Akshita
@keylimepie2000
Followers
10K
Following
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Media
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Statuses
10K
Interests: Behavioral science, Financial markets, Philosophy, AI and Deeptech
Joined May 2015
Someone introduced me to the Dollar Auction problem and I found a new shiny thing to write about. Fair Warning: My Critical writing faculty decided he needed a break after reading my writing for an entire year.
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Indian Americans: . “I’m bullish on India as long as I have a US citizenship.”.
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Everytime traditional media runs out of news they call Narayana Murthy for an interview and ask him about work life balance.
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Apparently there was a 144 year old Baba at Kumbh Mela. He’s probably lived in India all his life with this AQI. Skill issue, Bryan Johnson!.
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Me explaining to my North Indian fren that . our South Indian frens wedding is at 9 AM not 9 PM! . and that we have to be there for breakfast at 8:00 AM. Which means we have to leave atleast by 7:30 AM, And for that we have to wake up atleast by 6:00 AM to get ready!.
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Before Elon scrapped the “likes” I used to have a list of people (who I thought were smart) and go through their likes everyday to get access to good content. Now I have to rely on the algorithm ugh.
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The founder of the previous company I worked for used to yell at everybody in Hindi. So I told them I didn’t know Hindi cause I’m from Chennai (Tamilian). So they had to switch to English to yell at me each time and I got yelled at way lesser than other folks because of this.
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Every time some woman marries a guy with money,. All the men are like “She married him for the money” . I love how they are all so confident that the guy DOES NOT HAVE A PERSONALITY.
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Any guy with half a brain would know that no court in India grants 70% as alimony as a norm. Watching men who themselves have taken dowry/made their wive's family pay for wedding expenses/forced their wives to quit their job, yap about equality and justice has been intriguing.
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I just want to get to a point in my career where I no longer need to have a linkden presence.
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Delivery Anna to me after 2 mins of listening to my terrible Hindi and Kannada: . “What language can you speak, madam?” . 😭😭😭.
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When you have to suspend the fighting cause you have to discuss some hot tea that’s come up.
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Swiggy Anna came to deliver food with his girlfriend. Very cute.
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Vada Pav is Sandwich.
Dosa is technically dal rice.
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5th base is when you mutually endorse each other on Linkedln for skills.
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Pickleball in Bangalore is a classic example of mimetic theory in action. The only winners here are pickleball courts that are apparently charging 1200 per hour.
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We don’t like our crushes, we like the idea of them that we have created in our head with our impeccable storytelling skills.
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Guy is on his phone and his gf is feeding him dosa. What a brat.
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I would like to know why Bangalore flat owners need three lakh rupees as deposit. (for 3 BHK) . Do they think we are going to steal their house and take it elsewhere?.
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My grand dad has come into my room and declared that office is over and that I have to give him attention now. Very cute, cause I used to do the exact same thing before he retired.
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Every time I see someone from my insta list get engaged/married, I mute their stories, cause it’s not age appropriate content for me.
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I personally know atleast 4 people who met their partners at Cubbon Reads. Which is vvv funny cause Cubbon Reads has a “No talking” policy. So wonder how that happened.
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My flatmate and I are at D mart and we have said Blinkit/Instasmart/Zepto 200 times so far.
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If you are a guy, you should have platonic female frens to give you dating advice. If you are a girl however, DO NOT take dating advice from your platonic male friends.
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So today I made the uber auto Anna wait for 3 mins cause I ran late. When I finally reached the auto, he started scolding me in Hindi. Then I saw his name was a Tamil name and started speaking in Tamil. He stopped scolding me immediately.
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Yes totally agreed 💯 let’s give them an award and call it bare minimum.
Boys are really so good at doing so many things. They know gaming, play sports, updated with the latest news, do their job, some even know cooking! And still less appreciated.
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Just opened Kite, saw the state of my portfolio and told myself I am a "long term investor" 🤡🤡.
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Currently trying to prove my Tamil identity to this Tamil auto Anna in HSR. Dude is not believing me. He thinks I’m a northie brought up in Chennai.
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I just paid 90 rupees for a filter coffee in Jayanagar. AMA.
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I’m at the ISB event and everyone has said the word “sustainability” at least once.
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5 problems, one solution: . Garlic naan with Paneer Tikka Masala.
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Hey! I have 4 tickets for yesterday’s CAS concert in Bangalore. DM for price.
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Got into NUS! .Not going. Told my mom that poker, chess, philosophy and investing in public markets is all the education I need.
