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@seahorse4000

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acute medicine doctor, reads novels to stay sane, northern

Joined November 2019
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
1 year
some of my leaked whatsapps from 2020
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
3 years
It's so shit at work. I don't want to be a war doctor any more.
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
2 years
Someone I resuscitated against really... all odds... has been discharged from hospital.
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
3 years
Well, here’s wave 4. In hot ICU we’re getting young, young and pregnant, young and disabled, unvaccinated covid deniers & (unfortunately) some older vulnerable & vaccinated. Please stay safe. Please go get vaccinated. Don’t forget the decisions that led to this.
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
3 years
That was a shift from a horror film Get vaccinated, you don’t want to meet me
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
3 years
"I'm 23, I didn't get vaccinated, I didn't think it would happen to me" "I'm 70, I'm vulnerable, I've barely left my house for 18 months, I've had both vaccines, I did everything they told me to do, I've been so careful, I don't understand" The two faces of covid right now.
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
2 years
worked all the bank holidays: days, nights it is very, very busy everyone is very, very sick: acuity sky high lots of covid half the day team were off sick ambulances queuing quite a lot of people turning up dead, or dying shortly after arrival ... that ain't good mates.
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
1 year
more leaked whatsapps
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
2 years
Lads I'm a bit scared... And very very tired.
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
3 years
I can't count the number of times today I wrote "40 years old" (or 30, or 35) "fit and well, no medical history, not vaccinated"
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
2 years
in the teeth of winter total system overload my whole family has covid 😢 but I am still working nights over half the night team are off sick it is not safe it is miserable for patients it has been so bad since July we can only do what we can my moral injury has a body count
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
2 years
do you remember feeling mad guilty when so many people died & one of the younger doctors was crying and you took him into the kitchen to hide for a minute, you made two cups of tea and took your masks off to drink them, do you remember wondering if you should
@PippaCrerar
Pippa Crerar
2 years
EXCLUSIVE: No 10 staff held ‘wine-time Fridays’ throughout pandemic with Boris Johnson regularly witnessing the gatherings. Sources say PM encouraged aides to "let off steam" despite indoor socialising being banned under lockdown rules.
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
1 year
Bad shift. Lotta flu. Lotta covid. Lotta pneumonia. Very sick people. Long waits to offload ambulances. No beds. No flow. ED crammed (broke records). Dangerously long waits and indignity pain & harm/death resulting. Very tired & upset staff. Post bank holiday will be even worse.
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
3 years
My summer wave, so far. -kid with PIMS-TS in multiorgan failure -a teenage death -kids in their 20s in ICU -deaths of healthy unvaccinated 30 & 40 yr olds -clinically vulnerable vaccinated patients who thought they were protected, dying (one had just got married)
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
3 years
another shift like the depths of winter how are all the alarms not flashing red right now? man i'm tired, everyone so sick, worked 13 hours and felt so guilty leaving
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
3 years
October; but we're opening the winter pressure wards. Every (currently understaffed) ward has to contribute 1 qualified nurse and 1 unqualified to staff them. A neighbouring hospital is bedding patients in their ambulatory clinics.
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
3 years
however hot you think it is, it's hotter in hot ICU
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
2 years
ED is fucked. So me and the ED reg are stood there in the middle of it, and we looked at each other like, "there must be some kinda way out of here, said the joker to the thief"
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
3 years
25 covid cases in my kids school since last week lalalala everything 's fine
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
3 years
my boyfriend's mum died of covid-19 yesterday it happened exactly like every patient I'd had over and over this terrible terrible winter
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
2 years
I'm jaded as fuck, my grief cup spilled over a long time ago. The suffering washes around me like a sea Don't get old, don't get sick, don't be poor.
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
3 years
Lots of people are off sick Senior & junior Lots of normally mellow people being snappy, telling me they've had headaches for weeks, telling me they're scared of coming to work We're not robots It's been relentless for ages We know the public are angry & scared too Winter to come
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
3 years
September 65 in ED at 8am 15 waiting for medical beds further 15 on medical unit waiting for drs night team hammered no beds in hospital I was in ambulatory care seeing patients direct from ambulances to try and keep beds free
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
3 years
An increasingly standard shift: We tried to shut ED overnight due to patient volume / safety, this is a last-resort thing to do; but we can't divert, because all the other hospitals are in the same position, so there are over 100 patients in ED Ops managers pacing
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
2 years
So now it can take over a day to get an ambulance, and two days to get a hospital bed, and thousands are dying as a direct result, can we say the nhs is overwhelmed, or do we still have to pretend it’s fiiiiine
@ShaunLintern
Shaun Lintern
2 years
Thousands of people could be dying waiting for ambulances or because of long waits on trolleys in A&E. While @sajidjavid talks about elective backlogs, emergency care in the NHS is collapsing. Today's @thesundaytimes report here:
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
3 years
Absolutely overrun with covid, 2nd icu full of covid, converting theatres to a 3rd covid icu Begging for mutual aid
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
2 years
we rant, laugh at the awfulness, do pretty dramatic things in resus, have nowhere to park, miss breaks, snatch 5am cuppas in ICU or the back of resus, have breaking old equipment & don't get me started on the computers, do our best, cry on the drive home & make very black jokes
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
3 years
I had to go to IT dept and there was a small room of 20 people no one was wearing any masks. I goggled at this, and they were like, "oh we don't have to any more, don't know how you cope all day" ....!!! Covid ICU a stone's throw away...!! more covid patients died on my shift!
