When my 6 month old son died, a huge part of me died with him. Regardless of how much time passes, this existential loss will never be any less.
What continues to shock me is how many people expect a ‘full recovery’. Expect me to have ‘moved on’. To be thinking about and feeling…
I never saw Thomas alive without tubes and tapes. This week, a talented stranger amalgamated two of my photos of T, to make this image of him.
I’ve seen every photo that exists of T. There aren’t any more. Having a ‘new’ one is just incredible
#bereavedmother
#childloss
#kindness
Not ‘just a student’. I’m a teacher of 16 years. A leader. A Governor. A trustee. A mum of 4. I have life experience, medical experience, first hand patient experience from the other side. I’ve watched my child die. I advocate. I escalate. I’m not ‘just a student’.
#studentnurse
Thomas Edward Garner
27/10/2017 - 29/04/2018
He may be small, but his impact has been huge. He may look fragile, but his fight was mighty. His death left us shattered, but it gave me determination, tenacity, and courage that I didn’t have before. He is missed immensely.…
The smallest of gestures really can have the biggest impact. On Easter Day, one of Thomas’ nurses bought Easter socks for all the children on the PICU. Arriving on the unit that morning, seeing him in his little themed socks really lifted my spirits at what was a particularly…
Thomas would be 6 and a half today.
Imagine celebrating a half birthday because deep down, you know you’ll never get to celebrate their first birthday with them alive. I often wonder how this is actually my life.
#BereavedMother
#BabyLoss
#InfantLoss
#InfantDeath
…
Because of a nurse advocating, I got one of the best moments of my life; Thomas’ first cuddle. Because of a nurse challenging, I have life long memories. Because of a nurse’s compassion, my son died with dignity & respect.
EVERY SINGLE MOMENT MATTERS
#BeTheChange
#StudentNurse
Today, some Mum’s woke up knowing that their child wasn’t ever going to. Today, some Mum’s sat with their child’s ashes, or at their graves, knowing that they wouldn’t get a cuddle.
Today, some Mum’s will have struggled with social media, with going out, with shopping or going…
On International Bereaved Mother’s Day 2024, I’m thinking of and sending love to all who have lost children. From those who faced child loss in pregnancy, to those who’s children sadly died in adulthood, and all in between. Age doesn’t matter. Our children should not die before…
Today, I was successful in gaining my dream job as a PICU nurse. I still can’t believe they chose me! Today, 6 years ago, I took these two pictures of my beautiful boy. I am a NURSE, because of him. He’s my inspiration, my strength, my motivation. This is for you T 💫
#PICUNurse
Today last year, I’d worked my last day as a teacher. The end of a 16 year career. Now, I’m a year away from qualifying with a Masters in CYP Nursing, & I’ve had an incredible year of learning, working &caring. Nursing isn’t what I expected. It’s SO much more.
#StudentNurse
#UoS
@Im11
Thank you for your lovely message. I am very fortunate to have four beautiful boys, three with me. 1 from before T, and 2 after. They give me reason, love, and keep me run off my feet! X
What is wrong with using the word ‘died’. While I understand the meaning of expired medically, to no longer breathe, imagine saying this to a family. ‘I’m terribly sorry. Your son has expired’. What is wrong with died or dead?! Is this a term I should be using in my writing?…
@NurseStandard
Students pay upwards of £27,000 to train, work 37.5 hours a week, unpaid, while having to claim an additional student loan of up to around £36,000 over three years, simply to live. The meagre £5000p/y bursary doesn’t even cover fees, let alone childcare costs to put your children…
“We are a profession that sometimes [doesn’t look] after its own.And that is ubiquitous across every setting we find. So I think there is a real mirror, actually,to hold up to ourselves as a profession about,what can we get right about retention?”START WITH STUDENTS
#studentnurse
I wish more people would understand exactly what happens in children’s hospices, and how they become lifelines for families of children with complex & life limiting conditions.
@ClaireHouse
has helped our family in so many ways. Please - watch this short video. It may only…
At this week's debate on Hospice Funding, I urged the Government to provide an increased level of funding to all children’s hospices, including
@ClaireHouse
&
@ZoesPlaceLiv
in West Derby, that provide magnificent & crucial support for residents in West Derby & beyond.
Honouring our tradition since 2016. Welcomed 4 kids in '16, '17, '19 & '21. ‘17 was in
#AlderHey
#PICU
. Thomas died in ‘18, and his memory is carried with 'Tom Tom bear', keeping him with us in our annual family photo. Grateful to
@AlderHey
&
@Matalan
.