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Not to be mean but these northies have wrecked the review system of South Indian restaurants. Everything is rated 4.5+ on Swiggy and Zomato. They will just eat anything that’s called idli and dosa and give it a 5 I think. I miss CTR, Janata, Veena 😭😭.
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Good luck getting people from Chennai to pay 350 rupees for coffee! . Even people with Ferrari drink coffee only in Sangeetha.
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I know we are a divided country and don’t agree on a lot. But can we all agree on just ONE THING? . Can we not to talk business financials in million (rupees)? . Can we stick to lakhs and crores if we are talking in rupees?.
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If a guy tells you he reads stoic philosophy… RUN! . Marcus Aurelius would turn in his grave if he heard Indian men talk about stoic philosophy.
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Congratulations Bangalore restaurants, . You all have convinced me that 250 rupees for a cheesecake is cheap.
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Me sipping coffee with this soggy paper straw while bill gates roams around in his pvt jet.
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Blume Ventures will collate all of your tweets cribbing about not getting Coldplay tickets and call it “India 1 problems”.
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I get over men in 30 seconds, but I am still not over blu smart shutting down their cab hailing services. Who will wake me up at 3 AM to catch a flight if not for Blu smart Anna?.
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Random tea from the other side of Bangalore: . Malleshwaram Saree shop owner’s son is a VC in SF.
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Today I discovered Bangalore metro. I cannot believe this. I’m going to reach Malleshwaram in 15 mins from JP nagar. Too cool.
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So my Landlord is a product manager and he has a blog. Last night I was supposed to send him the deposit and instead of doing that, I went and read all his blogs. Now I will subtly quote him in our conversations.
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I make friends with northies purely with the intention of dancing and eating at their eventful weddings.
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If business folks can buy luxury cars and claim exemptions on that, salaried employees should be able to deduct their third wave coffees from taxable income.
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My flatmate at home:. “I’m not your mom, Akshita” . Also my flatmate at a restaurant: . “We can make this at home”.
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My flatmate told me that she realised that she does not want kids, after living with me for 1.5 months.
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If I can learn the lyrics of every major punjabi song by heart when I was in Delhi, then northies can learn Kannada when they are in Bangalore. It all comes down to whether you have the mindset to adapt and learn.
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Big salute to all the kids in Bangalore who wake up at 7 AM in this weather and goto school.
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This is why all Indian women should have a good GRE score. So that you can run away to another country at the first mention of this in your house.
my mom said i have 3 years to lock in on a guy otherwise they're going to start looking for me??? IM 21 BTW.
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Some trolls on my comments have told me that I should find a guy before I’m too old. Here’s my response:. My future library in my independent house in sadhashivnagar has only one leather chair. 2 leather chairs would ruin the aesthetics. Thanks for the concern but no thanks.
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I don’t think I can ever date a North Indian. They have these random references amongst themselves. Like who tf is Komokilla from Kasuti zindagi something? . And why have I committed a crime by not knowing who that is?.
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My sister is getting engaged next week and my mother has already started trying to bribe me into not saying anything controversial to the extended fam relatives (immediate fam is already used to my revolutionary vision).
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Dude has a house in Bangalore (Some Indiranagar, HSR types) for sure. Single handedly trying to increase rental yield in the city.
Everyone I meet these days wants to move to Bangalore. Best City in India. And the only place you should be if you’re thinking of starting a Company.
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This came with my zepto order. Extremely grateful for VC money I guess
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I’m eavesdropping on a date (more like they are loud) and both the people are just SO NORMAL. They are talking about weather and normal stuff. When I go on dates the conversation is NEVER normal. I am either educating the guy about feminism, or it’s a debate or it’s some.
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Intern at work just called me a cutie today. Cannot even blame her cause: . 1. Facts.
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Guys sorry to break it to you all but this tweet is a joke. Please sign up for my course on "Sarcasm" to spot it.
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I said sorry uncle on the society group cause I messed up a ticket on mygate. All the uncles are saying no problem one by one on the group 😂😭.
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You all have no idea how hard it is to find a flat in Bangalore + non smoking room mate (I’m allergic to the smell) . I have single handedly increased the life spans of my Ashoka frens because of my allergy.
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In my career so far I have given like 4 interviews, and in 3 of them I got asked what’s my biggest weakness. I gave them a straight answer tbh. I told them my weaknesses without beating around the bush. Exact opposite of what the career talk person at Ashoka told me to do.
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I think The Ken should write a story about themselves titled “Is clickbait the way forward for subscription news sites?”.
