you’re telling me mike was hard when he made this lemonade?

minestrone soup 🍃

Anyone excited for XGame?

michelin star buttered toast

being a fast walker in a friend group of slow walkers kills you faster than cigarettes

not tryna heal, tryna get suffocated by her thighs

him: gets down on knee to propose me: drop to your knees and bark like you want it oooo we’re not role playing rn lol my bad

they’re gonna be reading all our tweets from this time period in 50 years in AP History. everyone say hi to the bored students!!!! hiiiii !!!!!

The scariest stories this October aren’t fiction—they’re funded. Read the new Capital Research magazine issue on our website!

thai masseuses can turn you into a contortionist

Choppelgänger, noun. Someone that looks like you, but very chopped.

Trick-or-treating is great for teaching kids to take candy from strangers.

having to pee really puts things into perspective. like ok none of this matters

🚨The MISSION: MAKE AMERICA HEALTHY AGAIN Take back power from Big Food and Big Pharma! See the inspiring health leaders that we interviewed, all in Virginia. @RWMaloneMD @MichaelRCaputo Doctors, farmers, and moms…all bonding over the renewal of health across our land!

sorry just read ur text from last weekend, are u guys still at the bar

going back in time to give Mary Shelley a solar powered hitachi and a bag of reese’s pumpkins just to say thank you

Losing my edge? You mean gooning?

this headline hums with ancient autumnal dread

BREAKING: Gavin Newsom officially considers 2028 presidential campaign. 22% chance he’s the next POTUS.

fun happenings on tiktok live

these two legends

If all sports are rigged someone really fucking hates the browns

hydrate today squirt tomorrow

Account just rocks with precision! I bet if you can find a better trader than me! 😎

ginger ale is considered soup because it heals you