jes tom 🥀 Profile Banner
jes tom 🥀 Profile
jes tom 🥀

@jestom

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42,100
Following
1,785
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Statuses
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LESS LONELY 🥀 comedian, horny cherub 👼🏻 writer: ofmd. actor: crush. ig @jesthekid 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ Less Lonely off-Broadway ⤵️

NYC
Joined October 2013
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
6 years
a glory hole, but for feeding a carrot to an unseen horse ☺
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
4 years
society if dads went to therapy
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
6 years
students died at Hogwarts like every year
@neontaster
Noam Blum
6 years
All the teachers at Hogwarts were armed. Just saying.
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
4 years
cute but are they unionized?
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ㅅㄴㄴ
5 years
월병 만드는 토끼래 너무 귀엽지
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
3 years
kids growing up with lil nas x are so lucky. in my day all we had was this
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
2 years
one thing I like about wfh is I can have my gastrointestinal issues at my own pace
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
1 year
lol I love gucci in the midst of everything launching a campaign that's basically like "everyone wants to sleep with trans men"
@boymolish
garçon
1 year
New Gucci Guilty Campaign with Elliot Page, Julia Garner and A$AP Rocky✨
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
2 years
the american culture of denying where our food comes from makes me sick. picking a living animal for slaughter is a core part of many asian food cultures. it reminds us it actually came from an animal. but u would rather just look away and consume
@NBCNews
NBC News
2 years
Chef Gordon Ramsay is facing backlash on TikTok after posting a video in which he appeared to select a lamb to slaughter for a meal, rubbing his hands together while repeatedly saying "yummy."
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
2 years
the fact that we can even have a lesbian emu farmer influencer who is also a god fearing conservative racist shows the failure of identity based representation politics
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
4 years
1. abolish police 2. abolish prisons 3. abolish Ellen
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
4 years
u ever rediscover a song you were really into when u were ~17 and it's like whoa what did I THINK I was going through
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
3 years
just like in hereditary
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
4 years
coming out as "queer" is the boringest thing a female celebrity could do. who cares? we all want to have sex with women. we all want to feel their breath against our neck. we all want them to grab a fistful of our hair and spit into our trembling, eager mouth. big whoop. we all
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
2 years
sorry to be dark but I wish I had seen more live music before I was afraid of dying in a crowd
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
3 years
not nonbinary as in "I can do both," but nonbinary as in "I can't do either"
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
1 year
so the seinfeld AI got banned for being transphobic, but what he said is actually a hilarious satire of the state of stand up comedy today
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
3 years
I guess I get the impulse to "check on your asian friends" and I appreciate that ppl think of me, but having an inbox full of ppl wanting to engage me abt a mass murder is jarring tbh
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
5 years
liberals: racism will end when all the old white men die 😆 *George HW Bush dies* liberals: omg 😞 RIP a humanitarian 😞😞 gone too soon 💔
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
1 year
I feel like people are forgetting that a main quality of a twink is being gay
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
3 years
we need a real queer teen drama about normal queer teen things like wanting to be in the play but learning to operate the light & sound board instead
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
2 years
sorry to ask obvious questions but why didn't anyone run onstage and slap louis ck
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
17 days
just loudly BOOOed a woman tearing down pro-Palestine posters on the street, and I just think we don't boo ppl enough as a society anymore
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
4 years
you "practiced" kissing other girls at sleepovers, I was a teen virgin getting off to a female dental tech sticking her gloved fingers in my mouth to gingerly and painfully tighten my braces while cooing "good girl." we r not the same
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
2 years
king of the hill doing the most accurate gay jokes in 2006
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
3 years
it's my understanding that godzilla and kong are ex girlfriends?
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
3 years
leave it to lesbians to call a movie "Happiest Season" and it's 1 hr 40 minutes of abject emotional suffering
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
4 years
full time employees can have a little health insurance, as a treat
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
4 years
sorry to bring this up again, but didn't that bitch write a whole part where the girl ghost sneaks into the boys' bathroom so she can watch boys bathe??