#Bereavedmother
#childloss
Now for the three week wait! I just hope I did enough…
Six years ago today I was sat planning Thomas’ funeral in
@ClaireHouse
. Never would I have imagined that I’d be months away from qualifying as a nurse with a job in PICU. Always inspired by my boy 💙💫
#StudentNurse
…
As an experienced teacher, mentoring a student was a privilege.I’d learn as they did.I’d coach, encourage &inspire.
As a student nurse, I’d envisaged similar.I’ve had excellent exposures & I’ve been disregarded. What experiences have other students had?
#studentnurse
#futurenurse
Imagine a life where your hopes are obliterated, your dreams smashed. Your future empty, nothing to look forward to. Imagine birthdays being taboo and every public holiday causing physical pain. You don’t get to celebrate your life events or milestones, but you must be seen to…
Today, when clearing space on my Google drive, I found a photo that I have zero recollection of taking, but that instantly transported me back to one of the most horrific, traumatic, and distressing evenings of my life. This photo is heavily cropped, so you can’t see a lot.…
6 years ago on
#newyear
, a nurse put T’s Christmas booties & bow tie on his teddy to keep them safe. They’ve stayed there ever since.
I wonder if she realises the significance of her thoughtful act. I’d love her to know that they’re still exactly as she left them
#bereavedmother
The reason for giving up teaching. The reason for paying £18K in uni fees. The reason for a £38K loan (on top of 4 years of previous loan!). The end goal…
All interview tips will be graciously received… 🤞🏻😅
#studentnurse
#futurenurse
#NHSjobs
#PICUnurse
#TomsJourneyUK
How do you explain the death of a sibling to a young child? We didn’t. We let H guide us from the very beginning. We let him be curious, we let him be involved as and when he wanted, and we allowed him to set the pace. We haven’t held anything back from him, or from his younger…
Taking myself in to hospital for
#ReducedMovements
and having my worries & concerns listened to and acted upon are why I am able to celebrate a 3rd Birthday tomorrow. I’ll be forever grateful to my amazing
#NHSConsultant
, and to the whole of the
#VelocityClinic
for their…
Loving a child that is no longer here has made me see life differently, & made me realise that the most important thing in life is genuine intrinsic human connection, in life, in death, and in-between. Time may pass, but love has no limit. Thomas’ memory is a testament to a love…
Child loss changes you. The person you were dies with your child, and the person you become looks identical; but is forever and irreversibly altered.
We break. We’re angry. We’re beyond sad. Yet we function. We’re happy. We’re positive. Often at the same time. We have no choice.…
Two pictures, seemingly worlds apart. Taken one hour apart. The reality of life with a toddler and a critically ill baby.
This time of year is a living nightmare, literally. This is the 6th time round of re-living every moment of the most traumatic week of my life. Every…
My baby died. The baby I grew, protected &loved beyond measure. The baby I fought for, challenged beliefs for, gave every ounce of by being to.He died &I couldn’t protect or save him. That love; it doesn’t die. It grows. It aches. It drives me to do more. To be better. For Thomas
‘To be the person who we long to be, we must again be vulnerable. We must take off the armor, put down the weapons, show up, and let ourselves be seen.’
Reading
#BreneBrown
’s book has been such a motivation for me over the last couple of stressful weeks. I ‘chose courage over…
THINK: When making a throwaway comment, is it to offer your support, or is it to make yourself feel better in an uncomfortable situation.
“At least you’ve had another baby now”
“It’s not my fault your baby was so sick”
“It could have been worse, he could have been home first”…
@theRCN
Students pay upwards of £27,000 to train, work 37.5 hours a week, unpaid, while having to claim an additional student loan of up to around £36,000 over three years, simply to live. The meagre £5000p/y bursary doesn’t even cover fees, let alone childcare costs to put your children…
Reasons I dislike Xmas:
1. My son is dead
2. We will never have another Xmas with him
3. There isn’t a place for him at the table. If there was, he wouldn’t be at it
4. It’s our 5th time doing this. It hasn’t got easier
5. Carrying on like he isn’t dead
#bereavedmother
#childloss
‘Today, I had my chest closed’. 🌟
A PICU milestone and the beginning of the rest of his life. So we thought…
The reality of Congenital Heart Disease. Not every story has a happy ending.
