Joe DeRosa
@joederosacomedy
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Statuses
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“Can’t leave Rap alone, the game needs me.” comedian/writer/actor - proprietor of @joeyroseshard8 sandwich shop
New York City
Joined May 2009
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I’ll say this now: if you wanna take someone’s job away because you don’t like a joke they made: FUCK YOU. If you wanna cancel someone over a joke they made when it’s their job to make jokes: FUCK YOU. Mute me, block me, unfollow me, unfriend me. FUCK YOU.
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Not one person pissing and moaning over the new
#DaveChappelle
special will mention his doing a free show for shooting victims this week. Also...anybody else sick of
@VICE
acting super woke? Your 17 year old reporters might not remember what your mag was like in the 90s, but I do
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The
@MikeTyson
incident is a perfect crystallization of the punks people have become. Push, push, push, then get socked, then whine about it. The guy’s friend actually says, “I don’t know what happened.” What happened was people forgot about the concept of “I fucked up.”
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Christ, why does every cooking recipe on the Internet now begin with a two page journal entry? I don’t give a fuck about your warm memories of paleo pancakes just show me the fucking ingredients I need I’m hungry.
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Comedians today ain't shit. Policing each other because the media is telling us to? You mother fuckers don't know how divide and conquer works? The media wants to be us and they can't. They don't have the talent or skill. So they figured out a way to have us eat ourselves alive.
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Being an employee of the company that owns Fox News and then getting offended when Rudy Giuliani appears on your TV show is like working at Mcdonald and pitching a fit when Grimace shows up. Also, you judge The Masked Singer. Dignity and honor left the building long before this.
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Will Smith is having an emotional breakdown. Anger, rage, violence, tears. He needs help. Everyone who stood and applauded is an enabler. They will also be the first to throw him under the bus when he does something truly insane that contradicts Hollywood’s moral agenda.
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Excited to be back doing the dirty doctor thing! Fun times as always with the great
@mrbobodenkirk
and my first scene ever with the stellar
@rheaseehorn
!
Something tells us this is more than just a check-up.
We're almost at the end of part one of
#BetterCallSaul
's two-part final season. The penultimate episode premieres Monday at 9pm on
@AMC_TV
and
@AMCPlus
.
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This video is the laziest effort for hope and change since actual John Lennon laid in a bed and called it a protest.
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To the comedians attacking other comedians, here’s an idea: we all don’t have to do the same stuff. Comedy can have sub-genres, just like music. Never saw Kenny Rogers screaming at Fugazi to be more like him.
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Somehow Neil Young thought depriving us of his music was a punishment.
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If you write “sigh” as a comment you’re a stupid fuckin asshole and that’s just the way it is.
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This is a headline, not a meme. ARREST THE OTHER COPS.
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Stop referring to terrorists as "Islamic" terrorists. If you do, start referring to ALL THE WHITE shooters as "White" shooters.
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This new Matrix isn’t good but it does make me wanna stop taking my meds and jump off a roof.
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Watching Eyes Wide Shut and it’s about to be Pants Wide Open over here! Folks…
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Remember when we were kids and someone would tattle and the adults would say, “No one likes a tattletale”? Well now those adults are dead and those tattletales are the adults and now the adults LOVE tattletales.
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I gave up pork for Lent so I’m excited for it to end so I can finally talk to
@chrisdcomedy
again. God, that pig!
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I got into one little fight (at the Oscars over a joke about my wife) and my Mom got scared…”
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Who are these maniacs running coffee shops that don’t open until 10 AM? That’s like having a pizza place to closes at 3 in the afternoon.
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Remember when weed culture was so mysterious and cool? And now it's might as well be a fucking strawberry daiquiri.
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Why did the uncle have sex with his wife during the pandemic? Because she had Auntie body. You know, folks...
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The Black Keys have released another masterful album of music for car commercials!
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I believe
@MichaelRapaport
has officially said it best...
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You know things are bad when you think, “Let me turn on the Epstein doc to take my mind off stuff for a bit.”
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Thank you
@RIPAriShaffir
and
@joerogan
for the kind and lovely words about
@joeyroseshard8
. Happy holidays, boys!
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Maybe today you can work on yourself instead of worrying about somebody else.
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The sooner we stop trying to be a country of unified states and start embracing ourselves as a collective of independently sovereign regions, the happier everyone is going to be.
