I take my cranberry sauce outta the can and ribbed for my pleasure.

I gained this extra weight so I can maximize the benefit of my push ups.

As an electrician and a freak I can confirm ⚡

Pain

But is she finger lickin' good?

After ignore your to-do-list Tuesday Comes waste your Wednesday Then don’t do things Thursday And finally fuck around Friday Weeks go by so fast

Chew with your mouth closed, pippy. For the love of fuck, you're making my ears bleed.

The first slice of bread stays in the bag until it meets the last slice of bread

I’d stuff your turkey

"Before I dig in, can you tell me if this ass is gluten-free?"

I don't mind a chat but you insist on sticking a chit in there and ruining it

I would conquer the world if I had someone to make the calls and fill in the forms

She’s a lot Boobs and all

She’s magic. Except when she makes money disappear

Tip for the guys:  When a woman asks what you're looking for in a relationship, "a way out" isn't the right answer.

She found peace in books and old music.

For the record if you trip hard enough you can bust open a can of biscuits that may be mistake for fireworks or stray gunshot. Unrelated, aisle 20 is not crowded if anyone needed a loaf of bread. 😳😬🫣

Maybe tomorrow will be another day….

Confucius said a lot of weird shit….

Love