Frank Conniff
@FrankConniff
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Writer, Comedian, TV's Frank | Author of 10 Books
New York
Joined April 2009
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#ڈر_گئے_خان_کی_جھلک_سے
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OPENING STORE WITH SAROCHA
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一つの作品
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Zelenskyy represents the people of Ukraine, but when he said, “Senator Rick Scott, please mute your mic,” he spoke for all peoples.
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Six dead, one for each Supreme Court Justice who voted to make sure it happens again.
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Okay, it's true, Jeff Sessions lied under oath. But let's not allow this to sully his long, distinguished record of outright racism.
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Wow, even Paul Ryan has stories about how awesome
@AOC
is.
Paul Ryan: AOC Wasn’t Too Interested in His Advice; Didn’t Listen ‘To a Thing I Said’
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Hamilton cast did not refuse Pence service. It's not like he's an LGBT person trying to buy a wedding cake in Indiana or anything like that.
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Rest In Peace, Kirstie Alley, a talented actress who did a lot of great work in film and TV. Also, Rest In Peace to all the non-famous people who died at least partly because of celebrities with big public platforms sending out anti-vax disinformation.
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Which one of these people look mentally ill? My vote is for the dude smiling as he takes another human being's last breath away.
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Chuck Todd to NBC exec: "So, you're moving my show to 1pm?"
NBC Exec: "Yep."
He never found out why because he doesn't ask follow-up questions.
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I'm 62, and I say to my fellow baby boomers: we gave the world Reagan, two Bushes, the Iraq War, and worst of all, The Big Chill, so shut the fuck up about millennials.
"I’m 60, and I say to the millennials: Put down the Facebook, Twitter, avocado toast, 'influencer' blogs, and VOTE. Save the snark for your elders, we have much experience," writes a reader on Bret Stephens's "Dear Millennials: the Feeling is Mutual."
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This is what people mean when they say Hillary ran a “bad campaign” — she said shit that was the absolute fucking truth, but said it while being a woman.
WATCH Hillary at Oct 19, 2016 debate warning Trump will try to break up NATO because it's on "Putin's wish list." She also predicts Putin was hacking 2016 election to help Trump win which was just confirmed by GOP led Senate Intel Committee. Like today Trump denies Russia did it:
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Apparently the Omarosa tape is shocking - Trump disparages the disabled, insults veterans and makes blatantly racist and sexist remarks. His presidency will not survive this.
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As much as I dislike Tomi Lahren, I believe it’s wrong to throw a drink at her. In fact, as a peace offering, I think someone should offer her a refreshing glass of water from, oh, let’s say, Flint, Michigan.
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Barney left this world today. In the last few days he suddenly became a very sick elderly cat and there was nothing the Vet could do. He looked after me for over a decade and a half and I am eternally grateful. Love you forever, my dear friend. Rest In Peace.
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Gennifer Flowers will remind Trump of something he is - an adulterer. Mark Cuban will remind hm of something he's not - a billionaire.
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My understanding is that a lot of women who went to Barbie did so with friends, dressed up in pink, laughed and were throughly entertained, then went for food or drinks afterwards, had a fucking blast on a weekend night. And it kills him. KILLS him.
Women used to build society. Now they dress in pink and bring a bottle of wine to an air conditioned theater to cry in solidarity with an actress lecturing America about how hard it is to be a woman, then ragetweet at people who don't like "Barbie."
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When I think of how close we came to electing a President who had once used a private email server, it just terrifies me.
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There is one interviewer and one interviewer only who should ever interview MTG.
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Not found in Botham Jean’s apartment: a reason for shooting Botham Jean in his own apartment.
DEVELOPING: Search warrant: Marijuana found in Botham Jean’s apartment after deadly shooting
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I’m not going to look at the Jeff Bezos dick pick because I don’t want to see what Amazon is going to recommend based on my viewing of it.
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I just couldn't bring myself to support Hillary Clinton in 2016. The loss of affirmative action and reproductive rights is a small price to pay when weighed against my status as an interesting person who says cool stuff like "I can only vote my conscience."
