Robin Allender
@robinallender
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Following
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I was playing a tree trunk in a forest of fools
London, England
Joined October 2009
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Pinned Tweet
Hello, my new album Underground River is out today. I hope you like it!
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Long shot I know but does anyone know where I can get some American candy in central London
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This is probably a stupid question but if plug a mouse into one of these do you get to drive the bus
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Here’s to the died in their sleepers, the tall building leapers, the drowned in the deepers (advert for coffins)
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My friend just told me he was once at a wedding where the bloke who was doing the music for walking up the aisle was meant to play Purple Rain and he played it on YouTube and there was a Deliveroo ad in the middle of it
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Only Connect is an endless battle between thinking you’re really clever and realising you’ve just been listening to the team conferring
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This salt looks like a secondhand Muriel Spark novel
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I love how parents will occasionally drop in a fact like ‘I saw Duke Ellington live’. The first band I saw live was Sleeper.
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Find someone who loves you as much as 40-something blokes love Pavement
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One of the funniest things I’ve seen in recent years is Rick Stein talking to an Italian chef who gesticulates with his hands so much that Stein thinks he’s pointing at something behind him
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Remarkably the jingle I composed for the John and Elis show had been remixed by Goldie Lookin’ Chain
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Transform a limerick into an arresting haiku by removing the last two lines:
There was an old man from Peru
Who dreamt he was eating his shoe
He woke in the night
@TwopTwips
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I’m in one of those burger places where the menu is like ‘the motherfucker burger with wanked on fries and a side of shitty onion rings’
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I feel like if I was Will Smith I’d have really messed up the shouty bit. TAKE MY MOUTH OUT OF YOUR WIFE’S NAME or something. Super embarrassing.
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Great times last night with
@nomadicrevery
and
@Isysuttie
for the first live
@moonunderpod
! Here we are by the bins.
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There’s a bit in The Muppets’ Christmas Carol where Gonzo says “the years performed their terrible dance”. I just checked and that line isn’t in the book. Now I’m not saying that The Muppets are better than Dickens, I’m just putting it out there.
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How many times are you saying “we’re just normal men… we’re just innocent men” to yourself? Because I’m pushing 20 a day
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Hello, I’m a toy cowboy in a movie, my name is Woody and I have lots of adventures with my friends.
Hello, I'm a professor in a movie, I only reach the main point of my lecture right as class is ending. Then I yell at students about the reading / homework as they leave.
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Can’t remember who told me this but apparently one time Barry Cryer cornered Stewart Lee in a bar in Edinburgh and accused him of stealing his jokes. Stewart Lee looked confused and affronted. Barry Cryer said “that’s my bit about vomiting up the anus of Christ!” RIP
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I love pints:
•The first bit is delicious and really refreshing
•The middle bit is just as nice
•The last bit – well it’s a bit sad that it’s over – but it still tastes really good
And then of course you can just go and buy another one!
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You have five minutes in an M&S before your train departs – what do you buy?
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Love how those lads in Stalker remembered to bring a bag of cans to the Zone
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Just remembering all the gigs I didn’t go to because I couldn’t be bothered to go out
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I found a shop that sells all three different sizes of Stella can. Quite a peaceful moment.
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What was it about being 13 that made you really want a zippo lighter
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How did they expect us to believe this was the same pair of trousers? Absolute bullshit
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Thanks
@nomadicrevery
for this stunning housewarming gift of an actual pint pulling keg cooling drinking machine
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Little guitar arrangement of Strawberry Fields Forever. No worries if not!
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Thanks so much for all the kind and understanding comments about the Moon Under Water today, it's very much appreciated! Thank you for listening.
Some changes are afoot at The Moon Under Water.
Listen:
🍻
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I bet all their parents’ houses have a little room at the entrance where you can ‘leave your wellies’
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Very John & Elis start to Elif Batuman’s novel The Idiot
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The day feels so empty and meaningless when you do your wordle the night before
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Absolutely iconic to save a penalty and then shout FUCK OFF afterwards
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I just think if Bob Marley didn’t shoot the deputy, why bring it up in the first place
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If you like this tweet I’ll write a novel about you! Let’s see how many tweets/novels we can get going!
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Do you remember that bit of lockdown when Ben Fogle said we should all sing happy birthday to the Queen and when everyone made fun of him he blamed it on his daughter or was that a dream
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Can’t remember if I’ve posted this before, but this is an incredible resource. Someone on Flickr is uploading every single NME and Melody Maker:
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@NatashaHodgson
Cary Grant is from Bristol, not Surrey – a detail that annoys me every time I watch it
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Love the fact that after the statue was toppled someone put some drum n bass on. Literally the most Bristol thing that could have happened.
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Whenever I see people on Twitter use ‘threads’ I always think of the film ‘Threads’. Important not to get them confused. One is an apocalyptic depiction of how human society will end, and the other is a 1984 BBC drama written by Barry Hines.