#BereavedMother
#childloss
#CHD
#TomsJourney
Thankyou
@ClaireHouse
for a fabulous sibling Easter event today. The boys had a fabulous time and we both loved seeing them having so much fun. Thank you for keeping Thomas in the centre of our family through your family support and events.
#ClaireHouseChildrensHospice
…
Today, I had a moment where I questioned my integrity, my principles, and my authenticity. I challenged myself with ‘why bother’ and ‘what’s the point’ in a time of frustration & upset.
I had to step back and remind myself of who I am, and the values I own. That the right thing…
As if
#studentnurses
don’t have enough to worry about financially. Today, I got hit with a £60 parking fine at University.
I pay £30pm for a parking permit (so I do have a permit), but can’t ever get a space, so I parked on the end of a row; no yellows, no markings, not…
When memories are all you’ve got, they’re even more important…Here’s one of my absolute favourites of Thomas. Holding him, feeling the warm weight of his body in my arms. Staring into his deep brown eyes, so calm, so perfect.
#bereavedmother
#childloss
#makingmemories
#CHD
Today is
#NationalSiblingDay
. These 4 may not physically grow up together, but they will grow up knowing all about their little/big brother, and the profound positive impact that he had on our family. They talk about their brother daily and include him in day to day life of their…
Let’s do this! Another step closer to the end goal. Having a taste of working on PICU & HDU a couple of weeks back has absolutely reconfirmed that it’s the only place that I want to be. Just need to pass the AIMS exam now 🥴🤞🏻
#futurenurse
#PICUNurse
#studentnurse
#criticalcare
I first met this lovely lady in 2007, on the first day of my first career. She was one of my NQT mentors, an exceptionally experienced and talented teacher. Almost 17 years later, her now 10 years retired, me on my second career and four kids later, we still meet up every few…
6 years ago today, I kissed Thomas as he was taken to theatre, believing I’d never see him alive again. The worst moment of my life at the time.
He aced it. He was amazing. I’d never been more in awe.
Today, I looked after a cardiac child. As a nurse. All inspired by Thomas.
“Connection is why we're here; it is what gives purpose and meaning to our lives”.
It’s the energy created between people when they feel valued. When they feel heard. When they feel seen. It’s giving and receiving without judgement. It’s pure, honest, authentic, vulnerable.…
@IanByrneMP
@ClaireHouse
@ZoesPlaceLiv
I wish more people would understand exactly what happens in children’s hospices, and how they become lifelines for families of children with complex & life limiting conditions.
@ClaireHouse
has helped our family in so many ways. Please - watch this short video. It may only…
Today, 6 years ago was a VERY bad day for T and for us. It would have been the worst day of my life, if that had not come later on. Visceral memory is very real. The things that happened on 20.3.18, I can feel. Really feel. The feelings are worse than the pictures, forever etched…
@CamillaPargett1
@jen_jstephen
Thank you for sharing your story too, and it’s lovely to know that you’ve kept Stephen’s legacy going through knowing all about him x
2024 is another year that Thomas will never live in. My lifelong mission is to keep his memory alive by sharing, learning, teaching others & supporting families like mine. T changed me for the better & gave me direction. 2024 is another year of his legacy blooming
#bereavedmother
I wholeheartedly relate to all of this. We spent 3 weeks with Thomas after he died, thanks to
@ClaireHouse
. We bathed him, dressed him, got the sun on his face. We had time, made decisions. It was devastatingly beautiful.
This is what it was like spending time with our son’s dead body. He had cancer so there was nothing we could do to stop it. I think I’m posting this because many making/avoiding decisions right now haven’t held their child’s corpse.
The bullying culture of inspections needs to end. It’s damaging to staff, to pupils, to governors, to trusts. Change needs to happen now before more lives are lost.
#exteacher
#ofsted
#EnoughIsEnough
If ever inspectors act in a manner that is intimidating or inappropriate then pause the inspection, seek assistance from the union and lodge a complaint immediately.
In recent weeks we’ve done just that and addressed the situation.
No ifs or buts.
23/11/17 He was doing SO well. Weaning, expecting extubation. There was excitement, hope, & a real chance of him coming home. I could see it, it was there, within our reach. I had big plans. I had matching big & little brother Xmas outfits…
#bereavedmother
#CHD
#TomsjourneyUK
I attended this talk at
@NursingLiveUK
. I’d love to see practice facilitated in a more flexible way, as currently 2300 hrs of unpaid work, with no say of where you’re placed, is relentless.I feel students are seen as extra workers ¬ learners with individual needs
#studentnurse
#HeartMonth
day 2-Thomas:
My inspiration & strength through the toughest times. He put up more of a fight than most could even imagine. It’s my mission keep his and legacy living, which I will do in all I do, the care I give & the families I support.
