Audrey Horne
@credenzaclear2
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Following
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Statuses
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im an acquired taste.. if you don’t like me, acquire some taste!
Washington, DC
Joined November 2021
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Last Seen Profiles
Pinned Tweet
"you tweet too much" ok would you tell leonardo dicaprio he painted too much?
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turn the ac down to 64 take a hotel shower make a swiss miss hot cocoa get in hotel bed and watch seinfeld until you pass out. skill issue.
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Cat people are nice about dogs but dog people are sooooo rude about cats
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No one’s brave enough to admit they’re a boob man these days
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what i thought people wore to the office when i was 11
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this looks so fun imagine how good this would feel
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sluttiest jobs for men
1. bartender
2. chef
3. pharmaceutical sales rep
4. personal trainer
5. realtor
6. fireman
7. any kind of pilot
8. male nurse
9. tattoo artist
10. anesthesiologist
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“new york hot” just means you’re brunette and sickly looking
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when i say i want to “go out” i never mean clubs i mean a little candle-lit wine bar
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the best men are always gently amused at you and sort of benevolent
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this guy rules, he takes his family hiking on saturdays, brings in cookies his wife made, gives you thoughtful feedback on any and all work and always has your back in a meeting. everyone respects him. keep hating losers
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“im just a girl” ok well im not. i pay bills. i drive. i take advil when my head hurts. i say let’s circle back in meetings which i arrange. i use curt language in emails to convey urgency. my slide decks command respect. i am feared by the weak. when’s the last time you stood up
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If i were a guy id be soooo bad with women i’d be like “who is that RAVISHING creature” and then i’d be like “may i”, kissing girls hands like “the pleasure is ALL mine, miss…?” falling over myself etc etc
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I get what she’s saying sorry the rest of you don’t speak hottie or whatever
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love when a guy is 35 and is like 'time for a wife now'
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this isn’t gossip you undersocialized numbskull, this is active interest in your nearest and dearest! can’t stand guys who makes excuses for their lazy solipsism and throw women under the bus in the process like this
This is a green flag
Real men don't care too much about gossip
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i remember working soooo hard to understand mathematical and statistical concepts and then once i figured them out i was like oh why didn’t they explain it the way i understand it in the first place?
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if a girl’s a little weird it’s like ok shes a little weird so what. if a guy’s a little weird it’s like he could be a little weird or he could kill you
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i hate when men impose vulgarity on you and expect you to go along as if it’s normal
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my zoomer friend said the community college to 4 year college pipeline grad will be the smartest person in the room every time
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Guy who thinks he has a goth gf but shes just a brunette
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i follow all these rich girls who are into “gentle” living and they don’t drink coffee and they don’t use makeup and they wear $500 sustainable hand knit sweaters and they bake experimental quince tarts and jammy breads and take calm photos and appreciate the small things
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ohhhhh an easily bored girl with deadpan delivery and sarcastic affect who isn’t impressed by anything and doesn’t like anyone? should we throw a party? should we invite daria
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i love europe… was accidentally blocking the entrance to the bathroom and i apologized and an italian man said oh don’t be sorry… if a beautiful lady blocks the path, i never mind
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i always notice when someone never asks any questions
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are there any movies with highly naturalistic dialogue… like almost too real with all the ums and uhs and interruptions and pauses
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i hate when you think you can be real with someone and then you say the wrong thing and you physically see their corporate wall go up
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fashion is not about who you want to have sex with
Straight men have never understood women's obsession with catwalk models. They are not hot. Every straight man has said this to a woman at some point in his life, usually in a baffled tone, not understanding why they are even a thing in the first place. They are not desirable.
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why doesn’t she date him
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Modest clothing yet every guy looks. Is there something attractive to being classy that society has lost?
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they need to make a cigarette for people who dont smoke
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the ritual of independent shade-matching at sephora is a deeply therapeutic and meaningful rite of womanhood!!! no i do not need “help” finding my shade!!! i am entering a flow state and solving many problems!!
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oh wow you had an affair with an older man? he was your english professor?? he was married? with a CHILD??? AND you’re bulimic?? AND bisexual??
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I know most men are not like this gross freak but watching this it’s hard to shake the fear that many men think this way but hide it
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you’ve never been a strange and neglected young woman who needs to be treated with kindness and loved for who she is rather than being reduced to her sexuality and it shows
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time comes in every woman’s life when she stops wasting time with the vulgar onion and finds solace in the arms of the subtle & sensitive shallot
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Imagine if a girl liked beer… she’d probably be the hottest girl ever i bet
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if id been from a rich family i would have just studied art or english for fifteen years straight
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Yeah i have attention deficit disorder… if i don’t get attention i start some disorder
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this is incredibly dehumanizing idc
“You may choose to look the other way but you can never say again that you did not know.” —William Wilberforce.
