FunkLip
@funkomi
Followers
3,231
Following
684
Media
1,971
Statuses
43,128
Views expressed are my opinion only and not my employers| Christ follower | Investment Lawyer | Investor | Mother
London
Joined December 2010
Don't wanna be here?
Send us removal request.
Explore trending content on Musk Viewer
Drake
• 2147010 Tweets
Kendrick
• 1821129 Tweets
Lando
• 496675 Tweets
#GranHermano
• 328823 Tweets
GW最終日
• 264139 Tweets
Furia
• 240211 Tweets
The Heart Part 6
• 126023 Tweets
Mauro
• 123896 Tweets
連休最終日
• 84978 Tweets
Panamá
• 79535 Tweets
Mulino
• 67649 Tweets
REJECT
• 58819 Tweets
NASCAR
• 54695 Tweets
ゴールデンウィーク最終日
• 50391 Tweets
Tom Brady
• 46145 Tweets
Juliana
• 44513 Tweets
Whitney
• 36287 Tweets
Manzana
• 32771 Tweets
Del Moro
• 23849 Tweets
Mother I Sober
• 17517 Tweets
Larson
• 17273 Tweets
ゴムの日
• 16879 Tweets
#RCWIN
• 14266 Tweets
Rial
• 11329 Tweets
#PodemosHablarCHV
• 10295 Tweets
Pinned Tweet
It took me 28 billable hours to get out this little overachiever. I hope he pays me a bonus, I deserve 😂🤍
106
102
2K
Screaming, I'm in Asda and people misread the sign thinking the Pringles were 35p. They were fighting & clamoring like old school black Friday. People put whole crates on their trolley.
Now customer services is overrun with Pringles refunds 😂
283
2K
33K
For those who don't already know this (corporate world) tip. After you have finished drafting your email, go back and delete the word "just".
"I just wanted to..."
"I'm just emailing to..."
"I just thought to check..."
It creates an unnecessarily weak/ passive impression.
45
8K
28K
I was in my nail shop getting a pedi when Tier 4 was announced. The owner of the shop was shocked and devastated. She found out in front of all her customers and couldn’t even hide the stress and pain. It was so sad to watch.
24
2K
26K
City of London would be a complete shut down. Every IB, law firm, consultancy and insurance firm.... Let's av it 😂
London mayor candidate Shaun Bailey wants firms to test staff for drugs to help stamp out gang violence
149
105
367
18
2K
11K
Not everyone is supposed to like you. People not liking you can actually be a really good sign, especially if you are happy with who you are and have introspection.
10
3K
11K
The consequences of laziness in any area of your life are so harsh. They are also embarrassing.
20
3K
11K
Men not getting up on the tube for pregnant women is one of the worst examples of social contract being well and truly broken. The way they avert their eyes makes me sick.
92
845
9K
My publicist said I’m allowed to drop my January flex...
On Friday, we got the keys to our beautiful new home 🏡 🗝️, and I haven't stopped grinning 🥳🙌🏽
#2020goals
#NewHome
106
744
8K
No Merry Christmas
No Good Morning
Just rampant consumerism... at 9am.
We live in a simulation, I promise you.
29
756
7K
So like, you and your 42 year old kids will be going to the office together…?
UK state pension age will soon need to rise to 71, say experts
831
403
814
10
907
6K
I don’t like to join salary debates for many reasons but if your parents raised you on £30k in 1990 that’s the equivalent of £72k today and thats just inflation. Factor in cost of living and reduction of welfare, its about £94k (rough calc) equivalent
Do with that what you will.
23
2K
6K
The man holding the sign is a civilian who couldn't take the insanity any longer so tore the sign down.
For the rest of the shop they were announcing intermittently: "Pringles are £1.85" on the tannoy 😭
8
65
5K
This aspiring surgeon and Oxford University student stabbed a man she met on Tinder. She plead guilty to the assault but didn’t go to jail because “to prevent this extraordinary, able young lady from following her long-held desire to enter the profession she wishes to, would be a…
180
1K
4K
Indicating on roundabouts is a dying art. I have no idea where anyone is going.
6
801
4K
Davido, a millionaire, asked for money and people sent it. In the millions??
8
1K
4K
@BeyondThePowers
This is a strange take given that there are literally hundreds of scholarships and bursaries for countless special interest groups...? Do you also take issue with these?