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
4 years
you're her ex shooting your shot now that she's graduated from ballet girl to lead soprano. I have a mannequin of her in a wedding gown in my lair under the opera house. we are not the same
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
4 years
"somebody told me that you had a boyfriend who looked like a girlfriend that I had in february of last year" laid the groundwork for gender discourse to enter the mainstream
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
2 years
sorry but the two genders are "reveals unexpected they pronouns during pronoun round" and "group did the pronoun round specifically bc you're sitting there"
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
4 years
this is a diva cup
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
4 years
naming my daughter https:// the rest is blank so she can decide her own future :)
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
3 years
found out I got declined to audition for a trans guy role bc my bio says "nonbinary" and I know we're allll trying to figure out how to cast trans roles respectfully but becoming so rigid that trans ppl LOSE opportunities is not it
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
3 years
no gays at pride its for families
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
6 years
the most realistic part of Mulan is the implication that women are more attracted to Mulan dressed as a soldier than they are to any of the men
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
4 years
I am not afraid of the apocalypse, I was a girl scout for 13 years. I'll just do what I did then: have a crush on an older girl
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
4 years
what if we finally guillotine the rich and it turns out they're actually cake 😓
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
3 years
so annoying that being the only person wearing a mask in a place makes ME look unvaccinated just let me be traumatized!!!!!!!
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
4 years
society is so obsessed with binaries that we've convinced ourselves ass is the opposite of titties
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
8 months
sorry but "what good is all that idol money if you're paying 2400 for a Los Feliz one bedroom like the rest of the plebs" is pretty much why SAG is on strike
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
11 months
I auto pass on guys who make this tight lipped grimace in pics bc to me it indicates low self esteem
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
5 years
lesbians at a party w their crush
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
4 years
it's straight to peak in high school it's queer to peak at the end of the world
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
3 years
is this anything
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
4 years
when ziwe replaces ellen, the first guest should be ellen
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
4 years
Parasite's oscar sweep is a huge win for representation for me, the guy living in your basement
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
3 years
legally blonde is about being discriminated against for being too hot, and that's why I relate to it
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
3 years
white people think all asians come from either japan or china. which is ridiculous, bc as an asian american I know all asians come from either norcal or socal
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
5 years
dried mango is a type of jerky don't @ me
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
3 years
I love sailor moon for suggesting the height of domesticity is being a lesbian couple with a live-in 3rd, all coparenting a child who is the harbinger of all death
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
3 years
am I genderqueer? am I nonbinary? I'm a lil freak who does whatever I want
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
6 years
Hi! I'm Jes, I'm a trans asian actor. can u help me pick my headshot?
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
2 months
seated for Love Lies Bleeding. the lesbians next to me didn't come together but are bonding over the pre-show. one ordered too much churro popcorn so now they're sharing. I am rapt with suspense. is this the moment they find love
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
2 years
people are like "if Bigfoot is real, how come there are no good photos" but like have u ever tried to take a picture of a cat
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
4 months
many have critiqued that saltburn's aesthetics are copied from other films, but nobody told me one was fall out boy's "sugar we're goin' down" music video
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
1 year
literally cannot imagine canceling ziwe, she is a viral megastar. this show catapulted her into high celebrity, that doesn't happen bc no one is watching!! loser behavior tbh
@FilmUpdates
Film Updates
1 year
‘ZIWE’ has been canceled at Showtime. ()
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
3 years
my take on "nonbinary" vs "genderqueer" as someone who has identified as one or the other for years, is that words mean nothing, especially in english
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
5 years
sometimes ppl are like "but u and (ur ex) were so happy!" and ur like lol no babe we were PHOTOGENIC
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
4 years
fighting racism by being asian and hot
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
5 years
women of color: I am the flower grown from my mother's blood... her face is my face... her prayers are my spine... white women:
@lenadunham
Lena Dunham
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I’m in a super weird new phase where I totally respect my mother
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
3 years
give 👏🏼 gay 👏🏼 people 👏🏼 an 👏🏼 island
@PinkNews
PinkNews
3 years
‘Give gay people an island’, says ‘hateful’ Republican lawmaker. ‘They’ll be gone after 40 years’
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
3 years
it's always funny when str8 yt men have egos bc they're like "everyone's gonna know my name. mark smith"
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
3 years
I was expecting a post-vax spring of hedonism & self objectification but instead I feel "protective" of "my energy" and want to be with people I "trust" 🙄 what a ripoff
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
6 years
the most realistic part of RENT is when the two str8 white guys are like "here's the art that's been tormenting me all year" and Roger's is a song that rhymes "your eyes" with "your eyes" and Mark's is basically a slideshow, and they both choose to do this when a woc needs help
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
6 years
it really hurts my feelings to have to dunk on Lisa like this
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
4 years
hand over the creative license of Harry Potter to fanfiction dot net
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
5 months
unpopular maybe but I do want to see ziwe take george santos on. I do think she knows what she's doing. girl single handedly tanked andrew yang's run for mayor
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
3 years
ummm I'm a genius???
