@FrankleyMan ..protection actually means that people wearing them take more risk and drivers do also.

Hence where 'rubber Gregory' comes from - a cheque that bounces

🔥Looshkin: Oof! Right In The Puddings is the brand new Looshkin book out this April, but I’ve just received my advance copies, so let’s give some away a month ahead of release! Just share this tweet, and I’ll send a signed copy to a few people chosen at random 🥳🥳🥳

and you could get fined

@SkySportsNews Can anyone else name another singer that lives of just one of their songs like old Chesney does?

Let’s decide this once and for all: which is the better biscuit? Retweet for the mighty custard cream, like for the splendid bourbon.

After all my CDs got mysteriously taken to the tip, this is the only one I felt the need to buy back @OCSmusic

@kay_fralick I love that man and I love OCS

I just entered @AutoTrader_UK’s monthly️ #ElectricCarGiveaway & you can too! This month’s prize is a Tesla Model Y, worth £55k! It’s free to enter & you have until 30th April. All information (including Ts&Cs) can be found here:

the shift key is the most useless key on the keyboard. it doesn’t do anything. don’t 2 me

I'm a bus driver. If I'm having a bad day at work, I'll look in the mirror while driving, and mutter to myself "you're all cunts aren't you?" and then tap the brakes twice so they all nod.

@JohnSimpsonNews Looking on the bright side; my daughter now gets to enjoy the existential dread of vaporisation that featured so heavily in my teens. It's all the little life experiences that made me the well rounded and balanced individual with a pitchfork you see in the profile pic.

Been a little while, giving away this brand new Samsung Galaxy Watch4 to one follower that Retweet’s this in the next 48 hours! Will ship anywhere in the world.

Alright, I'll be giving away this $10,000 Gucci XBox to a follower who retweets this in the next 24 hours. I'll ship it anywhere on earth. Good luck. Here's what's inside: https://t.co/Mung64czZs

I do love a Venn diagram.

Please could I ask all my followers to tweet this photo of Richard Ratcliffe and tell @trussliz directly that she has it in her power to get Nazanin Zaghari-Ratcliffe home before Christmas. #FreeNazanin 🙏🙏🙏

The state of your lateral flow test box when it arrives vs the state of it when you've tried to put everything back in again

I have now managed to login, servers must be overloaded. It's not ideal but if you keep trying you should be able to log in.

When Boris uses Franglais to tell the French to 'Donnez-moi un break' when he actually speaks fluent French. Even more insulting. #AUKUS

Operation Mindfuck: A conspiracy theory that can protect you from conspiracy theories. The Operation is being conducted by persons unknown, and is a plot to make you believe lies. Whenever you receive information, ask yourself, is this part of Operation Mindfuck?