Clare Considine
@macrotargeting
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Following
2,132
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1,958
Statuses
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Merchan
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hey babe is everything ok you haven’t touched your croisshark
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so called "free thinkers" when its 7:30 pm during the summer
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"hello, dr. oz campaign? i'd like THREE yard signs."
"wow ☺️ authentic grassroots support at last!"
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every Halloween I think about Obama absolutely losing it when he met Baby Pope
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Why does Fetterman, the largest of the PA elected officials, not simply eat the GOP senate delegation?
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noticed a typo in a tweet but it’s already gotten a handful of likes
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oh yall are sooo funny dunking on an 81 year old’s poor memory like you don’t use a password manager, lose your phone anywhere from six to thirty times per day, and dig the pizza box out of the garbage to check bake time
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it looks like the menorah is about to have a press conference to discuss the latest allegations of an affair
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“Yes, your Holiness… the Anglicans have been defeated at their national pastime… they’re demoralized, Irish reunification is ahead of schedule… no, the public still believes me to be senile.”
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the winner of fat bear week should become speaker
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say what you will about sports gambling, but it functionally shrinks the gender wage gap
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Why does Fetterman, the largest of the candidates, not simply eat the other two?
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screenshotting a dril tweet like I’m Dolly Madison fleeing a burning White House with George Washington’s portrait
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Chuck Schumer is the blueprint for hot girl summer
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sometimes you own the libs, sometimes the libs own you
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ever get one of those scam texts pretending to be your boss?
it’s fun and perfectly legal to respond with increasingly ominous allusions to an international murder and smuggling operation
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I can’t believe liberals got dogs, football, and bud light
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wow I can’t believe Arizona chose a literal astronaut over a guy who looks like he’s thinking about eating your skin
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How did Homer Simpson come to own a 4 bedroom home in a nice area and support a family of 5 on a single income?
He has a union job in clean energy.
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parents, please be sure to check your kid's halloween candy. last year I found the unconstitutional NC 2012/2014 GOP gerrymander in my child's snickers bar.
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coming soon:
President Biden taps co-owner of Call Your Mother bagel chain to be new White House chief of staff
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Hi sharks,
I’m asking for $8 to buy myself a little treat
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not a wordle, just americas most iconic tv family
🟦
🟦
🟨 🟨
⬜️ 🟩 🟨 🟨
🟦 🟩 🟥 🟥 🟨
🟦 🟩 🟦 🟥 🟦
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Dr Oz indicted on over 300 counts of animal crudité
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me in DC traffic during the day vs me in a lil uber at night looking at all the monuments
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she’s a D+10 but it’s a republican midterm environment
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me if I’d just spent $25,000 on Only Fans, Botox, and an Hermès bag
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most people don't know this, but Josh Hawley is actually an immortal being that returns to Congress every 150 years or so
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every random millionaire upon deciding to run for public office
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please clap for the five year anniversary of “please clap”
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i guarantee that theres more texas high school athletes on steroids than there are transgender teens receiving gender affirming medical care
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imagine dying in a car wreck on your way to caucus for Vivek, I wouldn’t attend my own funeral
Ghostly in Des Moines this morning. Currently -21 windchill & dropping through the day.
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Chinese Spy Balloon being shot down to “Such Great Heights” by the Postal Service because why not
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gotta say, hasn’t felt this good to be a democrat since the GA runoffs
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“b-b-but he’s the president”
ok, where is your left AirPod?
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how I think the cast of veggie tales voted, their vaccination status, and their views on crypto: a thread 🧵
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this is the speaker of the Michigan House of Representatives. he is 6’5” and has not tweeted in more than a month.
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.
@SpeakerJohnson
on calls for his resignation and possible motion to vacate the chair: "I am not resigning and it is in my view an absurd notion that someone would bring a vacate motion when we are simply here trying to do our jobs."
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Marylanders have 2 hobbies only.. worshipping their state flag, and this:
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Fellas is it gay for your wife to be Vice President
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only a PhD in clinical psychology? sorry, kiddo. time to rebrand.
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a lot of people were confused by this chart on FiveThirtyEight, so i made a couple tweaks which i think really clear things up
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a canvasser knocks on your door but you work in politics
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“come over”
“I can’t, there’s a vote”
“my parents aren’t home”
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staffer: "Mr. President, it's a big day today"
Joe Biden, munching a huge block of Kerrygold butter: "yeah it is boyo"
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Men will obsessively watch the NYT needle instead of going to therapy
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>leads with poll of “American voters”
>actual sample was IN, IA, UT, WV, WY
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Biden, whispering aloud to himself: “this is a BIF fucking deal”
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BREAKING: Biden signs executive order banning plaid shirts, Sperry topsiders, and the color salmon
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CNN+ shutting down after 1 month and 1 day, or ~2.9 Scaramuccis
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I am a:
⚪️Woman
⚪️Man
🔘DC resident
Seeking:
⚪️Men
⚪️Women
🔘a govt vaccine requirement to enter all indoor spaces such as bars, restaurants, and gyms
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men will just casually have perfect skin, zero acne, and then you see their shower and it’s just empty bottles of old spice body wash, blue dawn, and boxes of classified documents
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what happened to Gen X that made them all so… *gestures broadly*
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55 FILETS
55 LOBSTER TAILS
55 CHICKEN SANDWICHES
55 STEAK SALADS
55 BLOOMIN ONIONS
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BREAKING: 𝐭𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐭 𝐈 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐬𝐚𝐰 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐚 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥 𝐣𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭, 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐩𝐡𝐫𝐚𝐬𝐞𝐝, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐮𝐧𝐬𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐜𝐞𝐝
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Trying to convince my parents in New Orleans to evacuate via Simpsons memes
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DONT believe the polls in PA-Sen. this was Lake Erie over the weekend!
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if you don’t have a Girl Scout Cookie plug, consider ordering from Troop 6000, a troop for girls in New York City’s shelter system
link:
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I feel like we’re all missing recess cause some of the class wouldn’t settle down
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me sowing: haha fuck yeah!!! Yes!!
me reaping: well this fucking sucks. what the fuck.
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Homer Simpson, a high school graduate, has union job in clean energy that provides full healthcare, dental, vision, 401k, paid leave, and tuition reimbursement.
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SUMMONING CIRCLE:
🕯 🕯
🕯 🕯
ATTORNEY
🕯 GENERAL 🕯
DOUG
🕯 JONES 🕯
🕯 🕯
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NEW — Sen. Kelly Loeffler Dumped Millions in Stock After Coronavirus Briefing
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Florida could be voting on whether everyone gets ice cream or literally kicked in the face and it would still be within 2 points
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