Catherine
@CatherineKLind
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opinions are my own, and buckle up, ‘cause I’ve got a lot of ‘em
New York, NY
Joined October 2012
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Pinned Tweet
I have family members who don’t have iPhones, but people still insist on using reactions in the group chat.
My great-aunt doesn’t realize that’s why people keep texting “Loved an image”, so this is how she’s responding to vacation photo dumps:
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@sheriadidthat
A broker emailed me today that I’d have to pay a month rent’s deposit for the ability to apply 🤍 Don’t worry, refundable in up to two months if I don’t get it!
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Good time to let people know this was Taylor Swift’s actual birth announcement
It's extremely funny to me that the only smart finance bro in the world is Taylor Swift
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I don’t need to justify my existence people to you but uhhhh mixed people exist
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SOS my parents are running out of alcohol and they’re talking about opening up their “special” stash so I’m going to have to watch them discover that I opened up that tequila at age 16 in real time
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@justsheavassar
The Seminoles were able to maintain a lot of their way of life and take in runaway slaves because that land is so hostile to anyone who doesn't know it! You'd have to drain an unbelievable amount of swamp containing some of the highest biodiversity in the hemisphere to do this.
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@RosnerJulaine
@daniel_m_lavery
Julaine, I genuinely hope you are correct, but speaking as a survivor— my predator was the captain of his team and beloved by all. The reason people get away with these things is because they learn to act in ways that do not arouse suspicion.
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I know the shampoo and conditioner bill in this household is crazy
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new york hasn’t seen transmissibility this high since timothee had chlamydia
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what an absolute insane thing for my childhood neighbor to publish on my 27th birthday lmao
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“Wild Things” was filmed at my high school and I had to have gym in that fucking pool every day of ninth grade
What’s a movie filmed in/near your hometown that you like to tell people about if given the slightest excuse?
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Me, logging on to Zoom at 8am to lead executives in a workshop: I am a very serious businesswoman. I am supposed to be here.
My mom, off screen: "NENA, DID YOU EAT BREAKFAST?"
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Joining
@AOC
and giving up meat for Lent in honor of Tommy, the boy who, during a night of party hopping, recited me a poem on animal rights at every stop we made.
Please send veg recipes and tips my way!
Ok everyone, I need help!
A few weeks ago I told
@RepRaskin
that this year I wanted to adopt a vegetarian diet for Lent in memory of his son Tommy.
Jamie said, “Well you’d have to do it the way Tommy would, which means bring people along with you!” ☺️
So, I have 3 requests:
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@ellomelissa
my sixth grade english class bullied our recently divorced teacher into asking out the hunky new english teacher who had the classroom next door anyway they’re married and have two kids and thanked the most persistent student at their wedding
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oh, you went to prep school and then amherst and then you moved to New York? you pioneer
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Tonight, my marathon-running roommate and her guitar-playing boyfriend celebrate their second anniversary while I finish work at 9pm to eat a bag of cookies and watch bootleg Broadway shows.
She should pay more in rent, right?
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"We love you, go home"? It's an attempted coup, not the end to motherfucking "Ferris Bueller's Day Off"
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“What’s your ethnicity?” isn’t even the best question about how I look. The best question about how I look is “How are you so breathtaking?” or “Why is it mortals cry at a mere glance of your visage?” Not that hard.
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Has Quibi been renewed for a second season?
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why.... why would I?
Every Latina mad at this upstanding ICE Officer just wish they could be her
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ignore this tweet, I just need to type to look as busy as everyone else on my zoom company happy hour
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CRIMINAL MINDS. VOTE!
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Today, Amherst College made a grave mistake and let me graduate!
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you mean NONE of you are dating me? how embarassing for y’all...
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@molls
This is how I feel about my college creative writing advisor who told me their first novel was fueled by “a lot of speed, if we’re being honest”
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a guy i ended things with because he couldn’t figure out what he wanted just hit me up saying “you never told me what to do with my hair, i was counting on that”
you never asked me to be your girlfriend, i was counting on that, matthew!!
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had a 9am zoom call and no one noticed my bangs 😔 life... worth it ?
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stayed home in NYC and took a million tests so my Miami family could all get sick and cancel Noche Buena and Christmas on the 24th 🤍 happy holidays!
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sometimes self-care is realizing you actually DON'T need to apply to grad school two years in advance, even if it is what all the other "over-achieving" kids are doing!!
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@KatiePavlich
reminder: being Secretary of State, Senator, and the first person to hold such a significant lead within a party is.
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if I slide into your DMs: it’s week 3. we might all die.
if anything, being thirsty is an UNDERreaction!
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@BeeBabs
Lindsay Lohan and Amanda Byrnes are two wildly talented people that we failed at every conceivable turn and we’re all worse off for it
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when I was eighteen months old my dad taught me how to sing “Tequila” by the Champs to upset my mother, and that has set the tone for my entire life
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my abuela taught me to make her arroz con pollo today! I was already wifey material... I am now esposita material.....