@jestom
jes tom 🥀
5 years
it's called "After Ellen" bc his name is Elliot now 😪
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
2 years
I found $11 on the sidewalk in SF and nothing brings me more joy than knowing that later tonight some fucking tech bro will be at a taco truck thinking he has exactly enough cash for tacos... and he doesn't. I do. I have enough cash for tacos.
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
4 years
I like disney's hercules bc it's a love story about a teen himbo and a jaded 35 year old woman
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
2 years
*whispers* it's absolutely necessary that cis women show solidarity with trans women, AND, the debate about inclusive language wrt abortion is about trans MEN and transmasculine people. transphobia against trans men manifests as invisibilization, and this is an example of that!!
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
4 years
what is it like to be straight and watch Portrait of a Lady on Fire?? is it like when I watch the Office
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
6 years
the anti-terrorism teacher had a terrorist embedded in his head
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
3 years
the truth is I switched from "genderqueer" to "nonbinary" bc it sounded cool and I'll switch again to whichever sounds cool later. either way I have a giant d*ck
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
2 years
the two genders are a league of their own and our flag means death
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
2 years
grindr guy told me he's never been with a trans guy but wants to, he's "heard good things." I'm loving the idea of gay guys sitting around excitedly talking about crushing their first puss
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
3 years
btwn Anne Hathaway as the Grand High Witch and Emma Stone as Cruella I am terrified of the un-MILF washing of our most beloved villainesses! please won't someone think of the MILVES 😩
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
4 years
my love language,,, is Gossip
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
4 years
as far as chatting with strangers, I can only handle very inane ("what's ur fav color starburst") or deeply revealing and vulnerable ("that's why I've always suspected my father might be gay") but fucking NOTHING in between
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
2 months
can I offer that the beauty of movies and art is seeing stories about ppl who are different from your exact self & this increasingly narrow way of speaking about who stuff is "for" wrt characters' identities actually encourages the idea that marginalized stories are not relatable
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
6 years
I'm honestly so mad at u guys for turning this into a debate about Harry Potter & not about gun control
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
2 months
there are so many roads to success in comedy! you could have gone to harvard, have a dad that works at NBC, or even be the child of a famous comedian
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
3 years
on language that's "ok" or "not ok" to use, I think there's a big difference btwn calling a situation or spectacle "crazy" "insane" etc and calling a person "crazy" to discredit them
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
5 years
every lesbian date is just this for 6+ hours.. nobody seals the deal, at the end of the night we hug for a long time and then never see each other again
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
4 years
only two genders: those who have moved back with their families indefinitely, and those who may never see our families again
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
3 years
I am a trans standup comic. of course I'm upset about ch*ppelle. if I don't talk about it it's not bc I'm unaffected, it's bc I'm trying to protect my one soft and precious heart
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
4 years
as a child I always related to Big Bird's ungainly androgyny
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
2 years
as a new yorker the first thing I do when I'm in a new city is go on the scariest .4 mile walk of my life
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
4 years
upon second Cats viewing I find myself still asking the question.. what IS this?
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
4 years
this is what str8 men on tinder think nonmonogamy is like
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
3 years
the least realistic part of sex and the city is that miranda (a literal dyke) and charlotte (a smith grad) are supposed to be 100% straight women
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
3 years
they made him do this and then gave the gay acting career to the str8 one that played his boyfriend
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
3 months
I'm good elmo pls check on nicki minaj
@elmo
Elmo
3 months
Elmo is just checking in! How is everybody doing?
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
3 years
"I am dumb" - me, trying to cope with a fascist uprising thru escapism by watching Pan's Labyrinth, a movie about a girl coping with a fascist uprising thru escapism
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
3 years
what if I answered the phone like "this is they"
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
4 years
those of us who are middle class/wealthy must accept our role, as paypigs to the revolution
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
4 years
"try not to touch your face" my cat:
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@jestom
jes tom 🥀
5 years
feral pigs age range of running into my women I'm tryna yard date 🤝🏼 30-50
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