I saw this picture on an Instagram spiritual rock yoga account today. It really resonated with me. Go with peace, anonymous rock artist.

Having some mad post-Thanksgiving diarrhea today. Or, as I like to call it, Squanto's Revenge.

Calling myself 5 years in the future, bitch be like who tf is this, like really bitch ? 🙄

We'll never move forward as a species as long as there are people who hold on to religious beliefs.

Congruent af

Life: when life gives you lemons... Me: cool can I get a lemon ? Life: ... no

this tweet is crawling with at least 11 literary devices

Me and the boys just found a case of expired Miralax behind the Walgreens. We're gonna light the burn barrel and have a good old fashioned hobo shit frenzy

Can't wait to *crack open a few cold ones with the boys this weekend *go grave robbing

*youth pastor holding a Bible "Hey, guys. How about instead of cracking open a cold with the boys, we crack open an old one with our bros?"

@Richard67050939 Me and the boys out courting with our fart bonnets on

Me and the boys are gonna go out frumping later

Welp. I got drunk and fucked the turkey carcass again.

I just murdered my entire family because they insisted on watching Mrs. Doubtfire after Thanksgiving dinner

AND ANOTHER THING!

love when ppl online do pathological coffee creamer discourse bc i prioritize observing those who have never been on some low down dirty dog ass bitch shit exhibiting primitive high-arousal amygdala bicameral emotionality induced spertations and i get thrilled to relate to others

Sack of farts and fat logging in

This and this and this and this and this and this.

Every kindergarten class had that one kid who looked like a 5 year old pedophile

Using Klarna to pay for my beard surgery

You've changed, bro. You don't even wear a cloak to our clandestine meetings anymore.