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Any crop top is a T-shirt if the meeting is a Zoom and you’re brave enough
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This is my second birthday in a pandemic, and I’m saying “I’m 24” in the mirror like a child actress from Teaneck practicing her sides for an “Annie” revival cattle call
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my calc teacher, in contrast, would use her lunch every day to make sure I understood the material and felt ok, and let me take tests in her office to decrease pressure. she's the reason I got into college and was an econ major.
would take a bullet for ms duty to this day tbh!
in high school, before I was medicated, I'd consistently have panic attacks during written tests and completely black out until I realized there was 10-5 minutes left and hadn't started. My pre-calc teacher would make fun of me for needing extra time to his advanced classes.
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quarantine day 21: the cross above my parents’ front door is taunting me
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My writing is life-changing, and by that I mean I just edited my sister’s medical school application, and she will definitely change lives
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my therapist just referred to horniness as “the urge to merge”
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for a limited time only, Catherine Lindsay is...!
Matching! her! hair!
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today I went to an open house with a friend for a place we have no intention (or ability!) of buying
I need to post these to prove I did not hallucinate
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Unfortunately, it appears I will be following up Hot Girl Summer with Frugal, Sober Girl Fall. No questions at this time.
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this is it. my favorite headline of all time. cooked up for me specifically.
Keanu Reeves shared that his mother designed Dolly Parton’s Playboy outfit and after Dolly was done with it, he wore it for Halloween
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booking an appointment at a new hair salon and I think they may exclusively hire dogs?
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The most unrealistic part of Mean Girls was when Aaron went to Northwestern and he and Cady “stayed together and saw each other on weekends” like he didn’t drop her for some pi phi day 1 of orientation
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My sister is the most brilliant person I've ever met, but for the life of her, she cannot figure out how to tell if an avocado is ripe. Every morning, she walks up to me with an avocado in each hand and very solemnly asks me to squeeze them.
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me, who hasn’t gone on a fourth date in three years: “Well, worst comes to worse, I marry rich.”
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apparently in europe Halls cough drops are considered candy
are vosotros okay
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I won’t pretend I always agreed with Tommy—we had bear-knuckle fights. But he constantly inspired me with his commitment to non-violence, whether through his postgrad work with Quaker pacs to his personal commitment to veganism. The world is significantly worse off with him gone.
With profound sorrow, Congressman Raskin and Sarah Bloom Raskin today announced the loss of their son Tommy:
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Drunk me is so funny. I woke up to a clean face, pajamas, a completely empty text inbox, and a small pool of vomit next to me. You can run but you can’t hide, bitch!
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if i say i’m “looking for love”, this specifically is what i mean
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Blind_Side2_AuditionReel.mov
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Victoria Justice has really let herself go
Yet another highlight from last night: meeting
@BernieSanders
. What an honor. Don’t forget to VOTE, everybody!!
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I want to say lin manuel miranda’s success is an inspiring story of perseverance, but it’s really more of a testament to the only-straight-guy-at-theatre-camp complex
as a society, we don’t acknowledge often enough that lin-manuel miranda straight up can’t sing
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quarantine week 5, in abstract poetry:
i need
to get
p l o w e d
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I realized AI was evolving, but didn’t realize I’d live to be bullied by an algorithm
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My waxing salon had a response plan for COVID-19 before Trump did
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how committed are you to “Red (Taylor’s Version”? I got into a car crash 🤠🤪
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I moved in to my first apartment today with my mom's help and now she's mad at me because I keep referring to her as "a guest"
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You verbally harassed me while I was working at UCB.
You didn’t get your way so you imitated my voice in a very patronizing manner & followed me outside to get in my face when I was alone. In my time as a theatre manager no one made me feel more disrespected/threatened than you.
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The magnitude of difference between Goldfish and Cheez-Its, when they're both but hard cheese bread....boggles the mind, I tell you
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No matter how engaged I seem in any given task, please know a part of me is always, always thinking about Joan Cusack drunkenly singing along to Edge of Seventeen in School of Rock
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just read “icarus” the same way one would read iCarly, how are you doing?
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Sid from Toy Story got an etsy store
found this diabolical motherfucker on etsy who just makes these frankenstein beanie babies and sells them ive been laughing for the past 15 minutes at these
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Me, on my balcony, watching the people in my apartment complex dumb enough to go into the pool because Texas opened up today:
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My life is currently in shambles, but Lorde’s latest single is only mediocre— powerful women can have flop eras
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@possumgurl69
tbh as someone who was an econ major and took a lot of poli sci classes, I am much more scared of the poli sci kids! most econ kids who have scary politics barely want to be there, the poli sci kids are salivating to defend human rights abuses 🤷🏼♀️
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ran out of antidepressants and can't get a refill until Friday, so I'm mostly functioning by just giving myself finger guns any time I pass a mirror
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trying to convince my abuela and her sisters to get the vaccine and my tios are not helping
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bisexual culture is having a crush on both of the spy kids parents
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