Dillie Keane
@DillieKeane
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Sort-of-widowed, satirical songwriter, cabaret artiste, founder member of @FascinatingAida , ancient eco-blogger of .
Oxfordshire
Joined March 2017
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"I voted Leave, Brexit's a disaster, but there's been a referendum, so let's just get on with it." Like someone diagnosed with terminal cancer booking his trip to Dignitas. The doc then says it's a misdiagnosis." Bloke says, "Too late, I've paid for it, I'm off to kill myself."
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In case folk haven't heard, my beloved partner John O'Neill died after a stroke on 13th Aug. I have not announced it till now because I wanted to finish our run in Edinburgh without audiences knowing. I was with him when he died. We had 22 years, 10 months and 12 days - cont.
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If I needed my vote solidifying, tonight's poll has definitely cemented it. I'm voting tactically. Labour have the best chance in Banbury of beating the conservatives. I'm a member of the LibDems, but the reality is that I have to vote Labour. So there you go.
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For those who were delighted at last night’s confidence vote result, look away now. This very short song is likely to offend. At least, we hope it will.
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I had an amazing life with him and I am both grateful and broken-hearted. He was a huge character: a warm, vital man who you could not ignore and he leaves a great big hole in so many lives. The funeral is on Thursday. Contact me for funeral/zoom details.
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If you are angry at Dominic Cummings, please retweet my song. I’d love it if it could get to the ears of the PM and cabinet. Their contempt for us mere mortals makes me furious at a very deep level.
Song for Dominic Cummings via
@YouTube
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Grief proves that there was love. It’s part of the contract with life. There are times when one will be unhappy and this is my unhappy time. I’ll learn to be happy again one day. Meanwhile there are still moments of joy. My friends. My dog. My trip to NYC with my niece. Joy.
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My friend tells me that Putin hates this cartoon and has had it banned in Russia, therefore we must circulate it as assiduously as possible. Go, little cartoon, do your work.
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No Remainer has ever claimed that the EU is perfect. But would you amputate both feet just because you have a fungal infection in your left toenail?
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I'm genuinely very touched by the hundreds of messages of support after I announced I was covid positive. Thank you so much to all. Today, I am weary, achey, leaden and slightly sweaty. That's all, so let's hope it doesn't worsen and I get through this with relative ease.
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Very excited to announce my next project, which is a major motion picture in which I play Orlando Bloom's elf grandmother, Legolassie.
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FASCINATING AIDA'S response to Risky Sunak's cancellation of the HS2.
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Going to visit my sister who is 80 husband who is 82 & has had minor health problems. So I had a Covid test just to be sure I could visit with clear conscience & HURRAH! I AM CLEAR! I can roister with octagenarians till dawn. If we last that till dawn, that is.
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"I voted Leave, Brexit's a disaster, but there's been a referendum, so let's just get on with it." Like someone diagnosed with terminal cancer booking his trip to Dignitas. The doc then says it's a misdiagnosis." Bloke says, "Too late, I've paid for it, I'm off to kill myself."
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@EmersonHolly
@Charliecondou
@BridgLondon
Very sorry if I was rude and horrible. I was very tense and apt to be shitty in my younger days. I regret it and am, I hope, a nicer person to work with these days. You're right to call out bad behaviour.
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Wonderful news. My backpack which I idiotically left on the bus in a moment of exhausted distraction has been handed in. Thanks thanks thanks for honest people.
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New short song celebrating Gavin Williamson”s elevation in status.
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Create post
My Covid Cummings song. Finally. 6 weeks writing it. In celebration of my 68th birthday in two hours time.
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As some of you may know, I've had Covid, & I'm currently on Day 10 so pretty much out of danger. It wasn't great, but it wasn't frightening. So to kind of celebrate finishing my isolation tomorrow, here's a song... My ode to lockdown, if you like...
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The day will surely come when calling your son “Boris” or “Donald” will be as unacceptable as “Adolf”.
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Since I can’t even bear to touch this sordid rag, this is a v bad pic of
@DailyMailUK
’s front cover today. Pakistan floods? Ukraine war? African famine? Cost of living crisis? Climate breakdown? Nope. Effing Meghan. DISGRACEFUL.
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I'm back on social media. Had a break from it, life too overwhelming. But here I am.
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Woke up this morning and first thoughts - my partner’s dead and Liz Truss is PM - have depressed me all day.
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The bad bit of me wants to see Boris back if only to prove once and for all to both him and his adherents what a hornswoggling, mendacious, incompetent, divisive, destructive, unpleasant, venal, lazy and corrupt individual he is.
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Why is the Fiona Bruce story not hitting the same kind of headlines as the Gary Lineker farrago?
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It’s happened. Positive Covid result. I’m okay, a bit pre-coldish - slightly achey, sandpapery throat. Probably got it from the bro-in-law who probably got it in hospital last week. We’re his support bubble as he’s v high risk, but he’s now back in hospital with Covid, hence test
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Now that
@JeremyClarkson
had finally revealed the full horror of his cruel, bullying and misogynistic mind, can we hope that he will at last be persuaded to disappear from public life altogether?
