"it's your turn to take out the trash"

five dollars if you can believe that

i think about the thoughts i thunk

Close friend in college wasn’t good at anything. I mean anything. Not a single identifiable skill. But we enjoyed having him around.

I wish I got mad at my replies. I wish I felt anything from my replies. I wish I saw you as real flesh and blood people

commit to forms of torture not widely used since the 16th century

There are SEC Americans and there are Pronoun Americans

Sometimes making a cup of coffee has nothing to do with drinking a cup of coffee.

All of these effective altruists in NYC this week. I'm watching them grow less and less autistic with each passing day through their tweets. Someone organize a field trip out to Nowadays let's put the nail in this coffin

In every relationship there is The Tormentor and The Tormented. In healthy relationships you swap roles every 5 minutes

saw this guy a few weeks ago

The ideal job for me is like every month you guys pay me a few thousand dollars to go on some insane and totally pointless side quest. We keep doing this until one sticks and we all get rich

sometimes a buddy's gf will post a bit of ass or perhaps tit on instagram and i never really know if im supposed to like the post or not

Do you guys want to crowdfund me to do this and I'll livetweet it

drink more tea

https://t.co/IwTpl3PWdW

once per month i allow myself to enter into an alternate personality i refer to as “the monkey” in which i give in to all of my ape brain desires without personal judgment or fear of consequence. often this ends with me going to mcdonalds and eating a 20 piece nugget and 2 big

the chinse food ? yeah it ‘s inside of me

https://t.co/pJ1S7T8Pcj

Never understood flying a kite. Even as a kid. So it’s in the sky? Only the kite is having fun.