98
604
4K
When our parents were our age it was big family barbecues & cousin sleepovers & hall parties & community and now we can barely afford to have 2 children each and halls cost £3k for the night. Cooler of jollof is £250.
Decor is £3k.
12
1K
4K
Mango have a dupe for the Balenciaga heart earrings and the stock goes FASS.
£450 (plated copper) vs £12.99 (100% brass).
17
255
3K
Its actually game over if this comes on in the dancery.
5
657
3K
A company that made £1billion in *profit* has been contracted by the UK government to provide food to children and is spending 16% of the contract on the actual food and pocketing 83% to cover operations and profit.
This observation is made without comment.
12
1K
3K
A partner asked me if my husband works full time today and I can't stop thinking about it. Like it is heavily coded. I'm too impressed with this elite level of read to properly take offence.
24
254
3K
She wasn’t being mean but said to me “you just work from home don’t you? So none of this effects you”.
Just made me think would they do this ‘4 hrs notice’ thing to banks, law firms, consultancy’s etc?
6
249
3K
A word you used only yesterday? The way people perform on this app is crazy.
@paulg
delve, safeguard, robust, demystify, 'in this digital world',
all chatgpt.
I am rejecting all content with any of these words.
there is no problem with these words, but they make human language mechanical.
2K
360
1K
46
1K
3K
I feel like men get so mad at (black)girls who do hair / makeup as a side hustle because it hurts that we can make a quick £500+ in one day with an actual skill, instead of deetsing someone's grandma.
26
933
3K
Some of us already made all our WFH plans for this week, dear.
NEW: This week’s tube strikes have now been suspended.
Londoners and visitors to our city will no longer face several days of disruption.
This shows what can be achieved by engaging with trade unions and transport staff rather than working against them.
0
391
3K
4
407
3K
Thankfully she dropped out of university after this. But imagine she actually became a surgeon. In the care of people at their most vulnerable time. The judge was okay with that. He called her drug fuelled outburst a “one off” despite knowing she struggled with substance abuse.
25
192
3K
This applies to the UK btw. We're not as litigious but the 3 actions I've participated in have netted me upwards of £10k over the years. For a bit of paperwork? Join!
i want you to know that you should sign up for every class action settlement you ever get an email about because why did i just get one that was over $1k when i thought it would be like $1
228
3K
58K
12
253
3K
We've had a guy painting our flat to get it ready for new peeps to move in. He messaged saying he has tidied up and done some "decoration". Meanwhile the flat is basically empty so I'm thinking what decoration???.
Guys come and see what he did with our BROOM 😭
54
591
2K
You know what, this girl has made me laugh a couple times. Henry VIII? She ate this one lil thing 🤣
6
259
2K
The wealthy Nigerians of North / Northwest London are living a different life. And they are doing it in *secret* but like right in our face.
The Barnet Babes. The Mill Hill Moguls, the Hampstead Heauxs.
32
297
2K
Me comparing myself to someone 10 years older and wondering why I haven't achieved all that yet.
2
629
2K
I remember being 14 and told by a teacher that they will do everything in their power to make sure I amount to “nothing in this life”. Why so much energy for a child??
8
142
2K
Had to let A5O5 know they had broken the law. They went from unnecessarily hostile and dismissive to responding how they should have two months ago!
Its always the principle. Dont let these companies take you fi eediat.
24
413
2K
Since Premium Bonds are doing the rounds, I would like to say that I put in £1000 in 2014 and so far I have won absolutely nothing.
All I’ve won is depreciation 😂. Bless up 🙏🏾
23
216
2K
Paper bags now going for 50p. It started off as 5p to "help the environment" and of course turned into full blown capitalist insanity.
9
409
2K
Instagram stories right now is:
wedding wedding wedding AD wedding holiday AD wedding AD wedding holiday holiday AD wedding.
0
487
2K
This housing stuff is such a sad reflection of where our society is. I remember after Grenfell we discovered that all the housing association tenants in our apartment complex didn't have sprinklers in their flats :/ the rest of us did. Can't begin to understand why.
4
386
2K
Loool. I just got a birthday invite and the dress code is "Wealth". Jesus, elevate me. I'm begging.
