John Fugelsang
@JohnFugelsang
Followers
489,229
Following
19,596
Media
11,299
Statuses
100,031
comedian, actor, broadcaster & recovering cynic * SiriusXM #127 M-F * - Our podcast is daily on stitcher, Google, &
NYC, LA & The Beautiful South
Joined April 2009
Don't wanna be here?
Send us removal request.
Explore trending content on Musk Viewer
WIN AT BANGKOK 3024
• 188739 Tweets
#บางกอกคณิกาep1
• 185850 Tweets
Grok
• 131987 Tweets
#WeAreSeriesEP6
• 124390 Tweets
Pablo Marçal
• 120586 Tweets
어버이날
• 67553 Tweets
PondPhuwin WeAre EP6
• 52905 Tweets
Le 8
• 49128 Tweets
Alliés
• 46861 Tweets
#天音かなた爆誕2024
• 43500 Tweets
エンプレス杯
• 29023 Tweets
新シーズン
• 29015 Tweets
#SamPitroda
• 28854 Tweets
Natalie Elphicke
• 28733 Tweets
THE A'TIN OF SB19
• 26223 Tweets
自動車税
• 20016 Tweets
ネズミ混入
• 19119 Tweets
味園ビル
• 17257 Tweets
GOSE
• 17062 Tweets
みどりの窓口
• 16229 Tweets
ダンバイン
• 16071 Tweets
オーサムリザルト
• 12785 Tweets
B'zのGet Wild
• 12341 Tweets
Hey Putin - give us back Brittney Griner and we'll give you back Trump.
2K
13K
89K
As A Christian, I remind you that Jesus was a gun-loving nationalist who opposed abortion, immigration, labor unions, gay rights & Communists.
Oh wait; did I say Jesus?
Sorry, I meant Hitler.
Jesus did none of that.
That was all Hitler’s agenda.
790
15K
75K
If Kid Rock really does run for the US Senate I promise I will run against him.
After changing my name to "Kid Paper."
1K
5K
67K
Things Fox News has never cared about until a homeless person burned down their tree:
1. Homelessness
2. Trees
578
9K
66K
South Dakota currently enjoying 210k gallons of No Downside
So sad that Obama rejected Keystone Pipeline. Thousands of jobs, good for the environment, no downside!
3K
4K
5K
510
29K
65K
For I was a stranger & you tear-gassed me
I asked for asylum & you stole my children
I fled violence in my country from your drug war & you called me 'illegal'
But maybe
the next time evangelicals vote
they'll read the Gospels 1st
instead of electing
fucking Caligula
Amen.
1K
19K
62K
"I oppose abortion in all cases, unless it's to save the political life of the father"
374
10K
61K
I refuse to joke about Vanessa Trump bc it's NEVER funny when a couple files for an uncontested quick divorce, one where assets can be swiftly transferred, on the same day an independent special counsel subpoenas their family business. People, this could happen to you someday.
1K
18K
55K
I just received a 4-day suspension from the Turner Classic Movies Facebook page bc someone asked "Who's the greatest horror movie actor of all time" and I merely typed "Melania Trump."
3K
5K
52K
FOX just fired Diamond & Silk for promoting disinformation about Covid-19.
Because Diamond and Silk are held to a higher standard than, y'know, America's president.
1K
9K
53K
The people who preached herd immunity in 2020
are now the reason we won't reach herd immunity in 2021.
516
10K
52K
America's Racists: Always booing at demonstrations against racism, never booing at actual racism.
620
10K
51K
Sean Hannity reminds you:
Michael Cohen wasn't his lawyer
But he still expects attorney-client privilege.
And he has nothing to hide
But he ordered MC not to reveal him.
And He defended MC all week
But now MC's a liar.
And that's why Hillary Clinton must be stopped.
905
15K
50K
Ted Nugent called Hillary Clinton the exact same word and you invited him to the Oval Office, you corrosive hypocritical clot of congealed creamsicle spray-tan goo.
Why aren’t they firing no talent Samantha Bee for the horrible language used on her low ratings show? A total double standard but that’s O.K., we are Winning, and will be doing so for a long time to come!
43K
16K
86K
903
14K
50K
Thoughts & prayers to Rudy Giuliani,
who visited Staten Island today
and had his privacy and body autonomy
challenged by a man.
995
6K
48K
Donald Trump's lawyer Rudy Giuliani is on TV saying we can't trust Donald Trump's other lawyer because Donald Trump hires terrible liars to be his lawyers.
1K
11K
45K
"All Lives Matter" is not a movement. It's a taunt.
And if America really believed all lives mattered, we wouldn't need a Black Lives Matter movement.
2K
7K
46K
When I was in 9th grade the coach told me my sweater made me look gay.
