The smartass in me really doesn't like the dumbass in you.

You know you’re old when you get excited about having a new wagon to carry your 50lb bags of soil and mulch around.

Today’s back yard casualty,.my thumb😞

I’m busy but find myself wondering what you’re doing right this minute.

GenX FYI. We’re either ready to wipe the floor with your face or completely checked out. Stop the whine because you don’t want either.

It was like Christmas in July for the guys on shift tonight. I cleaned out my locker. It’s been about 5 years. Final Countdown #Retirement.

RT @NoContextBrits:

My heart just stalled out. I touched it & the number 1 appeared but not my heart. Tapped it 2 more times. Inhaled .Then.There it was, my Twitter heart. 💜💜💜💜💜.

RT @DanaLeaB1: First time buying fireworks and I wasn’t sure I’d picked the right ones until the salesman gave me a wink and high foured me….

RT @messedupfoods: ︎ ︎

RT @DanaLeaB1: Fourth of July is when we get to play our favorite American guessing game. Fireworks or gunshots.

RT @blackdreamvibes:

RT @dexteristwisted: I keep a fork in my fanny pack. in case cake happens unexpectedly.

RT @SirJeremyLondon: This might be my favorite yet… 😎

RT @StuForReal: Explain it to me like i'm old and don't give a shit.

You remind me of a bad habit that I used to know.

Have a couple extras for the working squirrel-girl !!!. To all that bleed Red, White & Blue…

RT @HTownHDawg: Autocorrect changed “done” to “do me” and now things are just awkward with my boss.

RT @gmeposhpug: Aww, just noticed my husband and I have matching dishwasher door owies on our lower legs from bumping into it while walking….

RT @oksheesh: I got new bath mats. I've never felt so alive.

RT @420iloveweed: You don't have to be everyone's cup of tea. Be gasoline and set that shit on fire.