10
440
2K
The school decided to punish (checks notes 📝) a *child* for their parents/guardians decision to purchase a skirt that was around 70% cheaper and virtually identical.
The Rawcliffes skirt is £18-22 for 1.
The Asda skirt is £10 for 2.
The reviews for the school are abysmal
Holderness Academy has defended placing a child in isolation for wearing the supermarket version, insisting parents were made aware of the policy in June.
1K
794
3K
8
453
2K
London is always extracting money from you. Even if you sit at home doing "nothing", it's like even our thoughts are no longer free.
5
380
2K
I do believe in saying "please" and "thank you" in emails. Professional doesn't have to be cold / impolite.
This is good:
2
370
1K
Lockdown has meant I’ve spent £0 on avocado toast in 18 months but the brand new house did not magically appear.
Can someone send me the playbook again please?
4
231
1K
On a more positive note, my sister recommended the Nigerian "hello fresh" to me and I'm in love. I made pepper soup AND ayamase in under 20 mins 🥰
18
280
1K
Honestly next time someone asks me why I spent £1347 on Net-a-porter I'm going to tell them FACT CHECK: it was PPE ✋🏾
3
139
1K
A thread of resources for those keen to start their investment journey:
13
329
1K
Ever since I landed in Mexico, got searched at customs & they pulled out clear pastic baggies with tiny dried green leaves and I literally vomitted screaming “it isn’t mine”…before I remembered I packed loose leaf green tea incase I got bellyache.
I don’t take any type of…
14
197
1K
The fact that the person who did the panelling also did a bad job is making it worse. Why is is jagga jagga and not level??
11
7
1K
Someone told me thier firm does 2.5 days in office. That is painfully cheeky because the damage is done once TFL takes their £9.75.
7
86
1K
I've got "too much to do" paralysis where you end up doing nothing 💔
2
200
1K
Suddenly there are bricklaying complications…
(can we all for a minute be very serious here)
The job is now £3,250. They are adamant.
I said okay and asked them not to come back. They have been calling me non stop to finish the job back at the original price.
NO. BYE. ✌🏾
5
52
1K
At one point in my 20s, I was earning just under £38k (including bonus), with no assets, no savings and over £100k of unsecured interest bearing debt.
13
78
994
You condescendingly and publicly banter your friends salaries and then start acting confused when friends choose to ghost instead of talking about what they are going through.
3
279
944
That was just words and is still a lasting memory. Really hoping this girl can heal from this violation and find out that people do care.
4
54
902
A bricklayer quoted me £1.5k to take down and re-build some walls and pillars that had been destroyed by a tree. They did two days of the job before Christmas and I paid the 2/3rds. Asked to use the bathroom (of course luv!). Came out saying “ooh nice house” (thanks luv).
8
83
909
I’ve realised in this life that many people are lazy and do not like hard work, discipline or sacrifice. But I also know that you cannot outwork privilege no matter how hard you try.
6
197
855
It’s my baby’s first Christmas 🎄
I started to think I’d never say those words. I have an👼🏽 for each of the 3 yrs we waited on God for Him and I’m still in awe each day of the manifestation of His promise.
His Yoruba name means “my testimony of Joy” and I really mean it 🤍
30
47
840
Luke T is giving me Theo vibes. As in he might have the right energy to scatter things in this place 😂
#LoveIsland
4
89
806
This legislation is being passed by the UK government in response to COVID-19 but will be in place for at least 2 years:
Some significant points clipped below
22
769
789
Am I the only one that when someome tweets absolute nonsense on here, I open their profile pic and stare at it for a few seconds to see if I can understand ‘why’. 😅
12
133
786
Clubhouse has made me realise why Twitter limited us to 180 characters.
2
206
768
@__TheUnsullied
Everyone is supposed to. That's what makes society work, everyone participating in the social contract. This tweet is about noticing a trend of men opting out.
4
49
770
👇🏽
@__TheUnsullied
Everyone is supposed to. That's what makes society work, everyone participating in the social contract. This tweet is about noticing a trend of men opting out.
4
49
770
2
10
737
I wish people called out their local MPs with as much vim as they called out fashion and beauty influencers who are minding their business doing the job that pays them...
0
221
695
@lajanvett
It would look 100 times better. They should also put some super tall trees so no one can see the house from the street.