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Update: I had quadruple bypass surgery and I just got out of the ICU with a good prognosis for recovery. So grateful to all who sent me such warm wishes. I love all of you.
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Don't worry, the racist, sexist, homophobic, Jew-hating scumbag pieces of shit at Charlottesville rally support Trump for economic reasons.
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The
@nytimes
is the newspaper of record, and it is on the record that
@maggieNYT
refused to use the word "lie" throughout Trump's presidency, yet readily uses it for Biden over his granddaughter's wedding of all things. She is Trump's Leni Riefenstahl.
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If a child molester is necessary to enact your agenda, there is something seriously the fuck wrong with your agenda.
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Zelensky has achieved what was previously thought to be impossible: a modern comedian developing a huge following without a podcast.
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Trump has a decidedly unorthodox approach to this problem, but I have to admit, a nuclear holocaust is one way to end the opioid crisis.
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Somewhere on Cable News: "Last night, United Airlines became Presidential."
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My God, all that anti-semitism on Hillary's private email server was so disgusting...oh, wait, I mean on Steve Bannon's public website.
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In my opinion, Norm MacDonald was the funniest Weekend Update anchor. It's worth remembering that he was dropped because a high-level NBC executive thought he was too mean to OJ Simpson. Ah yes, Corporate Media, they always have our backs.
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I was booked to be in a fun show starting right now but instead I’m sitting in Lenox Hill Hospital waiting to find out if I’m getting a stent or open heart surgery (the latter being the more likely scenario). Ordinary, everyday life is precious.
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Trump boasting about starting a new arms race makes me so grateful to Wikileaks for exposing Hillary and Huma's chat about Creme Brûlée.
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Joel Osteen has announced that once Hurricane Harvey is completely over, his church will resume a regular schedule of fake Christianity.
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You think Mike Pence at Hamilton was awkward? Wait till Steve Bannon goes to see The Diary of Anne Frank.
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Imagine being Mark Zuckerberg. You're a young billionaire and the entire world is yours for the asking. You can do anything and meet anyone. Yet the thought that enters your head is, "I'd like to have Tucker Carlson over for dinner."
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Hillary's use of a private email server was a threat to national security, so it's a good thing we're in the capable hands of a Commander in Chief who was wiretapped by Michael Cohen, secretly recorded by Omarosa, and prank called by Stuttering John.
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In my lifetime there was a one term President who responded to defeat by spending the rest of his life deeply devoted to the cause of humanity. Seems implausible but honest to God, it really happened.
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However bad Steve Bannon looks, Anderson Cooper looks much worse for having him on his show.
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"Show us the place on the doll where Garrison Keillor bored you."
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Folks are criticizing Trump for smiling while posing with a baby whose mother and father were murdered, but as we already know, nothing makes Trump happier than when a child is separated from his parents.
This is the baby whose parents were murdered in El Paso, shielding him from bullets. Trump brought him back to the hospital so he could take a photo wirh the orphan as a prop, grinning with a thumbs up.
#Evil
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So sad to report that Millie has made the journey to the other side. She was not recovering from her kidney disease and she was suffering so I had to make a hard decision. I will miss her forever. My favorite thing about her was that she was the fucking best.
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I think writers should get fair wages even if they've worked on a show or a movie that I didn't like, but I guess I'd feel differently if I was a friendless incel.
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I'm pro-choice, and so are all my friends, but holy shit, Hershel Walker is REALLY into abortion.
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I hate having anything in common with Donald Trump, but it's Barron's birthday, and I also won't be spending any time with him today.
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The Monkees should have been a disposable manufactured lark, immediately forgotten, but instead they made a classic TV show and great pop music that will last forever. I had the honor of meeting Peter Tork, such a nice guy. Rest In Peace.
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Hillary's emails were the most covered story of 2016. But Stephen Miller's emails to Breitbart, which proved beyond any doubt that Trump's top adviser is a white supremacist, were a one day story and then corporate media moved on.