#CHD
#FutureNurse
#ChildLoss
This quote has sat with me for weeks now, not leaving my head. I hate being called brave. I hate being called strong. Resilient. Stoic. All of it. It makes me feel like a fraud. I’m not any of these things - I’m just a normal person, who had no choice. A normal person, who has…
Do you know what a
#ChildrensHospice
actually does? No?Neither did I.Until my son needed one.Alongside lots of medical expertise&family support,
@ClaireHouse
provided
#Bereavement
support.Gave us a place to stay with Thomas once he’d died.Because of them,we have lifelong memories
This is no longer just a dream, but my reality and future! This is the whole reason for my change of career & I’m so excited to be a PICU nurse. I’ve got so much to give. Now, I just need 1 of my final 2 placements to be in CC for experience! 🤞🏻
#studentnurse
#PICUnurse
#NHSJobs
@leahvix
@RCNStudents
Thank you :) Too many times I’ve been dismissed, my views minimised, and my experience discarded. Personalised learning in practice does not happen for students in my experience. We’re treated as an extra body to keep up with the ward demand. This isn’t ok. My experience matters.
A heartwarming evening at
@ClaireHouse
for 'Light for Love.' This event, now a cherished tradition, marks the start of the festive season for us, keeping Thomas with us in the present. So grateful for the profound impact these moments have on families like ours
#bereavedmother
Take the opportunities, no matter how scary they are. Challenge things you don’t believe in, no matter how uncomfortable this is. Be the change. Becoming a nurse has pushed me out of all kinds of comfort zones. It’s hard. Really hard. But it’s worth it
#StudentNurse
#NHS
#UoS
@NurseStandard
Help student nurses financially. 2300 hours of unpaid work. Yes, we’re learning. But we’re also working as a HCA at the same time and without students, this work wouldn’t get done due to understaffing.
I work 37.5 hour weeks for free, but pay £280pw in nursery fees to do this.
February is
#HeartMonth
. Do you know what
#CHD
is & how it affects children & families? Will you keep scrolling as it doesn’t affect you?
Because it didn’t affect me either, until it did. This is the moment that I met my son. Not what you imagine is it. CHD doesn’t discriminate
When you’re a parent to a child with complex medical needs& your child dies, where do you belong? What is your identity?Do you still belong to the medical community you were a big part of? Should you still access the services you did? Will you ever be the old you?
#bereavedparent
I’ll never be OK with receiving cards without Thomas’ name in. He may be dead, but he still existed.He’s still one of my boys. It’s such an easy way to honour a child gone too soon-write their name.We haven’t forgotten them, so it won’t be an ‘upsetting reminder’.
#Bereavedmother
Genuine human connection is the very core of empathetic relationships in every part of life. My journey to become a paeds nurse has shown me that true connection builds trust, empowers people, and makes them feel valued and cared for, giving them a positive experience in what can…
The kids don’t remember the zoo trips, trampoline parks, beach visits, museum outings et al. of the holidays. No. Instead, they remember when Mummy thought she was still a pro, and ‘broke’ her ankle at play gym and had to go to A&E. Obviously.
#ItsNotBroken
#ED
#Gymnastics
…
I am humbled by the support and empathy offered following this post. I have read every single comment and quote, and wanted to thank every person who has reached out with kindness, shared their own stories, and offered words of solidarity. Sharing things this personal can often…
When my 6 month old son died, a huge part of me died with him. Regardless of how much time passes, this existential loss will never be any less.
What continues to shock me is how many people expect a ‘full recovery’. Expect me to have ‘moved on’. To be thinking about and feeling…
@mrbishi1875
Thank you. I hope to collaborate my experience of teaching biology with my experience of an extended PICU stay and eventual withdrawal of life support for my son, empathise with, and care for others. We can do better when we know more!
On Rare Diseases Day 2024, I’d like to raise awareness of 22q11.2 Deletion Syndrome. If you do nothing else for
#RareDiseaseDay2024
today, please give this a share…let’s
#RaiseAwareness
on todays
#LeapYear
, and get
#DiGeorgeSyndrome
out there in Thomas’ memory.