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
3 years
when it’s 0745 on your last night shift and you’ve kept the hospital’s head above water (just) all week and everyone is bonkers sick but handover is at 0800 NOBODY DO ANYTHING INTERESTING
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
3 years
some of the unvaccinated people who told us they didn't believe covid was real or serious are dying now, and some of the others who said the same are not quite as sick yet, and not fully sedated, and by no means out of the woods, and are in the same bay, and can see it all 😣
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
3 years
just fyi I immediately block anti-vaxxers and from now on will also immediately block people slagging off GPs solidarity to primary care who are weathering a hell of a storm
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
3 years
I rekcon COVID is a 10 level game. Lots of people thought it would be a 1 level game. I think we're on about level 6. Level 6: Variants Can I select a different government to play as?
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
3 years
1. if you're pregnant, please please please get vaccinated, too much sadness 2. can we vaccinate the teens a bit faster and all
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
2 years
not waving but drowning: so I hit a wall, having few days off but I'll go again, I've not given up but my PTSD is bad, working conditions are shit, the situation feels unending, I have too much cumulative grief and my mum has just tested positive for covid
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
3 years
Bay A: pt tests positive for covid (on routine 2nd swab, admission swab was negative). Needs to be moved to side room or covid ward. 5 pts are exposed, need retesting. No one can be admitted to this bay Bay B same day: oh look, same bloody story
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
2 years
@BBCPolitics Hi, this is what was happening at the end of shifts, thanks
@seahorse4000
seahorse
3 years
At the end of their shift, as I arrive, one of the night doctors tells me that nine patients died overnight and they can't face going to handover, can they just go home now /4
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
2 years
My boyfriend didn't see his mum at christmas because that was against the rules, and then a month later she caught & rapidly died of covid and he said goodbye over facetime. We had a tiny masked funeral. He is struggling now, with christmas approaching again. And they laugh.
@PaulBrandITV
Paul Brand
2 years
EXCLUSIVE: Video obtained by ITV News shows Downing Street staff joking about a Christmas party on 18th December last year. No 10 has spent the past week denying any rules were broken. This new evidence calls that into question.
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
3 years
It feels like disaster medicine. I can do it but I don't know for how long, I feel like I'm gonna need chunks of time off to do this long term. I worry about the new doctors. My skin has gone to shit with FFP3. Exhausted but can't sleep.
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
3 years
A long shift in PPE in the summer is complete shit, by the way!
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
2 years
The junior doctors seem to think it's their fault. It feels like it's your fault when you're there. Some are staying 2 hrs late after 13 hr shifts, they can't bear to leave. Half a day team, half a night team, last men standing Poor junior docs. I leave, so I can come back.
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
3 years
the hardest part is walking from the carpark to handover if you're nhs, you know
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
3 years
There is a lot of staff sickness and I get asked to work extras every shift. I work my shifts but rarely extras because I am totally knackered after 18 months of this, and I feel permanently guilty. This does not feel like a strong position to enter autumn.
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
2 years
If I get sacked I'll sleep for a month then sort out that ice cream selling business my kid wants me to do instead of being a doctor
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
2 years
everyone is so sick we go on divert, again resus is full, again ambulances are stacked, again I have compassion fatigue I feel nothing when people die I phone/bleep my juniors a lot and tell them things aren't their fault I am simmering fury in morning handover I am very tired
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
3 years
-meanwhile ED at record attendances. Medicine with record admissions. 100mph every day. Mainly non covid but covid adds pressure too. -Every morning: no beds. Ambulances queueing. -not-quite-joking discussions of when do we start putting up tents outside ED? -This is August.