SCOOP Stephen Miller launched a secret effort to embed ICE officials at the US refugee agency that cares for unaccompanied child migrants (ORR), part of new push to gather enforcement data on migrant families
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I will boycott any performer who appears at Trump's inaugural as soon someone explains to me who they are and where I might know them from.
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Dr. Ford mistook her attacker for Brett Kavanaugh because she knew Brett Kavanaugh, and he looked exactly like Brett Kavanaugh, and he behaved exactly like Brett Kavanaugh, plus he was Brett Kavanaugh, so you can see how she'd be confused and get it wrong.
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If Roy Moore is allowed into the Senate it will mean that the Capitol Dome in Washington, DC lacks the moral standards of a shopping mall in Alabama.
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Ted Cruz will now never get to stand before the Supreme Court and prove his loyalty to the man who called his wife ugly and said his dad killed JFK.
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It's not just the Oscars, I hear a guy with a long history of hateful slurs is going to host the next State Of The Union address.
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I was fired from Sirius XM for being negative about Chris Christie so it's nice that I can finally talk about him using the word positive.
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Look, you may not agree politically with Jim Breuer, but you have to admit that he's not the least bit funny.
During the "ReAwaken America" event at Christian hate-preacher Greg Locke's tent church, former SNL cast member Jim Breuer mocked flu shots, vaccines, and Damar Hamlin.
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Being thrown under the bus by Steve Bannon is Donald Trump, Jr’s first experience with public transportation.
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I'm the reason most of you know about this film. I am so, so sorry.
Released on this day in 1966 was Manos: The Hands of Fate, the American independent horror film written, directed, & produced by Harold P. Warren. The is the story of a family that gets lost on the road and stumbles upon a hidden, underground, devil-worshiping cult.
#OnThisDay
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Trump boasts of heterosexual assault, while Milo Yiannopoulos defends gay pedophilia. Who says conservatism doesn't embrace diversity?
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I am sorry I called Nick Sandman a racist piece of shit. Now that I’ve read his letter, I realize I should have called him a lying racist piece of shit. I will try to do better next time.
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Fuck off.
Sinead O’Connor was a troubled soul who was badly educated. She was no more a “truth-teller” than are her fans who have written on this subject.
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Sean Spicer was so funny! Just like Trump when he hosted SNL! TV teaches us that racists & the liars who protect them are such good sports!
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Oh my God, reportedly there are tapes of Donald Trump not doing shit about Puerto Rico.
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Tucker Carlson was only joking when he did racist, sexist, homophobic segments on TV for the last several decades.
Tucker Carlson Claims He Was Only Joking When He Said 'I’m Serious, Why Shouldn’t I Root for Russia, Which I Am'
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If you have to clarify that your religious sect was not the inspiration for The Handmaid's Tale, there might be something wrong with your religious sect.
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Rose McGowan's tweets were distracting me from nazi hate speech and Trump's threats to blow up the world, so thank you, Twitter.
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I have. To read about racist Democrats, I go to history books. To read about racist Republicans, I pick up today's newspaper.
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Remember when the entire country mobilized to fight Nazis in the 1940s? That was some out-of-control wokeism right there.
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Jim Breuer's lasting influence on SNL is comparable only to the long term impact Richie Cunningham's older brother had on Happy Days, so this is some major news right here.
Comedian and 'Saturday Night Live' alum Jim Breuer says he will not be performing at venues that require proof of Covid vaccination for guests.
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I've been doing comedy for 35 years and I can honestly say that in all that time I've never met anyone in or out of the business who is even remotely as unfunny as Mike Huckabee.
I’ve decided to “identify” as Chinese. Coke will like me, Delta will agree with my “values” and I’ll probably get shoes from Nike & tickets to
@MLB
games. Ain’t America great?
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Then let's tear it the fuck apart.
Tulsi Gabbard: Impeaching President Trump would only "tear our country apart"
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Stephen Miller has a spray-on toupee because a spray-on Hitler mustache would have been redundant.
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There's a big shakeup in Fox News primetime, so here is an update on their new lineup of hosts:
8:00 PM -- Racist Piece of Shit.
9:00 PM -- Racist Piece of Shit.
10:00 PM - Racist Piece of Shit.
