I wanted to share this statement. I owe it to those who follow my work and to my colleagues. There's a lot to express that won't fit in a tweet so please read this.

New Tonight: Disturbing video from @WBFO in Buffalo, NY shows an elderly man walk up to police in riot gear. An officer shoves the man...he falls backwards, hits his head...starts bleeding immediately...motionless. Why did this happen @BPDAlerts ?

lol nothing matters

Just a friendly reminder that Rendon has twice as many runs and a higher SLG % than Harper

Also I'm very tired because I couldn't sleep because yesterday I had to comfort and reassure my 90-year old widowed grandfather who regularly goes to Shabbat services to mourn my grandmother and I didn't believe a single fucking word I said.

How can the Wikipedia page for Raphael not have a single mention of the Ninja Turtles

Give a medal to whoever added this to the Wikipedia page for Pitchfork

That moment you are in a Google office halfway around the world and hear @HopAlongtheband coming out of the speakers in the ceiling....my ears are so happy right now.

What is Neymar Portuguese for "flopping like a fish out of water" or something

Best translation since Bibi called Neta a cow

Saw a guy wearing a plaid shirt I have, tempted to walk up to him and say "sup brah, you about that Kohl's life too?"

The guide that literally no one asked for

C'MON GUYS, you crashed our dang website, our IT people wanna watch the game too, please form an orderly line

Let's be honest, Trump is just obsessed with steel tariffs because he thinks it's the name of a porn star

I’m surprised the NRA was affiliated with car rental companies at all, considering Hertz and Avis enforce tyrannical rules like "age restrictions" and "having a license."

Literally *Bibi Netanyahu himself* is against this https://t.co/186JWwaYgD

.@RBIGAME hits shelves today & now you can RT for a chance to win a #Nats @Xbox One S console! Rules: https://t.co/9AnetA6ajy

This makes sense, since we are being ruled by a group of ancient, bag-like sea creatures

From refugee to #Marine. @USMC Cpl Ali J. Mohammed takes the fight to the doorstep of those who cast his family out. https://t.co/oSXWGrzsL7

.@POTUS can sign whatever executive orders he likes, but the law is the law - we're not bringing back torture