As today marks the exact midpoint between New Year’s Day 2025 and Christmas Day, what better moment to officially unveil my new book: A Very British Christmas - your essential guide to navigating the festive season in true British style. Available to pre-order here

Suitable conversation topics with a neighbour:. 1. The weather - “bit hot,” “bit wet,” “meant to be nice at the weekend,” “meant to snow soon” etc. Just anything very obvious. 2. Bins - missing collections, questions about changes in the calendar, asking if they’ll put your bin.

Dream job.

It’s funny when a colleague asks you to do something but says, “no rush, though, finish your lunch first”. Well how kind of you! I was going to toss my sandwich in the bin and spit out my crisps until you said that.

“I wouldn't say I'm massively looking forward to it”. Translation: Since being invited I've thought of nothing except possible excuses not to go.

It’s free UK delivery, all weekend in the VBP shop. On all products.

Top five Very British barbecue stats, according to a marvellous new survey by Dole Packaged Foods Europe (@DoleSunshine) . 1. 30% overall said yes to pineapple as a BBQ topping, and 51% would try a Hawaiian hot dog. 2. 16% have cooked a Full English breakfast on a barbecue while.

Who knows what the little holes in bourbon biscuits are for? Wrong answers only please.

Oh dear. Please don’t ask the public. We’ll end up with a Mr Blobby £20 note and “NoteyMcNoteFace” written on the tenners 😑.

Some very British understatement, which I have highlighted for you, on the back cover of this book of P.G. Wodehouse letters.

There are two types of people: . 1. People who see this fuel warning sign and think “I can easily get another 30 miles out of this” .2. People who never even experience this warning sign because they’re always topped up. They marry each other.

You know it’s been hot in Britain when you’ve been forced to keep your biscuits in the fridge.

There’s no greater honour than a neighbour asking you to do their bins while they’re on holiday. I will not let you down 🫡.

I just went into the local air-conditioned shop and said “ooh, it’s nice and cool in here.” . I bet I’m the first person to say that today.

It’s a bad day to go on the Central Line.

Every Brit has said this at least once today: . “Meant to get up to 30°C later!”.

Remember when you were a kid and you'd stay over at a friend's house and they'd have food from different supermarkets, different table etiquette, different drinks, different TV routine, different bedtime, different shower/bath routines. House would smell completely different,.

Happy NCT Day to those who celebrate

The most naive and disastrous music festival statement of all time:. “Let’s take it easy on the first night”.