Special Ed
@6stringSpecial
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Joined February 2013
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Pinned Tweet
In the zombie apocalypse, my weapons of choice would be:
1. Knife
2. Dropping the knife, and screaming like a woman
3. Fear Pee
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J-lo: “I want some boots that make me look like I’m taking a shit everywhere i sit”
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I call my truck "the pussy hauler"
Because that's where I cry.
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My plumber said that the weird noise coming out of my shower is me crying.
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My plumber said that the weird noise coming out of my shower is me crying.
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My plumber said that the weird noise coming out of my shower is me crying.
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Sex is great and all, but have you made her smile on those days she thinks the whole world is against her?
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@NicholasVerola
I bet ten bucks you can’t introduce me to a single female that that will admit to liking your company.
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That grave site is on a golf course with an on site landscaping dept that daily manicures every inch of that property, so they were told not to touch that area. Don jr, Ivanka, and Eric leave their mothers grave like that on purpose. People that follow this family are dispicable.
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Hearing her use her back massager behind a locked door right after sex means I did a good job right?
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Friend: "wanna go to the gym with me?"
Me: "yes, but you mispronounced bar"
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I prefer my salads to be small enough to fit on bacon cheeseburgers.
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Cool thing about sexting is I don’t have to stop eatin my cereal.
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Ladies......If a guy takes to long before he replies back to your text....just type “anal?” And send it.
When he replies, send “sorry, that was for someone else, but how are you?”
Then ignore him
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You ever want to sleep with the person you lost your virginity to, one more time. Just to show them how much better you got at it?
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Plumber just left and he said that the strange noise coming out of my shower is me crying.
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Would y’all believe I retweet people for the sole purpose of sharing their jokes and ideas with the people they haven’t met yet?
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If you had the chance to bang your high school crush today, would you take it?
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Y’all like my new haircut. I don’t usually part it this way.
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@PrezLives2022
@lilbigguy24
It’s also important to note that by expelling those representatives, with just the stroke of a pen, a small handful of men decided that 100k+ Tennesseans couldn’t have their elected rep, and took him away from them. That should terrify everyone in Tennessee.
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When yer old but still gotta be a sex symbol at the beach.
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Today I hope for an adventure. They mandated masks in Alabama for the first time, and I got to hang a “masks required” sign on my door.
I predict epic battles... my adversaries shall be armed to the teeth with passionate, Karen-grade redneck ignorance.
May the force be with me.
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Serious question for the fellas. How many of y’all utilize the wiener flap on the front of your underwear? What is it there for?
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A step ladder is what you get when your real ladder doesn’t love you.
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Post a 90s Gem that ISN’T Nirvana ,Pearl Jam, Soundgarden or Alice In Chains.
Post a 90s Gem that ISN’T Nirvana ,Pearl Jam, Soundgarden or Alice In Chains.
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You ever go long enough without having sex that the sound of stirring mac and cheese turns you on?
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My Stanley cup does the exact same thing yours does except I’m not stupid.
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I hope a porn star talent scout never sees me eat a footlong chili dog.
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Some of y’all have never called a radio station, dedicated a song to a girl, and then was a nervous wreck all weekend hoping she heard it, but also hoping she didn’t cuz you don’t know if she likes that song and now you have to wait till Monday to find you suck, and it shows.
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Poor fella has dementia. And even though it’s only in 2-3 minute bursts he still follows me every move I make. He’s a warrior.
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\🙂
( (> Please
/ \
🙂
<) )╯Stop
/ \
🙂
<( (> Doing these.
/ \
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Any twenty-something person on earth could introduce themselves to me as a YouTube star and I would believe them.
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Started growing my hair out for the first time since 1997 and have just noticed that there is a nightmarish amount of gray in there.
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I read that Lassie died in 1956, and I bet none you selfish bastards thought to check the well for Timmy.
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So do I send valentines nudes to the whole class or what?
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Hearing her use her back massager behind a locked door right after sex means I did a good job right?
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@Kissmyazz24
@meansheltercats
Maybe if he placed his order first he would have had a little better luck. She asked him three times and three times he yammered on about a cartoon. Any of us would have lost patience with him.
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Had to get my picture taken for my drivers liscence today. Lady used her phone and made me take my shirt off, is that what the new normal is?
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Sometimes it’s fun to recite song lyrics, like the poetry they are, instead of sing them.
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Let’s see those black and whites. Good one though. Not like this one.
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Need good vibes y’all. Gotta take off early to go to the vet. My ride or die will be 15 next month. He is blind and happy, but his knees can’t carry him over the threshold anymore. I’m not ready.
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My mechanic said that loud noise coming out of my truck was just me ugly crying on my lunch breaks.
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Do you look your age? Post a pic 📸
43🤷♂️
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None of my pizza rolls popped open....so I’ll call that a win for 2020.
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I know it’s summer, and I like a set of long legs as much as the next guy, but not to sound like an ol fashioned prude here......... I think your shorts should at least be longer than your vagina.
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Jailed first thing in the morning on my birthday. Ain’t that a bitch.
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I'm pretty sure Patrick swayze just helped me with my pottery project.
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New year new you? Nah. New year same you, just little bit faster, and stronger. You already know what you’re made of.
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My buddy rescued a puppy out of a ditch, and all of us have fallen in love with it. My buddy especially. Any idea what this little fella could be?
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If a girl invites you into her place after a date....be a gentleman. An invitation is not an assumption. She makes all the rules and you should abide by them at all times.
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I hit the like button everytime I see a selfie on my TL because confidence is awesome. Man, woman, or beast....never stop being you.
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NASA can read my smart watch from space, yet McDonald's is incapable of walkie talkies that can make an audible difference between the words "no pickles please" and “filet-o-fish with a fuck ass load of tar-tar on the outside of the bun please.”
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Liking a tweet without retweeting it is like saying..
”you are awesome, but I’ll tell my friends about you never”
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So I dedecided to go in this direction, thank y’all for the input, I hope it turned out nice.
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Hi. I'm the nice guy you want. You didn't notice me because I'm standing behind the asshole you wanna tell your friends about
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I’m so glad you ended your tweet with “that’s it, that’s the tweet”. I not only don’t have to scream “THEN WHAT!?!” at my phone, It totes saved me from a suspense driven pants shitting.
Thanks again.
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If men could get pregnant, birth control would be passed out by football coaches.
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Anybody out there have a guess as to what I’ve got here?
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Got glasses?
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This is a pretty good week to be nice to each other. Mind your manners for a couple days.
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How drunk can a skunk actually get. I mean really. Also, who keeps buying booze for that skunk.
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Mechanic just told me the weird noise I heard sitting at that stop light was me crying.
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I need to know every detail about this epic battle. The escalation, the battle itself, and what happened after.
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