prepare for the longest nautical metaphor you’ll hear today

Someone from @piersmorgan's staff asked if I would like to come onto Pier's show, Piers Morgan Uncensored, to talk about the state of his attire. Since he invited feedback, I thought I'd do a thread comparing his style to menswear icon Kermit the Frog. 🧵

Sprinkling some water on my naans before I put them in the oven

last thing the bowl of sea salt and balsamic vinegar kettle chips at the dinner party where i only know one other person and they’ve just gone to the loo sees

Love how charmed this fella is by the torn open packet of crisps in a pub for everyone to share

interviewer "are you reading from a script?" me: "no why"

https://t.co/fzgt76WZud

Hancock needs to go back in the jungle to redeem himself again. An endless cycle of public humiliation followed by attempted rehabilitation through the consumption of animal genitals as each new piece of information about him comes to light.

2 year old daughter just had her first ever crisp sarney (quavers in farmhouse and cheese spread, very sophisticated) and she made it her sen! So proud 🥰 a British culinary delight! 🥔🥪🇬🇧 https://t.co/61mkFjI9XU

Its 2023.William is on the throne. The funeral for Elizabeth went on so long Charles died before it ended. The queue to see his body was added to the one to see the queen and starts at Tebay services on the M6. Tmrw marks the 1st anniversary of the center parcs massacre.

Clap outside at 7pm

Not only is the #Rwanda policy morally abhorrent and contravening #international #refugee law - it will have serious mental and physical health impacts for those forcibly deported. #StopTheFlights Read what medical orgs in the UK have to say 👇 https://t.co/dCYLYSWXXR

https://t.co/kNWTIdGTVD

https://t.co/aMnjynIBi1

I'm a juvenile prick, but I couldn't help it

The £20 benefit cut is the most morally indefensible thing I’ve seen in politics | Gordon Brown

My favourite thing on Twitter is when someone completely drops their online persona to demand answers from a train company / broadband provider.

What time is the Harry & Meghan dubplate dropping?

tbh

and there’s more