claudia
@idkcloudy
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they should make tiny food vacuums you can carry around whenever you eat a croissant , or a nature valley bar
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entering my mouse era (constantly craving a little block of cheese and a slice of bread)
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i’m going to memorize this entire monologue (gestures and all) and perform it at every social gathering for the foreseeable future
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made plans for tonight and now i actually have to go do them i’m literally sobbing n throwing . up
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my l*bia lips fighting over which one gets to stay in the victoria secret thong
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uh oh i ate too many dumb little snacks and now my stomach hurts!!!! time to make it everyone’s problem ❤️
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he has the ordinary in his bathroom cabinet,,, he’s ran through </3
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she’s right! i don’t want to work!!!
“I have the best advice for women in business,” Kim Kardashian says. “Get your f--king ass up and work. It seems like nobody wants to work these days.”
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i’ve never had celsius before but i imagine it feels like this image
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drank one (1) high noon today and tried to take a n*de in the bathroom at dinner ....,,.. Unhinged Girl summer is on the horizon
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y’all please hurry up i cannot be left alone with my own thoughts
Something’s not quite right, and we’re looking into it. Thanks for your reports!
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there is something so perverse about zesting and juicing a lemon like. i have stripped you of everything you are .
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if i’m ever this corny please just kill me
Machine Gun Kelly says Megan Foxʼs engagement ring has internal thorns:
“The bands are actually thorns. So if she tries to take it off, it hurts… Love is pain.”
(Source:
@voguemagazine
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deciding to emerge from my flop era (depressive episode) into my hot era (remembering to take my meds)
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pls lmk …. every time i’ve ever worn lingerie it has never been appreciated the way i think i want it to be
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looking at linkedin makes me feel like i’m losing my grip on reality … wtf do u mean u have a passion for audience segmentation
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breaking up with a therapist is so awkward. it’s like .. i’m no longer mentally ill :) goodbye :(
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and he lives in murray hill
AI deepfake technology compiles every serial killer into one man.
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is the moon mooning or something because today has particularly feral energy
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in honor of soft launch season i will be posting a selfie with one (1) hair of my man on my sweater … that’s all the revealing he needs
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bc she’s hungry
An alpaca walks into a restaurant in Hangzhou. I dunno why...
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@holy_schnitt
it’s the same feeling as everyone singing happy birthday to u … pure discomfort
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thrift shops will label clothes “y2k” and it’ll be the ugliest shit you’ve ever seen in ur life
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woman in smoothie shop said “i can’t believe it’s christmas eve 2022” and you know what? she’s so right
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i determine if i’ll have a good or bad day based on the straw i get at dunkin (branded = good, clear = bad) it is a foolproof plan
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they can never make me hate taylor swift im sorry .. this bitch crazy and she KNOWS IT
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when working at a coffee shop there’s always one moment where it turns into the loudest place you’ve ever experienced
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NFT this NFT that some of y’all need to call N FT ur mother and tell her u love her!!!!!!!
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i cannot stand soles that look like this why does the shoe need TEETH
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now WHY did we name birds shit like Great Tit and Blue Footed Booby… next up the Mommy Milky Pigeon
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i just know it smells crazy in there
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waxing lady i’ve been seeing since 2021 just said “it was so nice to meet you”
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me depression napping on my bare mattress bc i’m too lazy to put the sheets on
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wtf is the appropriate way to reply to sexts ….. i’m out here saying shit like “oki doki :)”
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blush is nars orgasm
When Patriots like Kyle Rittenhouse and I get lost, we just follow the flag to safety, like the wisemen followed the wishing star.
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i didn’t realize the Kentucky derby was this weekend i just thought every white person decided to dress extra ugly for no reason
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how it feels to ask “is this still available?” on fb marketplace
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there should be an award given to the girls who pretend laugh when their bfs put on I Think You Should Leave
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i wanted to take pretty pics of myself but the only good angle was one where u just ... see my stove
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it’s. called being my dad — hope this helps ❤️
what is it called when somebody is nice to outside people and strangers but not the people closest to them.. is there a word for that specifically
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We asked young New Yorkers about their dream futures. Then we calculated exactly how much each would cost.
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me to my friends at the bar after i call an uber to my ex’s place
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no one has more attitude than someone selling a piece of mid century modern furniture on fb marketplace
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gonna run for a very very long time today and that will fix everything
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on my girlboss shit (getting acid reflux from the $7 latte i’m chugging in this coffee shop)
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something LGBTQ is happening to me
Susan Kare, the Apple artist who designed many of the fonts, icons, and images for Apple, NeXT, Microsoft, and IBM.
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@holy_schnitt
@leigh_tumlin
I saw Alabama and thought she was talking about madison and then I was just taken on a damn journey by the end of this tweet
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i need to speak my truth … i cannot stand that barbie billie eilish song
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