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Cardiologist is over an hour late to see me for my stress test…because you wanna get the patient as worked up as possible before checking their heart.
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I dont usually jump in on shit like this, but I’m getting tired of certain folks taking shots at
#skankfest
& acting like it’s all good. It’s not all good. You’re insulting fans & a large, working portion of the comedy community, many of them your so-called friends & colleagues.
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I love
@GameStop
. People hate them but they absolutely came through for me this Christmas in charging me for a
@NintendoAmerica
Switch that I never received and then never giving me a refund. They also have been great and not responding to the case they forced me to open.
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You can be pro-vax and still think Neil Young is a putz. Goodnight.
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I just bumped into and said, “Excuse me,” to pole in a bar. I might be drunk. But who is judging?
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Finally saw my name in the
@latimes
and it was in the exact context I always knew it would be. Shout out to
@NickiFoxxx
. We made it homegirl. Thank you Julie Seabaugh for writing such a wonderful article on such an amazing event.
#skankfestforlife
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Is the person in front of me at the pharmacy never not having a problem?
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Keep in mind: not one of these comics piling on Chappelle right now would be doing so had they been invited to the Ohio shows. I don’t care what side of this debate you’re on, the point is comedians are full of shit.
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Bad Vegan is a docu-series about a vegan woman who loses everything because she actually believes her boyfriend can make her immortal and this is why I eat meat.
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Always nice to hear from the fans.
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Took about five minutes on social media just now for me to decide, “Yes, I will in fact drink again today.”
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Been watching a lot Cheers. Great show, but utterly insane. People drinking all day everyday, from morning till close, half of them on the clock for their respective jobs. One of them is a psychiatrist.
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Ladies and gentlemen and all fellow
#TASTEBUDDIES
: Despite his vehement pro-burger argument on the latest episode of
@tastebudspod
,
@SalVulcano
celebrates
#tacotuesday
as I type this! And his hard shell remains in tact after two bites!
#BurgersVsTacos
#nopreshnetwork
on
@YouTube
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Here’s a teaser of Monday’s
@tastebudspod
w/
@bertkreischer
#alopeciachallenge
•
We stand by comedians but we also support all those who suffer from alopecia and other hair loss conditions. So let’s raise awareness w/ this challenge rolling!
•
Remember: only slap the consensual
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Yet another punk-ass NYC cyclist just blew through a red light and almost hit four pedestrians. Dude didn’t even try to brake. These worms ignore red lights and yield signs. One of them is going to catch it one day and catch it good. I just hope I’m there to see it so I can laugh
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I could give a rat’s ass about Joe Biden but these two broads are classless pigs.
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Nothing more heartbreaking than hearing a man lose his confidence half way through an Eminem karaoke song.
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I just walked by a cat adoption place and heard a woman say, “That special little kitten is going to turn into a big stupid cat,” and it was the truest shit I ever heard. I put that on God.
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I rarely tweet anything personal, but this is the last time I’ll be able to say, “I’m about to see the new Indiana Jones movie.” Literally got emotional typing this because I’m clearly coming mentally unglued…but that’s for another random personal tweet.
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The last thing I’ll say before bed is that every one of these “comics” piling on right now, saying they’re offended by tasteless humor, would do a roast in a heartbeat. In a heartbeat.
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The problem with the average city cyclist is they want to be treated like pedestrians and vehicles at the same time. The entitlement is just astounding. Stop passing the buck by saying operators of other vehicles act like jerks & start taking responsibility for your own behavior.
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Imagine being "edgy" enough to display this candle, but sensitive enough to want the dirty word censored.
Everybody is a f*cking child.
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I have finally accepted my political partisanship as someone who is hated equally by dumb conservatives and liberals alike.
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I’m at a “gaze-up-at-the-night-sky-with-dreams-of-being-a-starfighter” level of depressed.
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Finally…the My Chemical Romance Batman we’ve all been waiting for.
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I’m getting canceled today. Turns out sex with my first wife was technically considered necrophilia. You know, folks…
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Sadly, I can’t do the 2009/2019 selfie challenge on
@instagram
because I don’t hoard pictures of myself like a psycho.
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I admire those of you who, amidst this tragic loss, still muster the strength to post selfies. Your resolve knows no bounds.
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Oh great, the Clydesdale that lives above me is awake.