I replied that was good, as I was trying to get his wife to leave me alone.
And that's the real reason why I failed gym.
531
2K
45K
Hi, I'm Larry Kudlow. I once had a 100k-per-month coke habit & a reality TV star picked me to manage your economy.
637
10K
43K
I like when people who told me to respect the Confederate Flag last month scream about respecting the US Flag this month.
#TakeTheKnee
642
14K
42K
Fake billionaire with fake tan, fake hair & fake teeth,who ripped off Americans with a fake online U & spread fake racist smear about a fake birth certificate to a fake news channel of fake blondes & this week tweets fake poll #'s to fake bot followers decries fake stuff.
I just cannot state strongly enough how totally dishonest much of the Media is. Truth doesn’t matter to them, they only have their hatred & agenda. This includes fake books, which come out about me all the time, always anonymous sources, and are pure fiction. Enemy of the People!
42K
16K
77K
996
14K
42K
If Kid Rock really does run for the US Senate I promise I will run against him - after changing my name ...to Kid Paper.
Taylor Swift wants to be a democrat because she wants to be in movies….period. And it looks like she will suck the door knob off Hollyweird to get there. Oldest move in the book. Good luck girl.
-Kid Rock
49K
22K
109K
804
4K
42K
Welcome to America, where "Democracy"means 51 senators beats 81 million voters
3K
7K
43K
Ken Starr went from impeaching a president for fellatio to performing fellatio on an impeached president.
527
7K
41K
(1). Here's a thread for anyone who's been conned into believing Donald Trump cares about the US military or our troops.
-Faked a disability 5 times to avoid a war he didn't oppose
-5 non-rich guys went to Vietnam in his place
-Tried to kick homeless vets off 5th Ave
1K
21K
39K
If you're just tuning in, Louie Gohmert just attacked Peter Strzok for cheating on his wife, in the context of defending Donald Trump.
Somewhere Irony is huffing gasoline fumes out of a brown paper bag.
680
10K
37K
I may in fact be in love with this woman.
2K
6K
35K
I can’t believe they made a Lord of the Rings prequel and didn’t call it “Better Call Sauron.”
#RingsOfPower
164
4K
36K
Hey Geraldo - we already have a "Trump Vaccine."
It's called voting.
381
3K
33K
Rand Paul
runs to Biden
for federal assistance
faster than Ayn Rand
ran to her mailbox
for Social Security checks.
457
7K
33K
Because “Obama divided us by race” always sounds better than “Obama really upset all the racists.”
Obama, "There is not a white America, Black America, Asian America, there is only Americans." Then he was elected and divided everyone by the color of their skin and ideology. If you don't know this, you're not paying attention.
12K
5K
24K
393
5K
32K
We've waited 20 years to see a Cheney punished for lying and instead we get a Cheney punished for not lying.
243
4K
33K
Jeff Flake, more upset at what a former president says than what a current president does.
This is an awful thing for one American President to say about another. Argue that he shouldn't be reelected, sure, but don't say that he wasn't legitimately elected.
37K
2K
8K
803
6K
32K
Neither Clinton nor Trump are implicated in the Epstein indictment but-
If Clinton was found to have abused girls w/Epstein, his base would reject him.
If Trump, shown here, was found to have abused girls w/Epstein, his base would reject the findings.
2K
7K
32K
The only people who believe Trump's a Christian are the one who believed Obama was a Muslim.
428
7K
32K
5 years ago today, they deleted White House website pages for civil rights, climate change, and LGBTQ.
On Day 1 they did this.
447
7K
33K
Somewhere in America, Donald Trump's 4th wife just finished her math homework.
1K
4K
31K
I support the removal of dead racist Democrat statues.
I also support the removal of live racist Republican politicians.
165
6K
32K
I was sick & you voted to gut my healthcare; I was an immigrant & you rejected your own reform bill; I was poor & you cut taxes for rich ppl
"For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, a stranger and you welcomed me"; Matthew 25:35
12K
2K
8K
409
10K
31K
Today is the 100 year anniversary of Franklin Roosevelt being stricken with Polio.
The US has been polio free since 1979.
Because of... well, you know.
353
7K
32K
1) That's BHO weeping for Newtown kids
2) Your pal Alex Jones says they weren't really killed
3) DT doesn't weep for anyone but damn does he whine for himself
4) It's spelled "mettle" you inmate-killing, cosplaying fascist twit.
OBAMA would have been found in a closet SOBBING if he had to deal with ESTABLISHMENT’S attacks.
@realDonaldTrump
has the metal to withstand.
16K
3K
10K
458
6K
31K
Jesus warns us not to trust people who pray in public so they can be seen doing so in Matthew 6:5.