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Any psycho can just, without any background check, waltz into a Home Depot and buy a door. When will this madness end?
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It wasn't long ago that a man of grace, dignity, compassion and intelligence occupied the White House. It gives me hope just thinking about this great man. Happy Birthday, Mr. President.
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If it can happen to Trump, it can happen to any bigoted authoritarian rapist.
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They say there's tape of Trump using N word. But we already heard him use N word, he just paraphrased it as "Where's the birth certificate?"
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Dude, if you start playing Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon at the exact moment Dr. Oz starts speaking, it's so cool, 'cause the sound of the music drowns out the sound of this stupid fucking asshole.
Mehmet Oz says he disagrees with Fetterman's position that marijuana should be legalized because Pennsylvanians need to get back their "mojo" and get back to work
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Don't give me that "Hillary was a bad candidate" bullshit. Real-life Bond villains plotted against her and she still got the most votes.
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Lots of information floating around today about covid and the climate. But let's be rational. Before we come to any conclusions based on what scientists are saying, let's hear what the podcast hosts and pillow salesmen have to say.
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The children separated from their parents sitting in cages crying in terror aren't asking how Tiger played yesterday you fucking monster.
Everyone is asking how Tiger played yesterday. The answer is Great! He was long, straight & putted fantastically well. He shot a 64. Tiger is back & will be winning Majors again! Not surprisingly, Jack also played really well. His putting is amazing! Jack & Tiger like each other.
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Looks like John Kelly was too lazy to get off the couch and do something about Rob Porter months ago.
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If Trump has dementia, how come he always remembers to be racist every day?
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A truly Christian view of the next life, a place where slimeball sexual predators kick your ass.
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Millie’s in the hospital. When I first checked her in things seemed dire but today her condition greatly improved and I’m relieved to say she will be coming home soon! If you send her a prayer, she won’t give a shit, but I sure will.
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He switched from butter to Imperial Margarine.
(My references are older than the monarchy.)
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Don’t joke about Donald Trump Jr’s divorce. He’s been traumatized watching his kids torn away from him and put in detention centers...oh, wait, that’s not him, that’s the people of color suffering under his dad’s regime. Joke about the prick all you like.
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Neo-Nazis call for boycott of Rogue One, calling it "a Jew masturbation fantasy of anti-white hatred." Man, I had no idea it was that good!
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Bill Cosby may be free, but as a male comedian with a history of sexual abuse, the most he can expect from the comedy community is lots of bookings.
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I know it's gross and I shouldn't be tweeting it, but here is an Eric Bolling dick pic.
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Once we get the amount of covid cases down to Jim Breuer fans numbers, we can finally put the pandemic behind us.
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From now until the end of mankind, nobody should ever give a flying fuck about anything Kellyanne Conway might have to say.
Kellyanne Conway acknowledges Biden as apparent winner of the presidential election
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Nikki Haley did SNL tonight? Cool! Carol Burnett has never been on, but having one of the greatest sketch performers ever on a sketch show doesn't make nearly as much sense as inviting a humorless GOP pol to display her comedy chops. Kudos, Lorne!
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The
#Bernie2020
campaign is moving way faster than anyone could have imagined. Many of his supporters are already saying that he would have won.
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Bernie Sanders this morning: "I'll just put on a sensible coat, some warm mittens, and keep a low profile. Today isn't about me, it's about Joe and Kamala. Wonder if anyone will even remember that I came to the inaugural."
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I hope this defeat doesn't demoralize Steve Bannon to the point where he stops caring about his appearance and personal hygiene.
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This tweet that you willingly released is more damning than any email you've ever hacked, you stupid fucking douchebag.
#Boston
: 20k protest against "free speech" today. GOP controls gov+congress+supreme+cops. Give them the only thing you have left? Smart.
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James Woods' agent dropping him when he's not booking many gigs or bringing in much money is exactly the kind of moral courage I'd expect from an agent.
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This is a slap in the face to Spiro Agnew. And a shot in the face to Dick Cheney.
Joe Biden was the most corrupt Vice President in American history.
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