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
2 years
Patients came to ED on sunday and I saw them early monday morning and tuesday night they were still there, waiting for beds Sick patients, who need specialist input and procedures and and and. In corners of ED On Tuesday we opened another winter pressures ward. It's April
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
3 years
6 hours after going home from my last 13 hour night shift, after a week of day and night shifts, I got a very polite & desperate message asking if there was any chance I could come back in to work some extra hours? I think this is a new record... *mutes all whatsapp groups*
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
28 days
It only took 13.5 yrs and 28 jobs and being pregnant & breastfeeding on an SHO rota and beating childhood cancer and a lil pandemic and >20 sessions of EMDR but CCT ✅ Substantive consultant post ✅
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
3 years
-the worst ever patient journey, from angrily arguing with us in ED that they don't believe in covid, to CPAP, to ICU, to ventilation, to death, those wretched family phone calls -tears and panic attacks and anger (staff). Hugs too -PPE in a heatwave is shit
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
2 years
There’s a lot of abuse to staff at work and it’s not good. Also: A doctor I know has had a written complaint put in to PALS saying that they are a lizard. They do not yet know if they have to respond.
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
3 years
Double vaccinated covid was a rarity in July but it's not now Someone dies of covid every shift, usually weeks after admission There are sick children with covid on the children's ward We've had sick prem babies on neonates after early sections to save mum on ICU with covid
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
2 years
This is not safe
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
2 years
@RhonddaBryant We absolutely did nothing of the sort We did not even sit near each other in the staff room Several people did not go home to their families or sent their families elsewhere to protect them I used to scrub every inch of everything after every shift before I let my kids touch me
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
3 years
Seeing working age people with long covid who have nothing I can treat but are too breathless & tired to function or work, waiting for long covid clinic appointments. Confused & angry 45 yr old plasterers and busdrivers, "never been sick in my life" types
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
3 years
ED and medicine remain significantly busier than the worst winter crisis I've ever seen. The entire system is overloading.
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
3 years
-ICU full to winter levels and higher than 1st wave levels -"non clinical transfers" from ICU to other hospitals (ie we've got no space! help!) -the covid wards open again -some more covid cardiac arrests, they don't survive -readmitted patients who we thought were getting better
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
3 years
-very sick unvaccinated pregnant women -early sections to try and help pregnant women with covid survive -lots of covid + pneumothorax! -surgical emphysema like a horror film, faces and chest blown up -january covid patient readmitted, deteriorating, now needing heart transplant
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
2 years
Where I draw solace There was better staffing the night after I massively kicked off at morning handover Jaded A&E regs who give me cups of tea and black jokes in between the battles Excellent brave and hardworking junior doctors who have only ever known it to be like this
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
3 years
Thread: When I ask if they're ok, about half of nurses and doctors casually describe ptsd-ish symptoms to me (insomnia, anger, distress, intrusive thoughts, panic attacks, sleeping pills)  /1
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
4 months
btw, do you like my new scrubs
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
2 years
I thought I was over this but I'm furious all over again and having a fucking ton of memories hit me.
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
2 years
@ShaunLintern General election.
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
2 years
At the gates of winter: Volume & acuity are sky high. Covid remains a significant pressure, 5 months into this wave.
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
3 years
It's been 100mph for ages now Some coffee on the go, black humour, bumping into mates in corridors, that's how you get through As you leave the begging messages start, can you stay for some extra hours
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
3 years
if you want to know what’s really happening in a hospital, ask the med reg
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
3 years
If my hospital were a patient, I'd describe it as "critically unwell but stable" right now. This is better than "peri-arrest", which is where we could have been heading 3 wks ago. We're admitting as many covid patients as die or we discharge. ICU is half covid. It's holding.
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
3 years
flu jabbed in one arm, covid boosted in the other, you wanna come at me viruses?? YOU WANT SOME?
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
3 years
The best thing I did last week was take 5 mins to dash and buy a cake for my patient because he'd been admitted to hospital on his birthday. We sang him happy birthday (masked & distanced). He was 93 and looked so chuffed. He's not got covid. I hope he'll go home. /end
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
3 years
People always ask me, is it covid? Well it's not mainly covid coming in, but there's enough; & it's not stopping, & covid tangles everything - infection control, staff off with covid, staff off with kids with covid, the grim horror of the covid wards, still/always half of ICU.
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
2 years
When ED is already a derailed train, on fire, going over a cliff, & over the course of a single shift it turns from a line of covid cubicles to half the dept a hot zone, oh & they cancel all hospital visiting midshift again, that kinda messes with my ptsd tbh Round 6?
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
2 years
@clairabellejp GPs have always seen patients, as well as doing telephone/online consultations. We are 1000s of GPs short, they are overwhelmed But this is not due to GPs. This is social care collapse plus exit block plus staffing crisis plus pandemic
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
3 years
Immediately after going viral, I make a coffee, take a breath and do a quick block session of twats
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
2 years
I've now been off work with covid for over 4 weeks (apart from attempting a few night shifts where I spent large chunks lying on a trolley) I mean it was good I didn't catch it until now despite all the waves I've worked, but this is really shit. I really hope I get better.
