clintoris
@clintoris
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bitches be like “i’m gonna move to a cabin in the woods and live off the land” babe your succulent is dying
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republicans: no stimulus check.
democrats: no stimulus check ✊❤️🏳️🌈
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Blocking him isn’t enough I need to watch his hairline recede
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When a gay person says “wait no because like” they’re about to say the most incoherent sentence you’ve ever heard
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going for a suicide prevention walk. it’s where I go on a walk so I don’t kill myself
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girls don’t want boys girls want homes with hardwood floors and big windows
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The concept of the royal family is just so fucked up like can you imagine everyone in america paying a Kardashian tax akakfosplflgl
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I don’t think a lot of people remember the psychological grip Nutella had on the American psyche in the early 2010s… It became its own governing body at one point
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Bitches be like yeah I’m spiritual then describe psychosis
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I wanna be drunk for free without drinking and no hangover so actually I just want to feel joy
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normalize cutting my life into pieces due to the fact that this is my last resort
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The CDC recommends bringing me soup and giving me a little kiss to make sure I get better
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being a gay man is so funny I can walk into a room full of women and say “hello angels” and they start squealing like they just met harry styles
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getting high in the middle of the day because i didn’t win the D.A.R.E. essay contest in fifth grade
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Intimacy w someone u actually like is so triggering like why am I processing childhood trauma naked in his bed
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In my Cassie era (getting all dressed up for a man that doesn’t care if I live or die)
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Not my biggest controversy but ppl were rly mad at me for this lol
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The scariest part abt “feeling your feelings” is u have to actually feel them. Which is gay
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I’m proud of anyone who blocks me. Set those boundaries babe. Take control of the narrative
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Me after giving a fuck
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Me waiting for my turn to order a Diet Coke from the flight attendant
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[wiping cum off my eyelids] so where were you born and what time
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And fuck Joey King
Gypsy Rose Blanchard reveals she would want Millie Bobby Brown to play her in a project about her life.
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Oh you’re gonna grab a shower? You’re gonna grab it? Gonna grab the shower? Awesome have fun grabbing the shower you fucking lunatic
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i hate it here!!!!! i want to TALK SHIT with WOMEN and GAYS in crowded BARS!!!!!
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Should I commit suicide or just kinda hang out in my bedroom for a little while
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“?” is the most conniving, belittling text you can get from a gay person
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im begging yall to start dating ppl u actually like
pro tip: if a man ever wants you to watch one of his boring man movies with him you don’t even have to pay attention just turn to him and go “holy shit” every time the music gets really loud
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The first step to cleaning your apartment is visualizing a clean apartment for 30 mins. The second step is getting high and realizing the apartment is coercing me into performing emotional labor, and is therefore cancelled
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u guys need to stop taking everything so seriously omg when i say stuff like “killing my self —— at Claire’s.” I am being an artist
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Joe biden is doing a revolutionary (possibly queer?) act by not doing his job. It’s a protest against capitalism and hustle culture. We’re witnessing a social commentary
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Alyson Stoner will be stepping in
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In honor of Azealia Banks’ 32nd birthday, tell us your favorite moment from the rapper. 💭
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Whenever I meet a woman who is legitimately homophobic I’m like wait what
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“It’s okay to be a hater” is good advice for chronic people pleasers who struggle w a sense of self but unfortunately mean jerks use it as an excuse to be cruel to anyone who shows a hint of vulnerability and genuine intention
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Him: you better not be Taylor swift eating a piece of chicken with ketchup and seemingly ranch when I get there
Me:
🚨| Taylor Swift was eating a piece of chicken with ketchup and seemingly ranch!
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Why would she say this
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It’s such a turn off when someone is highly accomplished in their field. They’ll be like “I performed heart surgery on a child this morning. What are you up to?” And i have to be like “I’m in buttered toast era”
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Just remembered my cat doesn’t know shit about shit. Not even 2+2. Never conceptualized bigotry in her mind even once. God she slays
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Every workplace should have one day a month that lets employees do the Midsommar scream-cry chant together
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Just found out I’m not in trouble and nobody’s trying to punish me
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Texting my gemini friends “I heard what you said about me” and turning off my phone
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Falling to my knees clutching my chest letting out a blood curdling scream cuz I remembered grilled cheese and tomato soup
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Witnessing the genocide of Palestinians in real time over the last few weeks should have fully swayed you in favor of Palestinian liberation. If it hasn’t, then idk what else to tell you. You are not a good person. You are not intelligent. You are a danger to everyone around you
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Nonbinary couple existed tonight and I was like “them having a they off” and nobody knew what I meant
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Asked straight friends to go to br*nch and they’re taking me to a casino that sells scrambled eggs
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“I don’t have a dream job, I don’t dream of labor” nice did you just come up with that yourself
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the baudelaire children:
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The lunch lady at euphoria high after serving students a plate of crushed up adderall
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Living costs money. Dying costs money. All we have left is cum
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Lifting weights to fix depression but listening to Lorde to make sure it doesn’t go away completely
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