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Ike Barinholtz Profile
Ike Barinholtz

@ikebarinholtz

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1,337
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423
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
2 years
This should happen to Ted Cruz every minute of every day everywhere he goes forever👍
@Phil_Lewis_
philip lewis
2 years
Someone heckled Ted Cruz while he was eating at a restaurant last night “19 children died! That’s on your hands! Ted Cruz, that’s on your hands!”
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
5 years
Yeah no shit that’s why we like her
@thehill
The Hill
5 years
Paul Ryan says Ocasio-Cortez didn't really listen "to a thing I said" when he offered her advice
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
6 years
WHAT THE FUCK IS A SPACE FORCE JUST GIVE PEOPLE HEALTH CARE
@AP
The Associated Press
6 years
BREAKING: Vice President Pence announces plans for new, separate US Space Force as 6th military service by 2020.
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
7 years
Anthony Scaramucci looks like an extra in the Wolf of Wall Street that they had to fire because he kept trying to talk to Leo
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
4 years
I hate Illinois nazis
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
6 years
“Amadeus” was nominated for 11 Academy Awards and won Best Picture
@benshapiro
Ben Shapiro
6 years
Name your favorite under appreciated movie. I’ll go first: “Amadeus.”
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
5 years
Who is the Game of Thrones character you see yourself as and who is the one you actually are? For me it's Bronn/Hot Pie
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
6 years
What Frank Stallone said is despicable and I call on the Lomita Community Blood Bank to boycott him and no longer buy his plasma
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
5 years
Sincere thanks to all of you for sticking with me through this. It's been a nightmare for me and my family but it seems like it's over🙏
@tsgnews
The Smoking Gun
5 years
UPDATE: Charges dropped against man arrested for "I Eat Ass" sticker on his truck Actual sticker seen below
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
5 years
This is the stupidest thing I've ever seen and I was in a MadTV sketch where I played Joe Millionaire having sex with Connie Chung on her desk during a newscast
@realDonaldTrump
Donald J. Trump
5 years
A design of our Steel Slat Barrier which is totally effective while at the same time beautiful!
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
5 years
I am on the American television program called @nbcbrooklyn99 TONIGHT and I believe it will be hilarious so let’s watch!
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
3 years
I knew he’d get booted one day so I grabbed a screenshot of one of my favorites
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
7 years
Hey Rex Tillerson - sorry, you're not allowed to be "press shy". You're the U.S. Secretary of State, not Terrence Malick
@thehill
The Hill
7 years
NEW: Tillerson: ‘I’m not a big media press access person’
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
6 years
"Cambridge Analytica" sounds like the last words someone says to Jason Bourne before they succumb to an assassin's bullet
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
7 years
I'm neither joking or exaggerating when I say no one likes you
@piersmorgan
Piers Morgan
7 years
I'm planning a 'Men's March' to protest at the creeping global emasculation of my gender by rabid feminists. Who's with me?
