Smoking on that shit that made Ford Focus

I love telling bitches Take Care like I’m Drake

me with the laundry from the dryer

Just got called into HR for having my intern manually input all 117 of my Zyn rewards codes

https://t.co/mvvVXMC5Co

https://t.co/cBQ0LL06Pd

If I'm squaring up with an old husky man and he hits a jump kick on me I am also absolutely just going for the handshake diplomacy check, that guy is gonna beat the brakes off me

Dostoevsky wrote this after nearly being executed: “When I look back at my life, I feel pain not because of suffering, but because of wasted time. I see how carelessly I lived, how often I ignored the quiet voice of my soul, how rarely I understood the value of a single moment.

Opening up to a girl is like going to the future and killing yourself

Now I understand why older people are calmer. After you’ve died enough times inside, you learn to breathe, let go, and simply be.

This is why I’m on the internet

Sam Darnold just cited his father as his idol. He said he remembers his dad would wake up at 2:30 a.m. for his job as a medical gas plumber, and he would get home at 1 p.m. He'd take a brief nap on the couch, and as soon as Sam would get home from school, he'd be out in the yard

we need to delete all apps off our phones and meet in the forest

my god this is the truest thing ever posted

Well, here's a Thursday night rabbit hole for me: > Epstein was killed August 10th, 2019. > The Epstein Files show his YouTube account, username: littlestjeff1 > The files also show he used the same username on the video game Fortnite, and he was an avid player—showing

There is absolutely zero chance that this spokesman quoted Tony Soprano accidentally.

bad news twin: time is flying good news: you the pilot twin u the fuckin pilot

and once you tell me i can ash on the floor i know i'm somewhere i'm not supposed to be

Every fucking one of these documents is like From: <███████> To: jeevacation@ gmail. com Subject: Crimes I loved killing all those people with you last week. Do it again soon? Sent From My iPad

Still the realest tweet ever written