Sarah Cooper Profile
Sarah Cooper

@sarahcpr

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2,008,176
Following
4,371
Media
3,144
Statuses
38,804

#UNFROSTED is streaming May 3rd on @Netflix . My book of essays FOOLISH is out now from @duttonbooks

Joined May 2008
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
28 days
I can't wait for you to see this delicious movie. A tale of ambition, betrayal and sugar. Jerry Seinfeld’s directorial debut, UNFROSTED is coming to Netflix on May 3. @jerryseinfeld @melissamccarthy @JimGaffigan @wilfredburr @SebastianComedy @iammaxgreenfield
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
4 years
How to medical
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
4 years
How to cognitive
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
4 years
How to bible
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
4 years
How to person woman man camera tv
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
4 years
How to more cases than anybody in the world
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
4 years
Pence: Stop playing politics with people’s lives Trump: You better vote for me if you want a relief bill
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
4 years
It’s true! I’m getting a Netflix special! And I couldn’t have done it without all your support, THANK YOU SO MUCH ❤️❤️❤️
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
4 years
If they want to ban TikTok cuz it’s owned by China shouldn’t they ban Trump since he’s owned by Russia
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
4 years
Petition to turn Trump Tower into subsidized housing, since that’s what it’s apparently been this whole time anyway
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
4 years
Trump is literally just tweeting, all day, every day, he does nothing else. Honestly I’ve never felt more qualified to be president
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
4 years
Breaking: Trump says he cannot release the results of his Covid test because they are under audit
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
4 years
How to lobster
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
4 years
How to second term
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
4 years
How to water
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
4 years
White House releases guidance on how to stay COVID-free: 1. Don't get tested
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
3 years
He spent 4 years golfing. And people are still voting for him. I will never understand it
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
4 years
Oh my god, when they said Trump would kill the republican party, they meant... literally
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
3 years
I knew we’d be happy but I didn’t realize we’d be spontaneous dance parties in the street happy. What a moment
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
4 years
BIDEN 2020: HE WON'T TRY TO KILL YOU
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
4 years
I tested very positively
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
4 years
Are you feeling down? Isolated? Uncertain about the future? Worried about what comes next? Then you may be suffering from... consciousness
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
4 years
Trump 2016: Things are bad, vote for me so I can fix them Trump 2020: Things are even worse, vote for me or else things will get much much worse
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
3 years
Lots of jokes about the My Pillow guy but ask yourself this: does anyone know who Biden’s pillow guy is? we’re about to have a president who has no advisors from the pillow industry, let that sink in
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
4 years
How to tick tack
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
4 years
Republicans gather to proclaim how well the country is doing, in an event held virtually because a containable virus killed almost 180,000 Americans in 6 months
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
3 years
I hope Trump goes back to hosting celebrity apprentice but this time whenever he tries to fire anyone, they sue him and refuse to leave
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
4 years
How to immigration policy
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
4 years
Honestly I have so much material I'm going to need a 3 hour special at this point
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
4 years
They are now cheering the president's ability to DRINK A GLASS OF WATER
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
4 years
How to hydroxychloroquine
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
4 years
How to Lincoln
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
4 years
New plan: we set up a fake university and tell Trump we're giving him an honorary medical degree, when he shows up we trap him in a Truman Show style world where we can watch him pretend to be president but he can't actually hurt anyone
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
4 years
It is so exhausting being everybody’s one black friend right now
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
4 years
Breaking news: Jared Kushner seen entering the West Wing carrying a notepad and a dvd of Weekend at Bernie’s
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
3 years
My drug of choice tonight is hearing Sean Hannity say “President Biden”
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
4 years
How it How it’s started going
Tweet media one
Tweet media two
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
3 years
Kinda weird trump is only seeing fraud in the states he might lose, is that just a coincidence
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
4 years
The RNC will likely be deemed a super spreader of both coronavirus and bullshit propaganda
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
4 years
How to the black people
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
3 years
If Twitter can slap a warning on Trump's tweets they can turn off the retweet button on them. If you know it's false, why do you continue to allow it to be shared?
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
3 years
I like the president's new tone! Silent!
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
4 years
Fun fact: The Constitution gives Congress the right to censure the president but when they don’t have the guts to do so, that responsibility will go to... *checks notes* ...Twitter
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
3 years
I’m a lawyer for the Trump campaign
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
4 years
Amy Coney Barrett watched Mitch McConnell obstruct Obama's Supreme Court justice nomination 8 months before the election but is now fine being confirmed WHILE PEOPLE ARE VOTING. She knows this is wrong and she doesn't care. #VoteThemAllOut
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
4 years
Ugh I've got this song stuck in my head it's called Fuck You Mitt Romney
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
3 years
Trump just lost Georgia for the 11,780th time
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
3 years
Retweet if you will never vote for another republican ever again
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
4 years
Still processing the fact that I said the president has no clue what he’s talking about on national television 😬
@Acyn
Acyn
4 years
Sarah Cooper: I like the ability to sort of take off the emperor’s clothes, take away the podium and the people behind him nodding and the suit.. and just have the words there with my facial expressions so people can literally see he has no clue what he’s talking about
