if you were planning to come to the park with the kids for spring break we are sorry to report that the park is closed :( a few of us narrowly escaped the island in a helicopter and everyone else is dead. Hoping to be back open for summer

People: is your cat really like your comics? My cat:

I was arguing with a guy at a bar. He said he was a big pop star in the 80s. I didn’t believe him, but he was adamant…

https://t.co/C428E7KoWd

Legit call from the school: Principal: I just wanted to touch base with you. Your daughter was baiting seagulls into the playground with gummy worms and actually caught one; Like in her arms. It did bite her—not hard, but I needed to inform you that we filed an incident report

If you haven’t seen our dinosaurs yet please come on over and check them out

The war on poverty continues 🫠

So, without telling anyone, Dave Grohl brought his giant smoker and cooked/fed barbecue and sides for 500 folks at Hope Mission in L.A. during the storms. Paid for it all. Worked 16 hours. So, when the aliens get here and ask “who’s in charge?”, I think we take them to Dave

Reflecting on what happened 27 years ago today

Hey Farmer’s Dog: FUCK YOU. My god

No one should live in poverty. And Damn sure no one who works 40 hours a week should live in poverty. This shouldn’t be controversial.

I'm worried sick that Donald Duck will be next.

Insurance Lobbyist for LCAT Coverage. Let's fight fire with fire.

Excuse me but I’ll be using this excuse for everything now

Ke Huy Quan accepting his award for Best Supporting Actor at the #GoldenGlobes

just saw a kid in petsmart with his hands and face pressed against an adoptable cat's glass cage telling the cat they need to "form a plan" because his mom said no and whispering his full home address to the cat. i think the kids will be alright

https://t.co/HSTPAPf29g

How many women are worth one Cy Young pitcher? How many sexual assault accusations equal a single win above replacement? This week, teams will have to make a choice on Trevor Bauer, but the math is actually pretty simple: They shouldn't touch him. Column: https://t.co/e1xSPtlBCl

As a physician I believe Damar Hamlin was likely suffering from commotio cordis where a blow to the chest at a precise moment in the electrical cycle stops the heart. Those trying to tie this to vaccine status to project their unscientific beliefs are terrible, horrible people.