the fuss is about.
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Trying to write a piece about Bale for the Guardian. Impossible to distill into 1000 words. I’ve got to his second goal for Wales in 2007 and am on 822 words already. He was a titan. Colossal. I actually think he changed the country. We were lucky to have him.
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Real Madrid are out of Europe. I sincerely hope that Gareth Bale is at home, polishing his golf clubs and laughing his head off.
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Solidarity with the women who’ve come forward today. It must have taken indescribable courage.
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Keep watching Bale’s free kick and bursting into tears on the train like a complete whopper.
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Pathetic how putting a few AAA batteries in a toy for a two year old makes me feel like I’m the chief mechanic on a Formula 1 car.
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Our boys don’t seem to have realised that the success of my career is directly related to their performances on the pitch.
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She also played international football for Wales. The woman is simply incredible. I find her absolutely awe-inspiring.
Lauren Price would have been put in care at 3 days old had her grandparents not taken her in. She grew up with a dream. The young Welsh boxer drove a taxi by night & trained in the day. She’s just won gold in Tokyo. Another incredible backstory of a warrior woman.
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‘Game’s gone’ rating: an era defining, unprecedented 10/10.
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If GMB want to go in a very different direction & employ John & I, on tomorrow’s show they could expect us to lead with Swansea’s draw at Blackburn, before ‘have you got a printer in the house?’ (8-8.30am), & then ‘have you ever seen a big celebrity in a small car? (8.30-9am).
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Well this is absolutely one of the best days of my entire life.
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I am absurdly invested in a man I don’t know going on loan to a club I don’t support.
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Wales 2 Hungary 0. Wales have qualified for Euro 2020. Ecstasy. This is ecstasy.
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The hour prior to the school run turns me into such a dickhead. ‘BRUSH YOUR TEETH COME ON, THINK! IT’S 8.39! WORK WITH ME, WORK WITH ME, WHERE ARE YOUR SHOES? IT’S 8.40 - SWITCH ON!’.
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I suppose I shouldn’t give this the oxygen of publicity, but it never fails to amaze me how many of these articles get written. The UK must be one of the few places in the world where bilingualism is somehow seen as a negative. And it’s dismissing hundreds of thousands of people.
Jonathan Meades asks why the Welsh Government is bothering to promote a moribund language:
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Very sad to hear about Sean Lock. I only got to work with him a few times, which was always exciting because I’d been such a huge fan when I was growing up. He was a jaw droppingly talented comedian. One of the very best.
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I’d love to know why Ramsey hasn’t come on. He’s made for games like this.
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Isy just said to me ‘you go “mmmm” after each mouthful of Weetabix you eat, every single morning’ with a vigour that suggests she’s building up the courage to leave me.
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Well, that’s me done with bacon, Carlsberg and bleak crime drama.
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Wales away in Montenegro, this was the scene a couple of hours ago. The rain has now reduced from ‘Biblical’ to ‘classic Welsh winter.’ Who knows if the game will go ahead. That said, a very drunk local just guessed my age as 26 so I’ve never felt more alive
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He’s retired. He gave Welsh fans moments we never thought we’d have. He’s the best we’ve produced in 147 years of Welsh international football. I never got to see John Charles in action, but I got to see plenty of Bale. Diolch, Gareth.
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Imagine being on the piss in Wrexham tonight. It will be absolutely fantastic.
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We’re recording this next week, it’s a dream come true. The dream of course being to load it with so many references to Swansea City and Wales that it borders on (without becoming) unwatchable.
Matt Lucas and Elis James are reportedly set to pilot a new version of Baddiel & Skinner's Fantasy Football League format, for Sky:
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Having a strong coffee before a drink has absolutely revolutionised middle aged boozing for me. I’m about to give the kids a bath with such a weird energy. ‘Splash all you like! I don’t give a fuck!’.
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Love the second ‘twat’ but also a huge fan of ‘with his trotters up’
Holy shit the only person left talking sense on Brexit is *squints* Danny fucking Dyer.
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It’s my sister’s wedding. My new brother in law (from Bolton) started his speech in Welsh, he’s been practicing for weeks. So proud of him!.
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A goalie whose wife has just gone into labour. Driving rain. Loads of those tin foil FA Cups. A goalscorer who was stacking shelves in Tesco less than two years ago. Now they're playing the champions in the next round. Have Newport County just achieved the perfect cup tie?.
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I saw this sign two days ago and I can’t stop thinking about ‘Worse’
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I have milk in the fridge that’s lasted longer than the European Super League.
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I just cannot imagine being enough of an extrovert to do this. I think I could be held at gunpoint and my answer would be ‘no, I’m fine actually’.
James Corden, Camila Cabello, Billy Porter and Idina Menzel stopped traffic in LA for a flash mob with a cover of Jennifer Lopez’s “Let’s Get Loud” to promote #CinderellaMovie
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Belarus 2 Gareth Bale 3. What did we do to deserve him? Who do we thank? Who do I pay?.
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Christ, @RMcElhenney is impressive.
🗣 "The word 'owner' makes no sense to me". Actor and new @Wrexham_AFC owner @RMcElhenney tells @Scott_Mills and @Chris_Stark how he views the responsibility of running a football club. Listen Saturday at 9am on @BBCSounds:
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When Isy asks me what I’m thinking about, it’s almost always this photograph
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Admittedly, this is a tweet for parents of young children, but bloody hell - imagine going for a pint with Bing.