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
7 years
FINALLY a President with the courage to cut Meals on Wheels. Thank you @realDonaldTrump for telling moochers like this the free ride is OVER
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
5 years
There is something very gratifying about cleaning old candle wax out of a menorah. This is obviously the most Jewish thing I’ve ever tweeted
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
8 years
Stop saying Trump is "evolving" as a candidate. Just because he didn't make a swastika w/ his feces this week doesn't mean he's any better
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
3 years
Los Angeles is vibing rn
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
6 years
Here it is! @TheOathMovie REDBAND trailer! In theaters near you this October! THANKSGIVING WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
7 years
I cannot stop watching this
@Phil_Lewis_
philip lewis
7 years
The best interview of 2017. Hands down. 😭😭😭
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
3 years
I’ve got so many laughs in my life by just repeating Norm MacDonald jokes. One of the funniest to ever do it - RIP to a king
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
7 years
This week: Alienate Germany✔️ Alienate UK✔️ Tease war w N Korea✔️ Continue wiretap bullshit✔️ Cut Meals on Wheels✔️ Take away healthcare✔️
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
6 years
My wife put an entire onion in my ass and we both forgot about it 😟
@Cosmopolitan
Cosmopolitan
7 years
My husband loves leaving fruit in my vagina all day so he can eat it later
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
6 years
I no longer know if this is reality or if I have become Donnie Darko
@CBSNews
CBS News
6 years
“Our military is at a level where it has never been before….The funding of our military was so important and so many military people are with us here today. Just think of $700 billion because that is all going into our military this year,” @POTUS tells crowd at White House
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
8 years
. @SpeakerRyan it's crazy that you won't allow cameras in the chamber today but you were okay with them for this
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
7 years
What we learned: 1)Piss has germs 2)There will be bands at inaug 3)Russia hacked us but are good 4)He will almost certainly be impeached
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
6 years
Blown away by all the love for the @TheMindyProject finale! It's the best job I've ever had and it's because of @mindykaling and her dedication and especially our amazingly wonderful fans. Eternally grateful😘
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
7 years
Mike Pence is a soulless, putrid moron and I truly hope he's our next president
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
10 years
The boys* are back in town! •also a girl http://t.co/YImSWg5tJY
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
8 years
Trump starts every speech by promoting one of his gross hotels that look like they were designed by a bucket of Liberace's diarrhea
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
8 years
#fav7films Ernest Goes to Camp Ernest Scared Stupid Ernest Goes to Africa Slam Dunk Ernest Ernest Goes to Jail Ernest Saves Xmas Magnolia
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
7 years
So FLOTUS's argument is: "Because you accused me of being a prostitute I am now unable to monetize those who voted for my husband"
@JohnJHarwood
John Harwood
7 years
First Lady's lawsuit: ​”Plaintiff had unique, once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to launch commercial brand" via @nypost
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
7 years
It's a good day to remember when Trump was asked what his favorite thing at McDonalds is he said "Fish Delight" which is not a thing
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
7 years
After much consideration I will NOT be performing at the Inauguration with my improv group Capitol Hill-arious
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
7 years
I don't know whether to agree with a civil rights icon and the moral backbone of our country or the rich asshole who fake fired dee snider
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
8 years
Im crying so hard right now. This is for Santo and Ernie and my Grandpa and all my friends and brothers and sisters in CHICAGO ILLINOIS
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
6 years
@Cubs
Chicago Cubs
6 years
“Lemme hear ya, everybody!” #EverybodyIn
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
10 years
When someone says there's no global warming because it's cold out is like someone saying there's no world hunger because they just ate
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
9 years
Thanks @hulu for new #TheMindyProject episodes! Now that we're streaming I promise at some point this season you will see Morgan's wang!
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
7 years
PEOPLE Tomorrow the sun will rise America is built to last We need to protect and love each other more than ever We need to be strong
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
7 years
A very happy birthday to sweet @mindykaling who is my most gif-able friend
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
10 years
Yes the Patriots lost but Tom Brady gets to go home and have sex with Giselle while Peyton Manning has to hang out with Papa John
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
6 years
Holy moly I just met Michael Palin at @AM2DM
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
7 years
At this point the only way KellyAnne Conway should be on TV is if every time she tries to speak the interviewer blows an air horn
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
7 years
LOL you got briefed on North Korea at Mar A Lago in front of like a hundred randos
@realDonaldTrump
Donald J. Trump
7 years
The real story here is why are there so many illegal leaks coming out of Washington? Will these leaks be happening as I deal on N.Korea etc?
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
7 years
Fucking losers
@JoeHeim
Joe Heim
7 years
Now gathering around statue of Thomas Jefferson. Chanting 'white lives matter!'
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
7 years
Last table read EVER for The Mindy Project! Here's a pic of Mindy thanking me, calling me "the heart and soul of the show." Her words, folks
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
7 years
"If something happens blame him..." is the stupidest, most dangerous thing I've ever heard a US President say. Unacceptable
@realDonaldTrump
Donald J. Trump
7 years
Just cannot believe a judge would put our country in such peril. If something happens blame him and court system. People pouring in. Bad!