Otherwise…
‘Integrity is choosing courage over comfort; it’s choosing what’s right over what’s fun, fast, or easy; and it’s practicing your values, not just professing them.’
Fully inspired by
#BreneBrown
and can relate so much of what she writes.
#FutureNurse
#Leader
#BeTheChange
#BLAW2023
💜
The 1st time that I lit a candle for BLAW in 2014, having had my 1st and 2nd miscarriages, I’d never in a million years have believed that not too long after, I’d be lighting one for my forever 6 month old, and 8 miscarriages.
#bereavedmother
#waveoflight
#childloss
Getting out of the house this morning has involved a magic wand, a coin, one glove (absolutely not two…), a bubble wand, two hot wheels cars; specifically yellow and green, blackcurrant juice (not orange...definitely not orange), and two packets of crisps, in the back pocket of…
Another reason for leaving the profession behind… the flawed, corrupt, system which prioritises data over genuine educational quality, resulting in a culture of fear which sends teachers and leaders over the edge. It’s beyond time for change.
#ofsted
#exteacher
@RosaleenRose
To lose two…words fail me. Horrendous and not anything any parent should ever have to go through. I’m so sorry that you have to live without Avril and Shaun. I’ll bet that your support is invaluable, both to bereaved parents and to the police force. Well done for having the…
The reality of being a mature student: a financial dependant according to
#SFE
, working full time in
#NHS
hospitals for zero pay, not qualifying for
#childcare
help due to ‘means testing’. But yet
@ManCityCouncil
still haven’t applied my student 25% reduction a year later.
#skint
@nurseto_ot
It’s bloody hard going from being known & respected, to a new position where your knowledge and background aren’t understood/disregarded. I just simply don’t understand why it has to come with rudeness and distain! Good luck :)
Students pay upwards of £27,000 to train, work 37.5 hours a week, unpaid, while having to claim an additional student loan of up to around £36,000 over three years, simply to live. The meagre £5000p/y bursary doesn’t even cover fees, let alone childcare costs to put your children…
@amymannn92
I voiced my opinions, concerns, and pushed against what was expected last week. I was told that I was just a student and needed to understand the hierarchy of who I can talk to. So I pushed that too. It was uncomfortable and I think about it a lot. My experience counts too…
Through lived experience, the importance of milestones for CYP with complex needs is never to be underestimated. 6 years ago today, this milestone of Thomas’ first clothes was monumental. Every family needs these experiences & I aim to promote this in my practice
#tomsjourneyUK
Baby loss certificates won't help bereaved parents like me
I feel that there was an oversight with putting an eligibility date on baby loss certificates. While I understand this is intended to be temporary, it doesn’t minimise the feeling that those that…
Sunak’s job ad for Nursing:
Skills Required: Handholding (experience required), a calling (desirable).
Pay: gratitude and thanks, with a bonus of condescension.
Benefits: ‘being a part of something bigger than yourself’
#studentnurse
#ToryGaslighting
Still paying off my student loan 16 years later - and now I’ve just added another £36,000 to it by training to become a nurse. Given that it was £18K, 16 years ago, and I’ve earned over threshold since, I’m never going to pay it off am I?!
#studentlife
Nurses should have their student loans written off by the government if they work in the NHS for ten years, the Times Health Commission report recommends.
The RCN said tuition fees should also be abolished for nurses.
Do you agree?
If they are clothed, in clean uniform that fits, and they’ve made it to school with everything else going on in the world, we need to care for them, look after them, teach them. Not confront them, challenge them, and make them feel unworthy. As an ex-secondary teacher of 16…
Recently I talked to a young person who told me about starting secondary school. We were lined up, she said, and our uniform was inspected. I had never been in trouble at primary school but they said my shoes were wrong. There was a coloured stitch around the heel.
She got a…
Today in parenting: "Why don't we put our heads in the oven, George?”. Not a sentence I’d ever expected to use. Middle children do come with unique personalities!
#wildchild
#mumofboys
#fouryearolds
#parenting
@TerriLi70661137
Sorry for the loss of your brother. Amazing that you kept his legacy live by knowing him, and sharing him now. And through naming your son in memory of both him and your dad. My third child (first after T), has Thomas as his middle name x
@linda_dunion
This is a perspective I hadn’t considered, thank you for adding this as I’ll take this forward in many different ways. I always use died/death/dead. Anything else I don’t feel does it justice. I totally understand why people want to soften it with phrases like ‘passed away’, but…