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
2 years
We're here lads, and it breaks my heart
@ShaunLintern
Shaun Lintern
3 years
Have you ever wondered what the collapse of the NHS would actually look like? It's in the small things - my latest @Independent newsletter:
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
4 years
@MichaelRosenYes People have been helpfully telling me their sister works in the NHS and the hospitals are empty, when I'm just home from a shift where we have minus 15 beds to start the night
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
9 months
new med reg bleep: duty radiology called me hopping mad because "the surgeons are lying to my face" "listen to this am i going crazy" "I have to tell someone" is it lonely in radiology at 3am... come to the AMU office if you can stand the light...
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
3 years
All teaching/training cancelled until further notice You apologise to every pt you see for their 16 hr wait. Falling asleep in chairs. Or in pain, angry Even in the designated "cold" assessment area, a good chunk of patients were in with post-covid problems
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
2 years
Dear Santa, for Christmas I'd quite like to be able to vaccinate my kids
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
2 years
Running on empty Grief at home Grief at work A&E: breaking, not safe covid wards: still grim as fuck
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
3 years
last week I was angry, but now I'm just sad, exhausted & sad
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
2 years
you know what? I can't enjoy this. I am just seeing all the begging faces again, the gripping hands, I am just counting out the damage to my own mental and physical health, my family, the funeral
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
2 years
Winter, full throttle No beds Lots of covid (again) Lots and lots of deaths for me recently which every doctor has sometimes but it is so tough when you have a run of it PTSD like a wolf at the door
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
3 years
Did one day in a "cold" clinic, it was like a weird relief. I was telling some wild stories about my usual job. I randomly started crying about the winter at one point and all the nurses hugged me and started shouting at each other "this is what the public don't see!"
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
2 years
@joncstone I remember this, it was framed like this woman was unemployed, when actually she had a full time job BBC was forced to apologise
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
2 years
like a virgin touched for the very first time
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
3 years
Like a mug, I have agreed to switch from day shifts to night shifts this weekend as both are short but the night team way more so. Gaps/sickness. So many gaps and sickness. I can do a night shift practically on my own I'm sure... I mean I'm the fucking med reg
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
2 years
Trying to ignore the gaslighting and rewriting of pandemic history Some of us were there, you know.
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
3 years
... Resus calls. Horrendously sick covid patients coming in. One dies in resus. ICU creaking at the seams. Covid inpatients have doubled in the last fortnight. Everything's FINE...
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
2 years
@danbloom1 Stop using pictures of people relaxing on the beach to illustrate 40 degree heat.
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
3 years
the flashbacks are bothering me again, and I guess I'm adding some new ones too... I can keep going, and it's not about me, but it sucks.
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
2 years
so I am having trauma counselling which i am finding brutal then EMDR and I have come off the oncall rota for a few weeks while I do this so I'm still at work but not doing - the howling heart of it it's never been more broken & we have no doctors feel shit about myself tbh
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
3 years
clinically vulnerable people are also coming to ICU with covid despite double vaccines, some of them are dying too
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
2 years
I just think people have no idea
@LawrenceDunhill
Lawrence Dunhill
2 years
Emergency care was starting to creak before covid - but that was nothing compared to now Including new figures for Nov...
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
3 years
There have been serious incidents in backs of ambulances, waiting. Saw a patient who had waited 12 hours to see a doctor in another hospital then given up gone home, family dragged her into our hospital, finally saw her after another 9 hours. She was sick.
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
7 months
Could have basically written this statement
@The_TUC
Trades Union Congress
7 months
'My worst day was losing eight patients in one shift. I cried for two days' Heart-breaking testimony from NHS staff at the Covid Inquiry.
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
3 years
Whole families in hospital with covid, scattered across wards. A crying old lady on the ward round today. "I don't know how we caught it we were so careful all year" "I know my husband's going to die, but please save my son"
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
3 years
@Femi_Sorry "Are you going to break international law" "Yes" Great to be led by a group of criminals. Our global reputation is doing well right now isn't it...
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
3 years
My sister in law is a teacher, masks are back in school
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
3 years
"it's ok they're asymptomatic and vaccinated" - in cubicle C was a frail patient admitted for something completely different and benign. Awaiting discharge for social reasons. Tested positive, documented as "asymptomatic covid". But on oxygen a few days later. Then died.
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@seahorse4000
seahorse
2 years
hi I'm all better from covid, but 2 months of that wasn't fun. I'm not all better from ptsd, but working on it. The hospital is worse than any winter. It's tiring. Nothing witty to say. The boy, the kids, mates, keep me going.
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