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Met someone who’s seen me do standup today. He said “I’ve seen you do standup” and left it at that, absolutely fair play.
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Whence pints, wherefore pubs
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Thrilled to write the jingles for the new Elis and John pod(s)
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Feel like if God appeared at Glastonbury and played a set that expanded human consciousness and redefined what we even know as music someone would comment on the 6 Music Instagram ‘shittest set of the weekend’
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Take me down to the paradigm city where the grass is grass and the girls are girls
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Left uni 20 years ago. Back in the college bar tonight. People are wearing these jeans. Time is a flat circle!
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When I hear 'tropical depression' I think of
@nomadicrevery
when he was going through his rum phase
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To my mind the greatest photograph ever taken is of my friend getting chucked out of a restaurant
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One year since Edgar Wright’s extraordinarily bold claim that he was sick of being mistaken for one of the most handsome men on the planet
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Watched Hard Days Night again recently and made an note of some of favourite lines. Absolutely chock-full of gems.
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Favourite bit of the new Oasthouse is Partridge writing a novel which features a woman who turns so many heads she’s known as the ‘owl maker’
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The most successful people I’ve met:
1. Ross
2. Rachel
3. Joey
4. Monica
5. Chandler
6. Phoebe
7. Friends!
The most successful people I've met:
1. Read constantly
2. Workout daily
3. Are innately curious
4. Have laser focus
5. Believe in themselves
6. Build incredible teams
7. Admit they know very little
8. Constantly work to improve
9. Demand excellence in everything they do
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Coming back on Twitter to say why didn’t Van Morrison called his anti-lockdown album AstraZeneca Weeks?
I just didn’t know what to do with that thought and I had to put it somewhere. As you were!
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Feel sorry for the Oxford vaccine. It has a lifetime of nostalgia awaiting it. The dimly lit Bear pub where the vaccine had its first pint, the vaccine trudging across the frosty parks for Michaelmas lectures, the vaccine punting down the lazy river of Trinity.
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There are thousands ~and thousands~ of men in London tonight doing a extra shake after a wee in what I’m calling the ‘pastel shorts effect’
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Can’t believe there’s actually a bit in the Bohemian Rhapsody film where Freddie says “we’ve got to save some Africans!”
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The correct answer is: a big bag of ‘Combo Mix’ crisps and four cans of Belgian Lager. Don’t care if you’re travelling from London to Reading, that’s what you’re getting.
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A Cobra meeting about Corona?
What next, a Kingfisher meeting about Sol?
Losing loads of followers at the moment!!
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I thought the British press loved a Blitz analogy? How about this: I was bored of the blackout and it was damaging the economy so I put my lights on all night.
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Do you remember the incredible feeling of intellectual nous you’d achieve by casually proclaiming in sixth form that peeling the labels off beer bottles meant that you were “sexually frustrated”
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Saw a pub yesterday and thought ‘that place looks full of cunts’ and when I got closer I saw Nigel Farage smoking outside in a pair of Union Jack shoes
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The DI Robbyns theme is now available to download and stream! I have added a bridge which John described as 'a step too far'. Thanks to Will Robins for the fantastic artwork. This will make absolutely no sense if you don't listen to Elis and John haha.
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The thing with The Beatles song is that it's a version of what could have happened if life hadn't have been so unbelievably cruel, and the fact that it exists at all is actually wonderful. If you don't like it, that's fine, but that's what the song means (to me).
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Was lucky enough to get this incredible shot in the wild today
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Fewer films and TV programmes about men murdering women might be a good start
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I would dearly love a Saturday afternoon mooch around bookshops and pubs
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#VeryBritishProblems
Words every Brit hates to hear:
Rail-replacement bus service
Mind if I join you?
We’ve run out of teabags!
The moon is haunted
The green of the grass and the blue of the sky are immense and terrifying
The yew trees are murmuring: “forgo redemption”
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Can anyone recommend a song to play for my friend Mack? We’re throwing a party for his return tonight.
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My New Year’s resolution is to only read one book at a time and to be a completely different person
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Interesting to note that with the baggy jeans revival people are wearing them so that the hems don’t drag along the ground. It is possible to learn from the mistakes of the past.
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Lovely to crack a poppadom with these two excellent people
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OMG! I’m going to be providing support (literal, emotional) for
@nomadicrevery
’s Hot Shame tour later this year! Dates here:
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Already seen a couple of fights break out on the bus home with people disagreeing about the new Rooney. Pubs are going to be mental tonight. Stay safe.
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Have you watched Love Actually recently? It’s fucking shit!
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Important day in Beatle land but also ADAM BUXTON SAID HE LIKED MY JINGLES
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I can’t concentrate on the questions cos I just keep thinking John’s on this
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When I was young we didn’t have double glazing, we lived in the sewer and survived on pizza and the teachings of an elderly mutant rat called Splinter
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