my 2026 predictions

it’s called boxing day because you’re supposed to spend it eating box

New-Federal judge in Tennessee has canceled Kilmar Abrego Garcia’s January trial on human smuggling charges and will instead hold a one day hearing on whether Abrego has been vindictively and selectively prosecuted by the government. Judge says evidence is in Abrego’s favor.

For Christmas I invented a new cocktail: The Mar a Lago. It’s 13-year old Brandy mixed with 79 year old orange bitters.

the best thing about being a muppets fan is the muppets can't get me too'd. like kermit is NOT in the epstein files

If Tate put half as much effort into blocking punches as he does blocking critics, he might have won. 😂

F 　 U 　　 C 　　　　 K 　　　　　 I 　　 S 　　 R 　　 A 　　　 E L ｡ ･ ｡°*. ｡*･

Obviously his husband has just been assassinated. Let him grieve in his own way.

6 drinks deep eating chunks of christmas brisket out of the fridge with my hands like a medieval peasant granted one night in the lord’s pantry

My dad is describing in great detail how he would kill the grinch while My mom is cooking breakfast for sixteen people.

Someone wished me Merry Chrysler, but I didn’t have the heart to tell them I celebrate Toyotathon, so I just said Happy Honda Days.

incredible

A Jewish friend in Moscow just wished me a “Happy Christmas.” I replied “and happy Hanukkah to you.” Then he said, “Hanukkah is over now.” And the Russian Orthodox barman shouted “and it’s not even f**king Christmas!” They’ve both ruined my fake story of interfaith solidarity.

Apart from the fun stuff at work, I don’t celebrate Christmas. But as a Muslim, I believe that: ‘A person is either your brother in faith or your equal in humanity.’ So Christmas matters to me because it’s celebrated by you ❤️. Merry Christmas and peace be unto you.

Once upon a time, not far from where baby Jesus was born, there was a village called Iqrit. It was filled with people who loved Jesus more than anyone in the world. Specifically, ninety percent of them did. The other ten percent also loved Jesus, but not the same way. The

December 24th, 9pm Eastern Standard Time, from here on in I shoot without a script…. See if anything comes of it….

Say a prayer for Santa as he approaches Venezuelan airspace. A sleigh covered in white powder and @PeteHegseth a few eggnogs deep is a deadly combination.

gay break ups: we should break up lesbian break ups:

I bet he was blasting Fox News like deaf boomer he is