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
7 years
Yes it's funny he's pissed, but let's not succumb to leaks and yellow journalism. Remember the golden rule and try to shower people w love 💛
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
9 years
Trump and Jeb Bush arguing about who's gonna be better for women's rights is like two vegans arguing about where to get the best burger
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
7 years
Please stop saying KellyAnne made an "error" or "mistake". It's a LIE because she's a LIAR who hates us and thinks we're dumb assholes
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
3 years
One of my favorite shows and he was the reason. RIP Alex Trebek, a true king who found his glory👑
@Jeopardy
Jeopardy!
3 years
Jeopardy! is saddened to share that Alex Trebek passed away peacefully at home early this morning, surrounded by family and friends. Thank you, Alex.
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
7 years
Sean Spicer is stepping down so he can focus on mispronouncing words at home with his family
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
7 years
Good tweet, I feel better about you having access to 5000 nuclear warheads
@realDonaldTrump
Donald J. Trump
7 years
Just tried watching Saturday Night Live - unwatchable! Totally biased, not funny and the Baldwin impersonation just can't get any worse. Sad
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
7 years
Thank you to every one who fought for what's right today. This is OUR country no matter what that old spray tanned racist man says🇺🇸
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
8 years
This is a photo of our possible next First Lady eating a bowl of jewels
@GQMagazine
GQ Magazine
8 years
We talked to Melania Trump about her rise, her family secrets, and her true political views
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
7 years
You told Howard Stern that "your Vietnam" was trying to not get herpes from all the women you paid to have sex with you
@realDonaldTrump
Donald J. Trump
7 years
Sen.Richard Blumenthal, who never fought in Vietnam when he said for years he had (major lie),now misrepresents what Judge Gorsuch told him?
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
8 years
"Believe me, when fully hard it's this big. My boner is the best. You've never seen a little red dick like this."
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
8 years
I would vote for the person who killed Harambe before I vote for you
@DrJillStein
Dr. Jill Stein🌻
8 years
George H.W. Bush is voting for Hillary. Michelle Obama is friends w/ George W. Bush. Hillary went to Trump's wedding. #TheNewRepublicanParty
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
7 years
So @jimjefferies is now the owner of @piersmorgan and before Piers wants to do anything he must first check with Jim, as he owns him now
@ditzkoff
Dave Itzkoff
7 years
Please enjoy this clip of @jimjefferies going to town on Piers Morgan on Real Time.
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
2 years
Watch me on the @CelebJeopardy SEMIFINALS tomorrow and see @SimuLiu put me on blast 😳 8/7 on @ABCNetwork and @hulu
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
8 years
Yeah it's just locker room talk but it's the locker room after the Gropers played the Molesters in a game of Rapeball
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
8 years
Of all the reasons Trump is not qualified to be president the fact that he pronounces airplane "air-ro-plane" has gotta be up there
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
7 years
Buddy your approval ratings are somewhere in between a speeding ticket and a cock zit
@realDonaldTrump
Donald J. Trump
7 years
When a country is no longer able to say who can, and who cannot , come in & out, especially for reasons of safety &.security - big trouble!
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
7 years
Oh my god YOU FUCKING WON GET OVER IT WE STILL HATE YOU STOP TWEETING ABOUT IT AND GET READY TO LEAD THE COUNTRY YOU FUCKING DORK
@realDonaldTrump
Donald J. Trump
7 years
I thought and felt I would win big, easily over the fabled 270 (306). When they cancelled fireworks, they knew, and so did I.
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
8 years
David Duke and Martin Shkreli loved Trump's speech, Bob Durst said it was "on point", still waiting to hear what Joran Van Der Sloot thought
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
7 years
We have to give him a chance to be a good president [reads his last 5 tweets] okay he is a petty evil moron and we are going to die
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
7 years
People like @GovMcCrory are trying to kill democracy in North Carolina and people like this lady are fighting it
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
9 years
My friend @mindykaling sent her new book and didn't charge me for shipping and it is so funny and great go buy it now http://t.co/6JGEVOMmQN
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
7 years
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
7 years
A multi-millionaire cheering people losing their health care which will absolutely lead to deaths
@realDonaldTrump
Donald J. Trump
7 years
Congrats to the Senate for taking the first step to #RepealObamacare - now it's onto the House!