Let's all pray for our new Speaker of the House, Mike Johnson.
3K
3K
28K
1K
4K
32K
Tulsi when you’re done calling Hillary Clinton a warmonger, Assad is ready for his foot massage.
JUST IN: Gabbard blasts "queen of warmongers" Clinton for suggesting Russia's grooming her to run as third-party candidate
317
159
552
926
5K
30K
Roy Moore:
-said America was "great" when we had slaves
-rejects the US Constitution for theocracy
-calls Native Americans "reds & yellows"
-claimed 9/11 was God's punishment
-says homosexuality = bestiality
-has sex w/kids.
Alabama GOP: taking the "Christ" out of Christianity.
511
13K
30K
Good Lord, people. One more time.
1. "Born in the USA" is NOT a patriotism song.
2. "Hallelujah" is NOT a Christmas song.
And for the love of God
3. "Perfect Day" is NOT a wedding song.
953
2K
32K
Hi, we're Hobby Lobby. We outsourced manufacturing to a country w/forced abortions but won't cover female employee IUD, cos we're pro-life.
420
9K
30K
BREAKING: Venezuelan Christian refugees illegally trafficked by Ron DeSantis warmly welcomed by every Martha's Vineyard restaurant that turns away Alan Dershowitz
1K
5K
31K
If you're a man who's outraged over a Gillette ad that encourages men to not be horrible selfish pricks PLEASE let the rest of us know who you are.
709
6K
30K
This would mean none of Trump's kids could vote and Trump couldn't either.
If only people with at least 4 grandparents born in America were voting, Trump would win in a 50-state landslide.
17K
2K
5K
987
6K
30K
The movie "Grease" is 43 year old today.
Which means it's old enough to play a teenager in "Grease."
145
3K
31K
Merrick Garland is a reminder that the only POTUS ever denied an up/down vote on a SCOTUS nom was also the only black POTUS.
Not saying Mitch McConnell is racist for obstructing.
Just saying Mitch should have to defend why it wasn't racist, every day, for the rest of his life.
494
8K
29K
People who cheered Trump for defunding Planned Parenthood are now cheering him for meeting w/a govt that forces women to have abortions.
#TrumpKimSummit
836
12K
29K
Stephen Miller is proof that only in America could a young Jewish boy grow up to be a Nazi.
431
5K
29K
If your party can devolve, in 70 yrs, from Ike to Nixon to Reagan to W to DT, don't act all surprised when Kid Rock shows up.
474
8K
28K
Never forget, Trump fired Flynn for lying 2 weeks after Trump fired Sally Yates for telling the truth.
370
8K
28K
Proof that a govt wall won't stop lawless invading illegals
1K
8K
30K
Good to know it's ok for 17 year old black males to now open-carry AR-15s to events they disagree with.
899
4K
29K
Mike Pence flying across the country so he could be offended is like the guy who watches gay porn to remind himself of how much he hates it.
804
8K
28K
Gerrymandering = cheating
Russia hacks = cheating
Using stolen emails = cheating
Merrick Garland = cheating
7% of Kavanaugh records = cheating
Voter ID laws = cheating
Slaveowners' electoral college = cheating
Kemp keeps 53k (70% black) GA ppl from voting = weapons-grade cheating
450
11K
28K
There are ppl who are still more angry that Sinead O’Connor disrespected John Paul II…
…than they’re angry at jP2 for covering up child rape.
My fellow Catholics, Sinead doesn't need your forgiveness; she deserves your thanks.
296
4K
29K
The 85 richest ppl on Earth now have as much money as the poorest 3.5 billion so PLEASE give 'em another tax cut so they can create jobs already.
408
12K
27K
Mitch McConnell has to delay taking healthcare from American taxpayers until after John McCain has surgery, paid for by American taxpayers.
563
14K
26K
If your party can devolve, in 70 yrs, from Eisenhower to Nixon to Reagan to W. to Palin and then to Trump, don't act all surprised when Kid Rock shows up.
417
3K
27K
"Hi, I'm Laura Ingraham and on tonight's show, why can't CELEBRITIES just SHUT UP about politics? We'll find out w/our guests Scott Baio, Jon Voigt, Kid Rock, Chuck Norris, James Woods, Kevin Sorbo, Pat Sajak, Rob Schneider, the complete cast of Duck Dynasty & Donald Trump!"
768
5K
27K
I'm on the side of everyone who's against both police brutality & brutality against police. It's not a complicated position.
#BatonRouge
413
16K
26K
John Kelly, who invented the term "executive time" for a gluttonous millionaire-at-birth to watch FOX News for 4 hrs every morning, reminds you that undocumented immigrants doing backbreaking work for low wages are the lazy ones.