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my faaaaave romcom plot is woman finds a very serious man to fall in love with her by being herself/as annoying as possible
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$91 at sephora. one day this will be my husbands problem
in a bad mood so i spent a hundred dollars at sephora
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age gap wednesday. woke up, uncoiled my body and sank my fangs directly into this delicious piece. i savored each and every example, first looking at the age gap, then at one face, and then the other before finally casting omnipotent judgment. truly scrumptious. thank you ny mag!
i interviewed more than fifty people in relationships with age gaps from ten to 40 years. they told me they were happy. why is it so hard to believe them?
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breasts? high. ponytail? flush. purity? plausibly deniable. ovaries? mostly full. my step? peppy.
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is now a good time to say i think in another life selena gomez would have been a nurse
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venti iced coffee. high of 78. good hair. dinner with friends later. could i be any more successful.
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can someone explain the true psychology of people who enjoy playing board games and card games
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i drink four coffees a day and listen to Mercy every morning on my fifty minute commute to work where i forget to blend in my concealer and have to reapply lipstick every half hour and tweet incessantly between meetings and stay up till 2am every night doing sudoku on my phone
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No offense but the tennis skirt truly is one of the modern marvels… incredibly powerful item.. right on par with nuclear technology
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this is what i wore to community college calculus II at 8 in the morning in 2010
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and everything in their homes is so artfully selected, the perfect mix of old and new and they speak so softly and they gather berries and they make crafts at home and try new teas and read before bed and i want that to be me soooooo bad BUT I CAN’T I CAN’T DO IT I DON’T HAVE IT
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what is the next wave of coffee shops going to be like? i feel like i’ve been seeing places exactly like this since i was in college in 2015
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do people even live like they did in seinfeld anymore… 40 years old, highly neurotic, dating around, baggy clothes, cereal, barging in and around etcetera
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I think it’s cause shes wearing a hat
Modest clothing yet every guy looks. Is there something attractive to being classy that society has lost?
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When the 24 year old guys at work are like “my wife” i find it extremely jarring
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at the used bookstore trying to work out which books i actually want to read and which books the kind of person i would like to be would read
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this is how several (yes several) of my friends got severely injured bc the only way you could get a boyfriend in seattle was by adopting their favorite adrenaline sport (mt biking) and being “chill”
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allowing your small daughter to go on tiktok is evil kanye is right
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would u rather have a cute n silly gf or a gongeous and sexy gf be honest
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imagine being married to him
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what is this aversion to the word “boyfriend”. you can have a boyfriend at any age. a partner is somebody at a law firm. if you want something a little more elevated, GET MARRIED!!!!
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community college was so crazy i was 16 years old & my partner for public speaking class was a 38 year old ex-felon & we were straight up besties
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i make the introductions i wear all black because it’s faster all my friends are smarter than i am i eat bitter greens because they’re good for me i watch difficult movies for fun i make decisions when i don’t feel like it i go to the dermatologist and i own four sets of sheets
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Back in the 70s you could look a little different and still be the hottest woman alive not anymore though
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Sex should be a symbol of trust and love freely given and you’re turning it into a commodity
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red wine and espresso: the thinking woman’s four loko
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what do you do when you feel the unbearable presence of darkness on a sunday afternoon/evening
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my bf just walked through the door and said he had a task that requires “feminine intuition and also a data-driven mindset” and it’s literally an NFL bracket
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there’s a type of Christian girl i know who never gave herself the chance of finding love, but wrapped herself up in a protective nest of tea, cats, crafts and YA fiction.. never dating or trying to date, and not bitter about it either
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this is the kind of guy you get paired up with in community college biology class
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this is how zoomers talk about you when you’re 30 in 2024
i'm sorry but this woman is loved by god. all the drugs she's done, all the chaos she's been in, and she's probably the BEST aging celebrity alongside beyoncé. like she can still pass as 20/tbh a senior in any high school netflix show. i am FLOORED.
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right wing twitter i hope you rot
Librarian Mychal Threets is resigning from his role at the Solano County Library to prioritize his mental health:
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this is soooo normal girls do this when they like you
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we can tell when men are trying to do this in a fake way and it’s bad
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clothes shopping feels incredibly bleak to me right now. nothing excites me. no desire ignites. where once i saw opportunity lies a vulgar wasteland of polyester
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my dream is to have dinner parties that are so cozy and go on for so long that the guests don't want to leave so i say why don't you take one of the guest rooms there's plenty of space and then i make everyone pancakes the next day
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Catholics will show you the gaudiest image you’ve ever seen in your life and be like “you can’t deny this beauty” like ok liberace
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i think there’s room for a different way to teach/learn math - or at least statistics -that is more intuitive for someone like me who isn’t naturally a “math person”… once i got it it all really clicked and was very satisfying and fun but it was not presented that way at all
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scared out of my mind because this girl i thought was five years older than me at work due to her authoritative presence and house and husband in the suburbs is one year younger
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my new dermatologist is an italian bro… i listed off every mole that freaked me out and he was instantly like “fibrous papule. benign. cherry angioma. benign. birthmark. normal mole. birthmark. benign. benign.” in a loud long island accent
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all these essays that are like “can i. be honest i just want to be a sex toy for a rich man and frankly so do all women” are so disingenuous and not at all refreshing at this point like can EYE be honest? i want a future and to be respected and to have a clean heart and soul
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