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I'm getting paid for writing a song! Paid! PAID!!! First earnings since March 13. RED LETTER DAY!!! I WROTE A SONG TO COMMISSION AND THEY LIKE IT!!!
PAID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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This week, my MP
@VictoriaPrentis
voted with the government to break an international treaty. Yet she is a lawyer. What infamy will she vote for next?
#NotInMyName
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40 hrs ago I was employed to go to care homes & sing wartime songs to old folks. One old lady said to me, “I dunno why they keep singing them war songs, I want to hear Engelbert Humperdinck & Sinatra.” Can’t believe they’re STILL subjecting residents to war songs. BBC R4 this am.
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I wake up every day with the same thought. Has she gone yet?
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And in cheerier news, last night my lovely Cabaret Girl gave birth to a strong and feisty colt foal. His stable name is Captain Tom who is clearly a hero and a stayer! So relieved and happy!
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I know this is unbearable swank, but I can't help boasting. Yesterday I had lunch with a friend and in my salad was HALF A TOMATO!!!
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On a train with a crowd of maskless, raucous fuckwits too young to be vaccinated. Fear and rage in equal amounts.
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I’ve not been well and I’m really worried about my eyesight. Can someone lend me a 4 year old child so I can drive to Ayelesbury and back to check if my peepers are still functioning adequately?
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A late night snack thought - surely humankind's greatest achievement is cheese? I mean, the Great Wall of China, Beethoven's Archduke Trio and Monet's waterlilies etc are creations of stupendous terrificness, but they can't compete with cheese for daily joy.
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Off to bed now knowing that tomorrow, 27th Jan, was supposed to be the start of the Fascinating Aïda 'spring' tour. Whilst I'm sad not to be setting out on the road, I can't regret it. 100,000 dead. Staying home, wearing a mask, protecting our loved ones, that's all we can do.
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Dear God what a 24 hours. First, losing the mare and foal last night. Then heard that an old pal of John's had died of the virus. Now my constant companion of the garden, Baldy the ex-bat chicken, has gone missing. I'm inconsolable. The least of our troubles, yet it's undone me.
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@JamesMelville
They'd have so much more sympathy if they targeted the actual companies and also the Government, both of whom are in a position to change the way we use oil. Instead, they make themselves a nuisance to ordinary people going about their business and immediately lose the argument.
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From the Indy: “Brexit’s ultimate tragedy is that it has broken the very thing it imagines itself to have restored: national identity, national cohesion. There is none at all. There are just two huge tribes set against each other, and the mutual loathing is as fierce as ever.”
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V pleased with my results. Increased my vote in a Tory area so blue it hurts. Up from about 100 votes or thereabouts last 2 times. Beat Labour into 3rd place. Best of all, didn’t get elected (phew) so don’t have to fret about potholes. RESULT! Should I stand for Parliament next?
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Off to the
#PeoplesMarch
equipped with:
Sandwich
2 Tunnocks caramel wafers
2 apples
Water
Arthritic knees
Painkillers
Profound sense of despair
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Thrilled to see my Dominic Cummings song make it to 800,00 hits on YouTube.
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Here’s some excitin and thrillin singin from Fascinatin Aïda, celebratin the Home Secretary’s swingein new Crime Bill.
A very short song.
@liza_pulman
@FascinatingAida
@michaelroulston
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@widow_waiting
I'm nearly 3 months ahead of you. I never knew emptiness could weigh so much.
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I contacted
@marksandspencer
re an expired gift card found in my partner's desk, a gift he hadn't realised. He died 2 months ago after a long struggle with illness, plus he was debilitated by the loss of 2 brothers & & best friends in 1 year. They refuse to refund it.
BASTARDS
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People should feel reassured that
@BorisJohnson
is absolutely ready to take up the reins again. He's had three holidays since he resigned as PM. And
@trussliz
didn't have time to get the decorators in and we know that he and Carrie love the wallpaper. What's not to like?
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My bet for the next Tory PM is Suella Braverman. She is, after all, untainted by intelligence or intellect.
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Am completely converted to the joy of Cairn Terriers!!! At the Harbour Bar in Bray with Bonnie.
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“The everyday vulgarities of destitution...”. Magnificent writing from an astonishing person I’m proud to call a friend. The prose, the rage and the courage spring off the page like Orwell.
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There are days when I do wish I wasn't living through quite so much history.
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This was my worst day since we stopped working in March. It’s so hard not to feel utterly defeated.
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It's a dismal day when you watch the PM waffling on telly and think, "Gosh, that Jeremy Hunt fellow would have been much better than Boris Johnson."
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Please don't watch this under any circumstances. It's an absolute TRAVESTY.
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After some doubts as to whether to ignore it, we are planning to mark this evening with a thoroughly European dinner. Irish smoked salmon, Spaghetti Bolognese with a feta salad on the side, Apple Strudel, French cheese and German wine. And our Irish passports on the table.
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Made with British water. Well THAT'S a relief. Sunlit uplands!