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
8 years
The list of "celebrities" endorsing Trump is a real who's eww
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
6 years
Me when the dentist has to cancel tomorrow’s appointment
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
7 years
Hey dopey that's Katie Holmes from the tv show Dawson's Creek
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
7 years
What a classless, cruel person @jasoninthehouse is. Is there anyone running against him I can donate money to? Literally anyone
@kylegriffin1
Kyle Griffin
7 years
Hillary Clinton shakes Jason Chaffetz's hand, the man who led the investigation into her email server, and then he posts this:
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
7 years
You are the worst "president" ever and everyone is protesting because they "hate" you and want you to be "impeached"
@realDonaldTrump
Donald J. Trump
7 years
If the ban were announced with a one week notice, the "bad" would rush into our country during that week. A lot of bad "dudes" out there!
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
7 years
How many people died of thirst in your jail while you posed for this impossibly lame photo
@SheriffClarke
David A. Clarke, Jr.
7 years
Michelle Obama said she was never proud of her country til they elected her husband POTUS. I've never been prouder since we got rid of him.
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
10 years
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
8 years
Reminder: no matter what happens Tuesday this is the greatest country in the world and people are good
@TODAYshow
TODAY
8 years
Boy says farewell to best pal, 91-year-old WWII vet from next door #SundayTODAY
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
7 years
What an awful day for this country. This is the most un-American thing I've ever seen. We deserve better
@VaughnHillyard
Vaughn Hillyard
7 years
Trump's refugee executive order explicitly calls for discrimination against Muslims:
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
7 years
Yes this is what her show is and it's why she's the best
@jarretthill
jarrett, chill 🫶🏽✨🍉
7 years
For those of you watching @Maddow for the first time tonight, she always takes the scenic, historical context route. Settle in.
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
3 years
Few people have had a bigger impact on comedy than @ConanOBrien and @AndyRichter have. Congratulations to you guys on an amazing run and thanks for having me on all these years🙌🏻
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
7 years
Punxsutawney Phil came out, saw his shadow, heard what Trump's been doing and went back into his hole and killed and ate his family
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
10 years
"Selfie" (2015) PG-13 Jayden Smith has to find the girl that photobombed his selfie on prom night before his rival Skrillex does
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
5 years
Rest in power King
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
7 years
I wouldn't let Betsy DeVos be in charge of a school of fish
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
9 years
I think it's cool that all parents have agreed to let their cell phones ring 4-5 times before they answer
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
10 years
Seriously, tell me why we can't eradicate fruit flies. They're little pieces of shit that have no ecological use (I swallowed a fruit fly)
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
8 years
. @SarahKSilverman just spoke of the importance of unity and tagged it with Baba Booey and thats why she's the best #dnc
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
7 years
Almost just bashed my head into the sink because I tripped over my squatty potty and I realized that there is no more shameful way to die
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
9 years
I was working out in my hotel's gym in Canada and curling was on the TV and a man changed the channel to a DIFFERENT curling match
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
7 years
I have never seen someone gloat about things he knows will hurt people more than @SpeakerRyan does. Truly a heartless person
@SpeakerRyan
Paul Ryan
7 years
Another one heads to President Trump’s desk. This legislation allows states to have drug testing to receive federal unemployment benefits.
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
9 years
National Sibling Day is a fake holiday invented by corporations in order to sell more siblings
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
9 years
Coming this Hanukkah!
@SistersMovie
#SistersMovie
9 years
This Christmas, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler are Sisters! Watch the #SistersMovie trailer.
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
7 years
Thank you @POTUS and @FLOTUS for everything. We are lucky to have had you in our lives!
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@ikebarinholtz
Ike Barinholtz
7 years
This is not a boomerang she did this for two hours
@IvankaTrump
Ivanka Trump
7 years
Excited for #Eclipse2017 ? Remember to wear your glasses 👓 #NASA #STEM
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