Charlie James
@nonbinarycowboy
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Following
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1,304
former horse girl, current jokes guy
Los Angeles
Joined March 2019
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Pinned Tweet
that's not bisexual lighting girl you are being pulled over
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If I didn’t have access to abortion as a teenager there’d be a third grader named Hermione.
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Told my 94 year old grandmother that they make electric cars now and she said “I don’t need to hear about that kind of thing.”
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is this the edible talking or is lemon a beautiful name for a baby
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the best thing in the world is a smoothie but the worst thing in the world is washing a blender. wherein lies my peace
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not having a crush is dangerous. what am i supposed to think about. what if i invent something
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i would like to take part in a scheme. not a pyramid one, just a lil heist or something
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the worst part about being sober is knowing what’s going on
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having a friend crush is so embarrassing like hey would you be interested in understanding me
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being trans is weird why am i an adult man with cheerleader handwriting
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i want to get really good at skateboarding but i don’t want anyone to see me practice even one time
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oh no it’s happening again (googling graduate school, cutting my own hair, “cleaning up” my linkedin profile, feeling weird at night, “looking into” CBD, buying a planner, looking at photos of my parents at 26, thinking about wearing a hat, taking the enneagram quiz)
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*snorts line in a pitch meeting* it's a movie about a bunch of girls who all share the same pair of pants. one of them is curvy but that is not a problem for the pants
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panic! at the used bookstore with no discernible organizing system
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it's not depression if you're looking out the window. that's brooding. it's how poems happen.
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when a recipe calls for specific measurements and i “just eyeball it”
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christmas is about spending time with the people who gave you an eating disorder i mean loved ones
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guys we as a species need to focus all our efforts on making a cigarette that’s good for you. we should be working on this around the clock
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i'm getting bottom surgery (they're making me a centaur)
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there should be astronauts that aren't scientists but are just up there for morale
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when i say i want to be friends what i mean is this
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bisexual men: pull your weight. get a nose ring and figure out cat eyeliner. the girls are carrying this right now
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I’m really enjoying the anti-choice replies from people who don’t know my teen pregnancy was from being raped. It’s like I’ve set a little trap they’ve all walked into.
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my neighbor is on a loud, homophobic rant and keeps saying “lgbt faggots.” it’s taking all the self-restraint i can muster not to tell him “you can just say faggots. the lgbt is implied”
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And ultimately, I never went to my abortion appointment. I had a miscarriage at school. ✨Just girly things✨
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MEN WANT ME
WOMEN TOLERATE ME
I REALLY DOUBT FISH THINK OF ME AT ALL
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i can tell the testosterone is working because i'm starting to get really interested in cybersecurity
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The kind of things she does need to hear about? Golf scores, who’s in charge of her college sorority nowadays, if I’m still doing “that whole improv thing.”
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a boyfriend is when a person has seen all the movies
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god, making me: he’ll be a gay guy with no dick or balls
angel: ok so he’ll be a bottom?
god: no…………. it’s funnier this way
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where are we on this guys
guys we as a species need to focus all our efforts on making a cigarette that’s good for you. we should be working on this around the clock
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i don't want to get engaged but i do want someone to get on the floor and present me with jewelry they think i'll like
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babies have all the fun. i want to wear a one piece and drink a smoothie too. i’d love to see a boob even
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(about to ruin boys night) has anyone else noticed this 80s-themed bar is doing nothing to acknowledge the AIDs crisis
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george bush saw hitler, a painter who became a war criminal, and was like “i bet i can do that backwards”
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i was born in the wrong generation. just saw a pic of my ex on a hike. this would never have happened in mesopotamia
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the tarot card i pulled this morning failed to mention i'd puke in the parking lot of my favorite target
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i need to see hot lava before i die. i’m talking in-person magma, actively flowing. i must lay eyes on that
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Told my grandma I ran the LA marathon and she said “Well, I suppose somebody has to.”
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I’ve wanted tattoos since I was a kid. When I found out someone could draw bugs on me that would never wash off I was like “sick I’ll take 20”
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she just let me hit cause when i read aloud i do all the voices
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on the way out of the DMV they should give you a lollipop for being brave
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body feeling weird. going to have a little nicotine and a lot of caffeine and an advil and a lot of sushi. u know just to take control of the situation
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I will never buy a printer. There has to be a better way.
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interviewer: where do you see yourself in five years?
me:
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christianity is just a book club. no one actually read the book, but there’s wine
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How does one get into the lighthouse keeping industry? Do you have to kill an existing lighthouse keeper? Do you need a bachelors degree in longing?
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my favorite thing about alcoholics anonymous is that they give you treasure
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passing sucks. i’m just someone’s white boyfriend now. i’m gonna be sick
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Everyone saying to put soap and water in and then blend it - IT’S NOT ENOUGH AND YOU KNOW THAT
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i went to an ice cream shop and the shop person said “so I guess a little frog on a lily pad can have ice cream.”
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Another day, another conversation with a man who considers me a close friend despite never having asked me a question
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@hankgreen
My mom kept running her lab through her cancer treatment without telling anyone. Seemed like an impossibly lonely way to live disguised as professionalism, but ya know. Girlboss mode.
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anyone discovered a non awkward way to say “we’ve actually met before but i was a blonde woman living under a different name” ???
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i’m warning you pal! do not hurt my feelings or i swear to god i will walk around my neighborhood and process!
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@lamborghinibank
I need gender affirming care (hitting my head so hard I forget to use my 🌷little planner🌷)
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being unmarried is all about throwing away a little bit of spinach every week
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can't wait to meet you! i'll be the one swinging a lantern to and fro asking who goes there
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(trying to open up about the unbearable loneliness and dread i feel) bummer city. total bummer township over here. going huge bummer mo—
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when i told my dad i was addicted to vicodin he said "you mean like house from the tv show house"
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just heard about this thing called injecting testosterone into your thigh. anyone on here tried it
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We are the daughters of the girlbosses they couldn’t cancel
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getting top surgery in a month and a half. all nudes i sent prior to that date will henceforth be considered vintage
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now that i'm off them, i'm beginning to think that those antidepressants were the reason i was antidepressed
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We need a new word for “horny” that doesn’t immediately make you not want to have sex.
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my five year plan? uhhhh see what goes on? check out what unfolds? watch what's wrought?
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everything i do i do for her (the skeleton chillin inside my body)
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what do my tattoos mean? they mean i’m very cool and bad with money
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huge win for me, a guy who looks exactly fucking like him
Ariana Grande is dating 'Wicked' costar Ethan Slater, according to TMZ.
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i thought boarding school sounded so cool when i was a teen. wish someone had just explained what being gay is
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there aren’t enough senators with little fine line tattoos
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hey sorry i was being kind of weird earlier. i had a really horrific childhood and whatnot
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can someone burn me a CD of the last of us but just the gay parts? no zombie stuff, unless the zombies are gay then it's kind of a grey area for me personally
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are we sure i’m nonbinary and not just a guy with pizazz
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i bring a sort of transgender vibe to the Denver airport's American Express lounge that the rich people do not appreciate
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getting gender affirming care (hitting my head so hard i forget what ballet flats are)
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nice friendship it would be a shame if we try dating happened to it
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do they make lace boxers? i want to feel like a slutty doily
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can’t explain it but this is how it feels to be 5 months on T
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happy belated btw
being trans is weird why am i an adult man with cheerleader handwriting
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