Ben
@defenestr8rboi
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Single father to world’s silliest puppy | 🏳️🌈🗽
New York, USA
Joined May 2022
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Last Seen Profiles
Let’s be honest, some of you would fucking love this
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Travis Kelce has to be first person to have his reputation *improved* when we found his tweets from ten years ago
Ooo Girl!! Shock me like an electric eal!!! Haha MGMT-Electric Feel has been playing in my head all day!
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After 29 years on this earth, I have finally finished an entire chap stick without losing it. Please clap.
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Me: “Seems bad that King Charles is ill, his wife is unpopular, and his heir is up to some problematic shit”
2020’s guy: “yeah”
1680’s guy: “yeah”
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Tonight, we meet Jesus
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Rural gays 🤝 eclipse fans
Travelling unreasonably far for the chance to see a hole for four minutes
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Think we have our answer!
🚨 NEW: Rishi Sunak does not eat anything for 36 hours at the start of each week which his allies say is a testament to his “determination” as PM
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@thetimes
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Gay, Italian, and done in two minutes? Yeah, I know that guy
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You, a fool, pay $3 to rent the episode of Drag Race.
I, a wise man, spend $48 on vodka-sodas while watching it for free at the bar.
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The older I get, the less I find myself tempted by twinks, and the more I find myself enticed by “he looks like he shows up to things on time”
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How can you say cooking is hard, when I whipped this delicious lil dinner up in 30 seconds?
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I have to share a really important update about Dollarita Guy
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@CircleCityGay
Her in 2011: “You kept me like a secret / and I kept you like an oath”
Him in 2011: “I hate squirrels SMH”
It’s honestly really cute
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“New York-New Jersey” is kinda like “Judeo-Christian”: if you’re using it, we know actually talking about the second thing
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All of the girls and all of the gays got jumpscared when Aaron Samuels turned around, and looked like…this
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France has had a gay PM for less than a week, and theatre is already mandatory ✊🏳️🌈
🔴 EN DIRECT
Emmanuel Macron annonce que «le théâtre deviendra un passage obligé au collège l’année prochaine»
➡️
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Gay people are like “she saved my life” and it’s just this cunty cow who wears photos of herself as earrings
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Getting on a Boeing plane is a fun little lottery: if you win, you get a juicy structured settlement from the airline; if you lose, you land safely in Cleveland.
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She might have been onto something
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Dad, I *swear* this is why I was googling “frat kiss” on the family computer
A fraternal kiss between a Soviet major and an American staff sergeant at a feast in Germany, 1945
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Wanna hear something embarrassing? I’ve only had sex with three people this year
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Lots of tourists think this was named for Queen Elizabeth II. But real Londoners know it was named after Elizabeth Truss.
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Being a spy must be awful. Imagine living in DC and not being able to talk about your job 24/7
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Columbia drops SAT scores to focus on more equitable metrics like whether you were on the rowing team
Columbia becomes first Ivy League school to permanently drop SAT/ACT testing requirement
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@_sn_n
This truly has the worst of urban living (limited space and crowding) and the worst of rural living (nothing to do)
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I had been meaning to ask him if he’s a bottom. But then he sent me a three-minute Voice Note, so I think I have the answer
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Exactly.
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“My son can’t possible be gay, he’s obsessed with a woman”
The woman:
“My son can’t be gay. He’s obsessed with women.”
The women:
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Every time I see a gay guy go to the bathroom in an airplane, I have to wonder if he’s taking his shirt off in there
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This might be a dumb question, but how Sri Lanka get all those Roman coins?
A Map of the Distribution of Roman Coins Found in Eurasia and North Africa.
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Today I had sex with another man, sang along to an entire Taylor Swift album, and booked flights to Palm Springs.
But I’ll still never feel the same-sex attraction that Elon fanboys feel for Elon 😞
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You can kiss a hundred boys in bars. But you should start with this one.
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@ikisnick
We need a thread of all the Dutch sentences that are completely comprehensible to English speakers
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The cool thing about flying Business Class is how much more space you get in the bathroom
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Old people will say “I’m on a fixed income”, and like what the fuck do you think the rest of us are on?
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I have four weddings this year, and zero boys to take as my plus one
SINGLEEE TWITTER 👀🤔 where y'all at drop a picture i'll start .....
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Crime is only up in New York because our Mayor commits about 26 crimes a day
Overall NYC crime hit levels unseen in two decades last year even as Mayor Adams claims it’s a ‘perception problem’
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Please check on your bisexual friends this Saturday. There’s no way they’ll survive seeing Jacob and Renée at the same time
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Twinks will straight-up go to gates of hell if they think they can get a good pic out of it
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Mayor Adams, on one benefit of outdoor dining:
"You’re looking to date. You may drive by. You may see eye candy sitting down somewhere, you may want to park and come and slip them your number. Come have fun, man. Outdoor dining is the way to go."
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Online shopping is hard, because I can never tell if I want to buy the shirt or if I’m just into the model
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If you enjoyed 737 bathroom lighting, might I introduce you to hotel bathroom lighting?
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We need to raise rates until this car dealership goes out of business
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What’s that picture that makes you say “wow, I’m so pretty!!”
👀👀
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@nikicaga
I like that they think it’s still a strike when you tell your work it’s a sick day
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Stop being mean to Josh. It’s a really classy bottle of wine. 😤
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@kneadingrainbow
My hatred for the Prime Minister knows no bounds
(but MI-5, if you’re reading this, I’m joking)
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Tie between this one and my pinned
screw your best chest pic, quote this with your favorite leg pic of 2023
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Behind every man is a twink who will ruin his life
🚨 BREAKING: Rishi Sunak's former special adviser is plotting to remove him as prime minister
Will Dry, who conducted polling for Sunak and quit in November last year, is working with a secretive group of 20 former advisers and MPs to force Sunak out
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Me at 21
Taking a little snooze after a busy morning of demontwink activities
Me at 21
I have such a distinct memory of choosing this outfit and thinking "I'm going to look like Joseph Gordon Levitt in 500 days of summer" 😭
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@computer_gay
We need an alcohol-free queer space for adults with no friends to meet each other
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Dad, can you please stop taking slutty pictures, and just take me for a walk?
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This is what my Instagram grid looks like, so it’s honestly safer to just open Grindr in public
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If you aren’t following my alt, you’re only getting half the story 😘
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@dgschell
Porn or nudity. But then you turn a queer space into a gay-sex space, which isn’t great for every queer person
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