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
4 years
Why does Tucker Carlson still have a job
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
4 years
The news is so disturbing and anxiety inducing so to relax my husband and I are watching The Shining
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
4 years
I don’t want 4 more years of this administration. Actually if someone could take back the last 4 that would be great. I want 4 less years
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
4 years
Having the Blue Angels fly over the city for healthcare workers is like when I ask my husband for help around the house and he buys me flowers
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
4 years
I want the national guard to arrest the looters in the white house
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
4 years
I hope we are able to get Trump out of office in 10 days. But I will never get over how bad it had to get for us to even have a chance of getting rid of him
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
4 years
Starting to think the only deal Trump ever closed was the one he made with the devil
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
4 years
This picture should be in the dictionary next to the word failure
Tweet media one
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
3 years
I’m sorry, whose anger is on trial here? The person who killed someone or the person who saw someone kill someone? ffs
@CBSNews
CBS News
3 years
In a tense exchange, bystander Donald Williams pushed back when the Derek Chauvin's attorney asked whether he grew more and more angry with Chauvin during the fatal arrest of George Floyd. "I stayed in my body. You can't paint me out to be angry."
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
3 years
Biden should seek a recount of Alaska just to fuck with Trump's head
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
4 years
I hope the ghost of Ruth Bader Ginsburg haunts them all forever
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
4 years
“No I’m sorry, you go ahead.” “No please you.” “No I cut you off.” “No I cut YOU off!” “Okay if you insist...” “I do!” -Scene from the first presidential debate between two women
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
3 years
Michigan just turned blue.
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
3 years
You guys, we have gotten to see Trump lose multiple times every single day for a week! God is real
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
3 years
I’m not thanking Republicans for shit at this point. I’m done praising them for doing the bare fucking minimum after what they’ve put us through
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
4 years
If Trump wins in November and Democrats do not gain control of the Senate, it will be the end of American democracy and there will be a Trump in the White House for the next 20-30 years. Happy Monday!
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
4 years
Next time someone asks me who my favorite comedians are I’m just going to say Republicans
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
4 years
I don’t know why Leslie Stahl even gives Trump the time of day
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
4 years
Trump's failures are real, and they are spectacular
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
4 years
Good news guys, on Fox News they're saying racism doesn't exist. Woo hoo
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
4 years
You can’t expect to be successful if you spend all day scrolling Twitter on your phone. At some point you need to get your shit together and scroll Twitter on your laptop
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
3 years
Very soothing
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
4 years
How to real estate
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Sarah Cooper
4 years
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
4 years
If more testing creates more cases, and Trump gets tested every single day, then… shouldn’t he... ya know... be the most likely person in the world to get it?
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
3 years
If Hillary Clinton was tweeting that she won the election a week after she lost the election she would’ve already been declared persona non grata by her own party
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
4 years
I believe we should do everything we can to prevent more people from dying... but, you know, I don’t want to get all political on here
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
2 years
My god can we just have one year where nothing happens just one year
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
3 years
Rudy Guiliani’s covid diagnosis proves that the virus can travel from bat to human back to bat
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
4 years
Someone just pointed at me on the street and said “look it’s Donald Trump”
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
4 years
A dating app where you watch a comedy video and you match with people based on which part of the video you laughed at most. This is either brilliant or evidence that I only got 2 hours of sleep last night
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
4 years
How to drugs
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
3 years
Finally, a president who will actually work from early in the morning until late in the evening and make many calls and have many meetings #InaugurationDay
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
3 years
Call me greedy but I want the Senate too
@ossoff
Jon Ossoff
3 years
January 5. History is calling. We need everyone in this fight.
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
3 years
Why am I *already* watching the news like I have no clue how to pace myself
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
4 years
Listen, I hate Trump as much as the next guy, but... if he gives Tucker Carlson coronavirus, I dunno, maybe he does deserve the Nobel peace prize
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
3 years
I’ve almost reached my 100 book reading goal for 2020 just 99 books to go
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
4 years
I’m lazy but I’m also a perfectionist. It’s a problem
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
4 years
How am I more nervous now than I was in 2016
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
4 years
Should I take insulin
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
4 years
Trump: "We've got some incredible answers and we'll let you know what those answers are once we make them up"
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
4 years
"We're last. Meaning, we're first."
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
3 years
Republicans are basically saying black votes are illegal, next they’ll say they’re only worth 3/5ths of a vote
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
3 years
IT HAPPENED
Tweet media one
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
3 years
Me Tuesday: Please, please, just get to 270 Me today: I WANT ALL THE STATES ARIZONA NEVADA GEORGIA PENNSYLVANIA I WANT THEMALLLLL
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
4 years
These impeachment hearings are like if Sesame Street was trying to figure out if Cookie Monster ate all the cookies
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@sarahcpr
Sarah Cooper
4 years
Good news everybody: Mexico is gonna pay for the vaccine
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