5
0
680
I don’t think I even understand what this means. They are selling a room in their house for £132k?? 😵💫
2
123
674
Anyway once I had cleared that debt, I had built up enough financial discipline to start saving & investing. Still in my 20's, I started with just £50 a month and built a six figure investment portfolio split into:
25% cash savings
60% - ETFs and Mutual Funds
10% - stocks
5%…
At one point in my 20s, I was earning just under £38k (including bonus), with no assets, no savings and over £100k of unsecured interest bearing debt.
13
78
994
4
79
664
Wow, a council officer who got PTSD helping Grenfell victims has been awarded £4.6million, the highest Employment Tribunal award following a dismissal from Hammersmith & Fulham Council.
13
150
651
Nursery fee update came out and it's honestly eye watering. The government childcare changes which come in in April are truly transformative and I really hope they survive the political circus.
14
154
637
If I had circles I would say that paying £650 to attend a marriage masterclass that includes a livestream to the “teachers” wedding is natural selection.
But I don’t have circles so… 🤷🏽♀️
4
151
615
You have to be realistic when dating & marrying in modern times. My husband not being an active tweeter was a non-negotiable for me. Browsing and LinkedIn only.
6
147
699
I’m sorry but David Cameron gets off the hook so much.
3 people are primarily responsible for UK’s societal decline of last 40 years
1 Ayn Rand - her philosophy permeates politics, media & ideas of morality
2 Thatcher
3 Murdoch
They are behind selfish individualism, worship of the rich, contempt for the poor & thralldom to USA
135
629
2K
1
124
575
I want to faint. That Van Cleef clover bracelet is £3.5k?
I canna keep up with the gworls, y’all are really very spicy, well done.
5
84
566
If pensioners didn't spend all their money on avocado toast, cruises, flat screen TVs, car finance and nights out they'd have saved enough to top up the pension and meet that basic living wage...
Can someone explain to me why the new basic state pension amounts to about £12.5k a year and yet basic living wage amounts to £21.5k a year and yet pensioners are expected to pay tax if their income exceeds £12570 pa ?
823
2K
11K
11
159
579
A colleague just completed on her flat. I said “Congratulations!” She said “Thanks it was such a long process! Kudos to you for buying a house all alone”.
..............................?
When, in the ra•ci$t assumption did I tell this woman I bought alone 🤔
5
46
569
The cricket, the ski season, where do you summer, what your parents do, what are you reading at the moment, what time do you need to relieve the nanny? the Lakes, the Aga…
You start to understand this country on a deeper level once you realise just how seriously they take social class and the amount of signalling they do. If you’re not alive to it, you wouldn’t even notice it
2
197
818
4
98
555
Reminder to take your workplace pension seriously please. Do NOT opt out and find your old ones.
Private pension age is 55 (soon 57) which isnt great but better than 71.
I've been working since I was 16. In 2020 I searched & scooped up all my smol smol pensions into Pension Bee. It came to about £16k - in 3 years it's made over £4k just chilling.
Sign up to Pension Bee and do the same, don't let those coins disappear.
5
30
178
3
178
554
New knees.
What would have to be at the top for you to do this
3K
4K
44K
7
90
552
Respect to Primark for this. Hope other corporates follow suit and money is reallocated to where it’s desperately needed.
2
192
533
I sent about £150 worth of baby items using
@Hermesparcels
next day delivery last Friday. Hermes now claim the contents have all been "destroyed" and cannot be delivered. Are offering £20 compensation and no evidence of the destroyed items or if any survived said destruction??
11
199
527
Starting a reply like this is actually a grenade. I’m sat on a school morning. ☕️
8
137
531
This is how much I got quoted to do decor for my baby shower with 20 guests in my house. ☺️
The wedding industry is in a shambles. I’ve just seen a bride complaining about the price of decor for 200 guests (£4000) and vendors are in the comments saying her budget is too small and cussing her for not wanting to spend money. Is it CRACK?!
39
338
3K
13
101
484
@demi_irawo
But renting at the moment is also 40-50% so whats the difference? The whole game is rigged and you still need somewhere to live.
7
12
481
Me as a parent by God's grace 🙏🏽
This made me tear up. I miss some good old parental love and care mahn! I'm could use a break from having to do shit all on my own
5
200
948
0
95
467