Please could you assist?

If I had a nickel for every time a very old major leader had died immediately after meeting a far-right conservative while Trisha paytas was pregnant I'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it's happened twice

sorry NOT sorry

sorry my nose gets wet like a dog in the winter because of my septum ring do you still think im hot

you look like you’re gutted about Edinburgh’s Hogmanay (derogatory)

hi girlies - https://t.co/pU00m2LP7B for any future correspondence pls xoxox

the most exciting part of euros final day is waiting for the absolutely 10/10 discount code that asos will inevitably drop

imagine asking him to scan a QR code to look at a menu

Did she????

I don’t like who I become when I’m around a cheese board. Very greedy and competitive

There's nothing like a fresh bin bag in the bin is there, lads? And you drop a piece of rubbish in there and it goes right down to the bottom? Lovely stuff

Every eighteen year old in the country has to spend one weekend a month helping to run co-op live.

my new thing is having 3-5 glasses of wine and Replying

Reaction in the arena

how is this not making WORLDWIDE headlines ?????? we are witnessing an actual documented genocide how is the entire world not outraged ????

Me kicking an ice cube under the fridge: 🫤 The tiny people under the fridge that live off of them: God has blessed us once more! The famine is over! Man holding his dying child: Please, my son needs first call! Snarling merchant: Your family’s had their time on the cube!

In America, a functioning alcoholic is someone who drinks 2 glasses of wine on a Friday evening. In the U.K., it’s someone who drinks 4 bottles of Pernot and wakes up on the central reservation of the M6.