273
9K
26K
Eric Trump is the reason Don Jr. believes himself to be smart
480
3K
26K
It's like America's a bus and an 71 year old narcissist speed addict is maniacally driving and we're all staring at each other because 30% of the passengers like how his driving upsets the rest of us.
543
9K
26K
The president's weekend began with
-sucking up to a dictator who murders reporters, then
-sucking up to a dictator who hacks up reporters who are American residents,
-peaked w/sucking up to a dictator who murders Americans & sends them home to die.
Your move, Evangelicals.
564
7K
26K
This is the best obituary you can read. Read it top to bottom, takes 45 seconds.
#TrumpPressConference
519
8K
26K
Today POUTUS angrily denied having dementia
by comparing himself to a POTUS also accused of dementia
who turned out to have actually had dementia
#stablegenius
315
7K
26K
Hint: If you oppose abortion rights, which Jesus never mentioned, because you are so deeply Christian; but support the death penalty, which Jesus directly opposed, the rest of us are no longer obliged to take your Christianity seriously.
425
6K
26K
Mitt Romney, a millionaire-at-birth who supported the Vietnam war but avoided going, who likes to fire people & thinks millionaires have really had it rough, is here to present himself as a GOP alternative to Trump.
1K
6K
25K
Nobody hates like a Christian who’s just been told their hate isn’t Christian.
280
4K
25K
For the record-
You voted for Grab Em By The Pussy who promised to turn away war refugees.
He cut taxes for the wealthy, stole children from the most desperate, stole from vets via fraud.
Jenna, they can't cancel your Christianity if your Christianity isn't actually Christian.
I’m going on record now:
If they try to cancel Christianity, if they try to force me to apologize or recant my Faith, I will not bend, I will not waver, I will not break.
On Christ the solid Rock I stand.
And I’m proud to be an American.
101K
40K
184K
517
5K
26K
Abortion:
The only word
that can make
followers of Jesus
vote against everything
Jesus ever talked about
because of one issue
that Jesus never talked about.
367
5K
26K
Jim Jordan ignores the message of John Dean & will never ever read the Mueller Report.
Because turning a blind eye to criminal behavior is something Gym doesn’t wrestle with.
889
6K
24K
When you realize that the attractive lawyer who flattered you on TV is horrified bc she passed on a jury trial...
...and the lawyer who made you pay his full fee up front can't stop smiling.
#MondayMood
494
4K
26K
People who tweeted more outrage
over Colin Kaepernick's knee
than Derek Chauvin's knee
have already told you
all you need to know.
123
4K
26K
Q. What do Barack Obama & Fred Trump have in common?
A. Donald Trump wrecked everything he inherited from them both
#TrumpDepression
303
6K
25K
Meek Mill has been sentenced to 2-4 years for nonviolent parole violations and Brock Turner got 3 months for raping a woman behind a dumpster.
Any questions?
391
12K
25K
So.... not a crisis.
45 year low on illegal border crossings this year. Ice and Border Patrol Agents are doing a great job for our Country. MS-13 thugs being hit hard.
18K
12K
72K
281
5K
25K
The irony of the
#BoycottHamilton
movement is that it's mostly folks who already boycott both hip-hop and knowledge of history.
717
11K
24K
Dear Media:
People who weren't bothered by:
-racist birtherism
-mocking the disabled
-sexual assault
-education fraud
-emoluments violations
-defending Nazis/KKK
-5k lies since inauguration
-stealing children at border
..will not be outraged that he lied to troops abt a pay raise
356
7K
24K
You bought a cabinet post.
189
3K
25K
I like when Christians who support executing people tell me how all lives matter
256
3K
24K
Hi, I just gave my SSN
& a license pic
to Parler
so I could make new friends
to help fight the government
from having a registry
of gun owners.
#ParlerHacked
549
3K
24K
Ann Coulter is so evil Satan just gave a concession speech.
524
5K
23K
Dear Media:
People who weren't bothered by
-racist birtherism
-mocking the handicapped
-insulting POWs
-insulting Gold Star families
-sexual assault
-education fraud
-defending Nazis & KKK
-over 1k lies since inauguration
will not be outraged that he thinks all Haitians have AIDS
502
9K
23K
Rod Rosenstein heads to the White House to find out how determined Gen. John Kelly is to throw away his entire military career to obstruct justice for a reality TV personality.
341
6K
23K
My favorite Bible story is when Jesus feeds the multitudes after administering a drug test to make sure they deserve food.
331
3K
24K
The Saudis say they didn't do it and they can prove that because it's not on their calendar.
The murder of Jamal Khashoggi as described by the Turkish press is an atrocity. We must get to the bottom of this, and if the Saudis killed Mr. Khashoggi, those responsible must be held accountable.
14K
1K
7K
557
5K
23K