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My 4yr old daughter just picked up somebody else’s litter in the street. When I asked why she said ‘because Santa is watching’.
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Netherlands 3 Wales 2. Bale equalised in the 92nd minute, Depay scored the winner in the 93rd minute. I have never taken my top off and put it back on again as quickly in my life.
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My 7yr old daughter has a friend round. I offered him beer or wine instead of water or squash, I did a great pratfall outside the house and have just pretended to have an allergic fit after eating a fishfinger. Do you know what? I’m having a great gig.
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Bristol City 0 Swansea City 1. Big rivalry, full blooded. 2,300 in the away end. And to the Bristol City fan who did wanker signs at us for the full 90 minutes, I don’t know if you’re employed by the club but I have to applaud your commitment to the bit. Superb.
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Wales v Denmark in Amsterdam on Saturday. I can’t believe we’re now globally recognised as the bad guys.
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Here it is, a thousand words that could easily have been ten times that. Gareth Bale took us to places we’d never been before, and was that rare thing: a global superstar who was totally synonymous with Wales.
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Perfect, perfect. France 3 Wales 0. We ended our preparations for Euro 2016 by losing 3-0 to Sweden. This is all going according to plan.
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So did I.
Princess Charlotte already speaks two languages at just two-years-old.
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Saw John’s show at the Apollo tonight. It’s extraordinary. The last few shows he’s written (especially The Darkness of Robins onwards) have changed the game really. He’s world class.
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Just taken my daughter to her drum lesson. Wore a Velvet Underground t-shirt to show the teacher ‘that I’m pretty into music myself, actually’.
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Had the pleasure of interviewing @therealMickeyT today, and we had a kickabout afterwards. He said ‘you’ve got a good first touch, but I can always tell how good a player is from their attempt at the crossbar challenge.’ Well, well, well.
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My daughter’s a bit worried about going in to year 4. As I tried to reassure her by talking about the worries I remembered from going into year 4, she interrupted by saying ‘YES BUT YOU’RE FROM THE EIGHTIES. AND IN THE EIGHTIES THINGS JUST SEEMED TO WORK THEMSELVES OUT’.
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I have never admired a footballer in the way I admire Marcus Rashford. What a man.
Footballer @MarcusRashford has visited a new foodbank depot named after his mother, Melanie Maynard. He gave #BBCBreakfast his reaction to the recent government rejection of his campaign for free school meals to be extended over the holidays in England.
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Running for a train. I’m wearing trainers, & I don’t have a bag - the conditions are perfect. I regret to inform you that at 41 the famous turn of pace that got me out of so many sticky situations, has gone. I’ve had a great career & hope to leave the house earlier from now on.
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Two shows at the Lyric in Carmarthen tonight. Over 700 punters. Bit odd actually, considering Welsh is a dead language.
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I must have watched this 60-70 times now.
BREAKING 🚨🚨🚨. The GB News alternative Match of the Day was better than any parody we could have come up with.
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Had a couple of pints. Gone for a Chinese with Robins. I fucking love the guy.
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Just held my three week old son in my arms and thought ‘one day, he’ll probably lose his job to an algorithm’.
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Netherlands 2 Wales 2 after 92mins (Bale). Netherlands 3 Wales 2 after 93mins (Depay). I think I’ll pop the old top back on actually. All the best, take care, God bless, tara
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If I wasn’t into football I would get into football and then I’d be delighted I’d got into football.
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I just told my 6yr old daughter that when I was her age we did PE lessons in the pants and vest we happened to be wearing that day, and she was quite simply stunned.
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It was a genuine dream come true to make a documentary about the history of Welsh football. And a rare alignment between BBC Wales commissioning policy and my #brand.
In a brand new series, comedian, presenter and lifelong football fan @elisjames looks at the highs and lows of Welsh footballing history. Elis James: Football Nation.Monday, 10.45pm - BBC One Wales
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Game one of Project 2022 (play as much football as possible) over - making up the numbers for the dads at @robbeckettcomic’s daughter’s school. Playing again on Tuesday, I should have sat deep, dictated the tempo, but I played up front BECAUSE I AM AN ADDICT AND GOALS ARE MY FIX
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Isy has started doing stand up again. She has just dropped the bombshell that her new material is basically ‘all observational stuff’ about me.
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Just told my 7 week old son that if he falls asleep within the next 10 seconds I’ll give him £4,000 in cash, and he’s not interested. Beginning to worry he’s thick.
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25 years after seeing @Tim_Burgess wear it in The Charlatans video for How High, I finally have the jacket I looked for so much as a teenager. @hikerdelic have done a great job
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If I were an Italian footballer, I can’t work out if I’d prefer to be a no-nonsense hard man defender or a flamboyant number 10 who weeps when he scores.
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Looking for squirrels in the park. A nice couple came up to me and said ‘if your daughter wants to see rats instead, there’s a few under that bush over there’ and I thought ‘what a lovely London story’.
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I just put my daughter’s hair in a (very basic) ponytail and my amazed dad has started referring to me as ‘Vidal Sassoon’.
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An all English final in an European competition feels like going to a restaurant & ordering a meal you routinely cook for yourself at home.
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Honoured and humbled to made an Honorary Fellow of my alma mater Cardiff University, and thrilled to speak at today’s graduation ceremony. Well done the class of 2023! Congratulations! You did it! It was also great being there with my mum. Diolch enfawr i fy rhieni
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