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A new level of nerd has emerged: someone who not only cares about but is invested in who will host Jeopardy. Get out if the Goddamn house, people.
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Just accepted a movie role where I play a transgender woman who’s transitioned back into a CIS male.
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Just offered Chinese food to a homeless man who was begging and he said, “I can’t eat that. I’m strictly vegan.” Might wanna loosen up the reins on that diet, big guy.
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1) Tweet a thought.
2) Become furious within minutes by most of the replies.
3) Ask, “Why the fuck do I come on here?”
4) Delete the original tweet because there is no hope.
5) Repeat the next day.
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Newspapers are on some Only Fans shit. “You wanna see the rest? You gotta subscribe.”
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My last tweet was potentially too harsh. I’ll say it more calmly: if you are into cancel culture, you align yourself with the 1980’s PMRC, Moral Majority, and Religious Right. Yes, THAT Right. If that’s where you wanna be, God bless.
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Is there a way to read the news without it leading to hating every single person you know?
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This platform needs to be torn to the fucking ground. Jesus fucking Christ. Destroy it.
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Could every TV news story not involve Twitter responses? Never watched the news and thought, "What does the guy that likes Camaros think?"
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Why is it every cunt I encounter on this thing also happens to be a “proud dad”?
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Gonna start using the phrase “Umm, did I miss a memo?” all the fucking time and there isn’t shit you can do about it.
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Airing tonight! I’ve been promoting avoiding people for years but now it’s the cool thing to do. Stay inside, wash your hands, and *take care of each other*
And when things get back to normal, go see live comedy. Comedians need your support.
@comedycellarusa
@ComedyCentral
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This chode sitting next to me at the airport is playing a fucking mandolin.
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Happy Monday
#TASTEBUDDIES
!
Today’s
@tastebudspod
has
@auntieannespretzels
battling
@cinnabon
! It’s a mall brawl, ya’ll!
Video:
@youtube
Audio:
@spotify
@applepodcasts
etc.
🎤 -
@salvulcano
🎥 -
@homelesspimp
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The emotional transition you go through from watching a commercial where a child battling cancer gives another child battling cancer his Santa hat, into an ad where Ana Kendrick pretends she stays at Hilton Hotels so she can be their paid sponsor is truly something to experience.
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Wow, some piece of shit just stole my eBike. Good to see we’re all coming together again as a community.
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Nobody tries to flex tougher than a male bicyclist. You had any actual balls, bud, you’d be on a skateboard or scooter like a real man.
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Star Wars vs Back to the Future on this episode of
@tastebudspod
with guest
@bqquinn
. Available now on YouTube and every other streaming.
.
#starwars
#backtothefuture
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Nice of ABSOLUTE HOPELESSNESS to visit us again for the holidays this year.
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We’re at the “whoever has the conch shell” stage of leadership in this country.
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Folks I’ve been teasing a HUGE Salsa Windfall announcement for a while now and here it is: our NEW SINGLE Mouth On My Money is AVAILABLE NOW on ALL DIGITAL PLATFORMS. Go listen! And the NEW ALBUM Artificial Birth drops AUG 4!
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I love the faction of holier than thou LA comedians piling on and judging
@JessicaKirson
as the simultaneously make every possible desperate attempt to crack into the most unethical industry on the planet. “Your joke offends me! I’ll see to it you never work on my Amazon show!”
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New advertising campaign for my current stand up tour:
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Happy Monday
#BUDS
! Today on
@tastebudspod
it’s PIG vs PIG with DEROSA vs DISTEFANO! The mud will fly between guest host
@bqquinn
and
@salvulcano
!
Vid:
Audio:
Everywhere
@chrisdcomedy
@homelesspimp
Subscribe to the
#nopreshnetwork
on
@youtube
!
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Folks Salsa Windfall’s new album Artificial Birth is available everywhere you stream music! Spotify, Apple, etc. Go listen to it
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Am I really about to start arguing with a cartoon dog and fox on Twitter? I'm 42 years old. Death, I beg for your sweet release.
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Do violent movies/shows, video games, or songs inspire violence?🤷♂️But let's give credit where credit is do! THE NEWS MEDIA! Thanks to their lust for clicks and filling a 24 hr news cycle, they promote more violence in a week than the comprehensive output of all art forms combined
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Nothing more frightening than ordering an item from a menu with the words “market price” next to it.
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