The Big Story | “Where is Kunal Shah?” ask most Cred employees . The founder-CEO's insistence on having a workforce that is largely self-reliant is now impeding the fintech's growth. @Rounak_T explains how:
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Unpopular opinion: What is the point of drinking tea? It’s the most useless drink ever.
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My thoughts while walking at Cubbon park: . “Where do we go for breakfast after this?”
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I have been trying to fix my guy friends dating profile for a while. Nothing worked. Suddenly he’s gone on holiday to Kerala and taken these fab pictures. So much potential on a dating app when he comes back.
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I exchanged Instagrams with this guy today and the first thing I did was to go to his following and see if he follows finance with sharan. He does not. 🍷.
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Why does Finland need a medal? . They are already the happiest country. Diminishing returns if you ask me.
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I have been planning a trip to Switzerland and France for a while now. But I’m vvvvvv scared that my family will make me eat breakfast at Saravana Bhavan in France. So planning to go only with my sister.
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The waiter at Meghana’s just told the cashier that I look British in Kannada. I want to bang my head in a nearby wall. Why do I know enough Kannada to understand that?.
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He’s basically testing your ability to cut through the noise. The 20 lakhs is a distraction (I’m 75% sure) . If it’s not a distraction and they are serious about it, you could straight up ask him for a personal loan if you get the job.
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I have not slept a wink in the last 48 hours, and I have no idea why I have so much energy now or where I get it from. For those of you who are wondering if my mom got me tested. She did.
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My Kannada crush woke up at 6:30 AM today, sent me a couple of CSK hate reels and then only started his day.
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Since the day I bought air cooler, it has started raining in Bangalore.
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Every fourth word he says is “McKinsey”.
I have been telling every freshly minted tech grad in Blr: Life's best returns come from unconventional choices. Working at Startups today is a herd mentality. You won't get far within a herd. Fully agree with shantanu here.
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Travelled 13 km to eat Vendaka curry made by my Kannada aunt. Totally worth it.
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The thought of turning 24 in 1 hour 10 mins makes me want to drink wine.
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My flatmate just said she will call the technician to ask for advice on which WIFI plan to buy. And she just went on to call her boyfriend. Is this the biggest use case for a boyfriend?.
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This one influencers feed is hilarious . Makes a reel on “Why I left BCG?”. Mentions reasons such as rat race blah blah. *3 days later*. Makes a reel on “How to get into BCG and top management consulting companies?”.
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I asked my Househelp akka if she wants coffee. She said no. 99.99% sure it’s because she thinks I make bad coffee. Which is completely fair.
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Let me predict what will happen: . We will all end up paying more taxes. and Akshat Srivastava will make a video saying I told you 1 year back to leave the country or earn in dollars.
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Sometimes when I look at wedding photos of couples, I feel like the women is getting married to the lehanga and the guy is just third wheeling.
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Growing up I hated school since I was dyslexic. Learning was never fun. I once even ran away from school once to avoid a test. I love how @matiks_play is actually making math fun. This is me reciting 26 tables for their 1 lakh for a 1 day internship challenge.
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40 rupees in Besant Nagar beach.
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My last 3 crushes have all been Kannadigas. I think there’s a pattern here. My mind, body and soul are geared towards not being overcharged by auto Anna’s and learning Kannada.
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Update: He got a girlfriend byw. 🧿. Also his status on WhatsApp is now this:
I have been trying to fix my guy friends dating profile for a while. Nothing worked. Suddenly he’s gone on holiday to Kerala and taken these fab pictures. So much potential on a dating app when he comes back.
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Situationships are based on Buddha's teachings?.
“The root of suffering is attachment.”. ― Buddha.
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My friends and I went on a trip recently. No fucking clue who paid for what. We split the room costs and car costs. But food and everything else we just organically took turns to pay.
my friends here in bschool went outside yesterday .and the CA in the group just sent this sheet with the split . kinda love it lmao 😂
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I have an interview with a health company and have a huge pimple on my face. Now they will know that I eat unhealthy oily food.
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I have interviewed 5 of my friends who are taking CAT this year. All of them are going are doing mba to find partners. 😭. 30 years later they will goto insideiim and say they went for networking lol.
@monali_dambre Higher education is meant for people looking to find partners.
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Everytime I listen to the interviews of this one startup founder ( vvv famous) I just know he has read 48 laws of Power.
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I asked one of my VC analyst friends to describe his job to one of my other frens who wants to be in VC. He said he kills dreams everyday and that’s a big part of his job.
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