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So now we know EXACTLY what kind of PM Sunak will be. Braverman for Home Sec. Jesus wept.
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Boris is in a white coat again. Has he got a job on the Sainsbury's deli counter?
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Time to post this again. Boy was I right...
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A shit week. Car nicked, dear friend died, close friend's husband very ill indeed, best friend going through massive tests, insurance co being arses so I can't get a hire car, & in a moment of tired distraction Friday night I left my backpack on a bus: yep, laptop & headphones.😱
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The PM keeps telling interviewers that the situation posed by Covid is “unprecedented”. He’s had 8-10 months to get his head round it. Surely it’s just a bit precedented by now?
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Started lockdown 3 weeks ago today & meant to post a daily
#actofhope
but I go to bed so tired & dispirited every evening that I can't bring myself to do it. Just getting through the day seems to be as much as I can do with heartbreaking news denting my usually hopeful heart.
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Only madwomen would start their new show just as the General Election was taking place...
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I’m too old to retrain as an assassin.
Let’s hope to Tories do my job for me tonight.
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Woke up with immediate sense of relief that Boris has been humiliated into dropping out. Followed by sense of doom that we’re still stuck with a choice of two hard right Brexiters.
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So Vanessa Redgrave has finally been given her DBE at the age of 84. That's 34 years after Judi Dench, 32 years after Maggie Smith, 21 years after Eileen Atkins and 19 years after Helen Mirren all of whom are VR's contemporaries. About bloody time.
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That interview with Jacob Rees-Mogg on R4 Today just now was the best possible party political broadcast for the Labour party.
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Turns out tomatoes don't grow on Sunlit Uplands. I guess the air is too rarified.
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@Nigel_Farage
If anyone knows about how to contaminate a political system, you do. And you did.
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Is it just me, or are the times we live in just getting a little TOO interesting?
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Omg Harry and Meghan are dull beyond all imagining. Watched the first episode. I’d rather watch Parmesan cheese age in an Italian cellar.
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I have just eaten my body weight in Macaroni Cheese. It was both comforting and a welcome distraction. Now back to dismal reality.
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Waking up to the sound of Michael Gove weaselling his way through an interview is no way to live.
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Is this “Trump catches Covid” story a hoax and a way of getting out of the next two debates? Then he can hunker down, old and obese, and roar back stronger than ever? Is this the ultimate fake news?
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God and your arms be praised, victorious friends,
The day is ours, the bloody dog is dead.
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Just noticed this in Sainsburys window. “Oven baked bread”. Where else in God’s name might bread be baked? In a shoebox perhaps?
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Michael Fabricant must be fancying his chances at being Prime Minister by Christmas.
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I wonder what was in Dom’s cardboard box? Framed photos of Barnard Castle? A plaque saying “You don’t have to be weird to work here, but it helps”?
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If trickle down economics actually worked, people on incomes over £1 million p.a. wouldn’t need an extra £40,000 a year in Kwasi’s tax cuts to feel unconstrained enough to start spending. They’re spending already & it ain’t trickling down.
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Done the govt careers quiz again as I was turned down for a no of plasterer's apprentice jobs. I followed a different thread this time. To my surprise it recommended I could be a newspaper editor. I'm applying to the Daily Mail. Watch it drift leftwards!
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Please Tories, let Boris resign so he can spend more time with his families.
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@BootstrapCook
There's no need to apologise. You're very brave to admit. Start again, one foot in front of the other. 648 days was one hell of an achievement. You can do it again. Head down, collar up, forward into the wind... Love and strength from one of your greatest admirers.
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Lovely day with
@michaelroulston
working on my solo show. Difficult trying to get to grips the subject of bereavement which must inform the work yet not overwhelm it, but his musical & emotional intelligence is wonderful and we’ve laughed a lot.
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I've been alive 25,854 days.
Or 70 years, 9 months, 11 days.
Or 849 months, 11 days.
It seems quite a long time.
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Why has NOBODY asked the question: if he was worried about his eyesight, why didn’t his wife drive back to London?
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I did a gig, I stayed at my much-loved club, saw a marvellous exhibition at the RA and had lunch at the Wolseley. Now on train home wondering whether tasting my old life is good for the soul or just breaks my heart worse because it’ll never be the same again?
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The PM wants to encourage 95% mortgages to help young people on to the housing ladder.
To get a mortgage, you need a salary.
To get a salary, you need a job.
To get a job, there must be jobs on offer.
Noticed anything amiss with the PM’s thinking?
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"I think he followed the instincts of every father, & every parent..." This from a man who has walked out of two families and refuses to admit how many children he has.
The indefensible defending the indefensible.
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Hi
@DanielJHannan
. You've blocked
@vediveciveni
and
@Cornwall8646
. They've asked me to tell you to fuck off. Most recently for saying the American healthcare system is better than the NHS. So fuck off. And the same from me.
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2 new songs - and both deemed good enough for the coming
@FascinatingAida
tour which opens in Hereford on 9th September. Very exciting.
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The Tory party should change its name to the Party Tories.
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