hate it when the train warns me about taking luggage on the escalators. just focus on the tracks son you leave the stairs to me

tech guys love to be like "AI is a powerful tool that allows us to create anything we want" and the "anything" is a teenage girl

i went undercover at the unite the kingdom march and this was one of the lovely people i met

You should never look at yourself in the mirror when youre at work. Thats the golem you send out to do work while you relax in your mind palace, not the real you. If you look in the mirror too much you may begin to confuse the two.

i’m posting this from heaven. god didn’t take u because he hates ur vibe and thinks ur ugly (he’s shockingly image obsessed but not in the way you’d think). the food is incredible. the wine is insane. he’s telling me all ur secrets btw. better luck next time, suckers

If you're a public service broadcaster, you absolutely should not leave the answer to a question like this hanging in the tweet.

i am pregnant taking 10 Tylenol a day in hopes my son becomes the greatest Magic the Gathering player in the world

Ah, yes. My hands. My normal, human hands. We must clap with my normal, human hands. Congratulation.

no girl ur right ur so much better than me for being devastated by the loss of a pro-gun, pro-genocide, anti-abortion, anti-lgbt+, anti-immigrant, anti-empathy, violently racist transphobic, and misogynistic white supremacist whose whole job was reviving the hitler youth. my bad

i don't understand how stocks work but can i invest in etsy witches?

“We must all be able to debate freely and openly” is crazy coming from a man who arrested over 1.3k in a month for holding pieces of cardboard that said genocide is bad.

Prime Minister of 3 countries that aren't England.

I do not laugh at the plight of "Scrat" from the Ice Age films. His terror moves me to tears.

I am struck by how absent Keir Starmer has been recently, just as he was during the post-Southport race riots last year. There are certain things only a PM can do, and laying out a national vision & confronting internal strife is one of them.

there’s no such thing as an illegal route to asylum

I hope she plays a sardonic yet relatable 20-something with creative aspirations and a messy personal life!

pov: you’re a woman over 25 talking to extended family at christmas

it's great that every time some flag nonsense happens we get an endless round of pontificating about whether you should be proud of a flag in the abstract and no actual analysis of what's actually happening and who is doing it and why

Pretending not to understand things is the fastest growing sector of the UK economy.