daniel brottman 🪷
@danielbrottman
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undying love, the only response to omni-dying life || music, buddhism, psychedelics || DMs open, 1:1 meditation guidance by donation or free
nomad arc, USA edition
Joined December 2012
i love my heart so much. i love being in my heart. i love real authentic feeling. i love when the guards come down. i love when caring is just there. i love meeting myself there. finding myself there. there i am, i've always been. oh how i want to live there, there, there.
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might run an experiment where i do so for 4 or 8 weeks and see how it goes.
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craving another long retreat but won't be able to do one till at least january - wondering tho if i might scratch the itch by devoting one day a week to getting 6 hrs of practice.
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noticing when i judge people, i feel less safe, in turn. not always sure how to stop though.
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chopin and lily boulanger also come readily to mind.
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man scriabin died at 43 - another one who was only middle aged but had already developed a late style. hard to argue mozart or schubert wouldn't be "first pick" for a composer to gift 40 more years to perhaps but damn, what would scriabin have given us.
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wake up babe new lysander account just dropped @10chabard.
want a job at x corporation so i can give lysander (@10chabard) back @8chabard and @9chabard then immediately quit.
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RT @MarvinKeilbach: A potential problem of ANY psychological or spiritual approach is that it closes the doors to completely independent co….
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anyway i'm planning on teaching it again later this year (oct/nov?), but not to convince myself i can accomplish things.
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accomplishing something (teaching a meditation class for 8 weeks) has not been submitted as evidence to the part of me that asks "why can i never accomplish anything".
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when are they finally gonna drop a collab, is all i'm saying.
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telling myself i don't need to have it figured out, just stay in the moment and stay alive to shifting desires and opportunities, telling myself that trying to have everything planned out is silly anyway - none of this seems to convince the part that is ashamed and afraid.
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i feel like i still don't have a clear picture of my "dreams," eg specifically what work i want to accomplish, what lifestyle i want to have, what kind of relationship style i want etc, and i feel shame about this and fear that it makes me unattractive as a potential partner.
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@veggiebat_ i remember towards the end of your travel ~year saying "it has to end somewhere" and sort of understanding what you meant, but it makes even more sense to me now.
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i knew it would take a big effort to change the momentum from householder to nomad, but what i didn't expect is that there is also a momentum to nomading and it will take a big effort to stop again, too.
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may all ur moots QT you.
Metta for bangers tweets. may you be liked.may you be replied to.may you escape containment.may you live in minds rent free.
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i feel like i'm trying to keep too many friendships alive and i don't know how to keep caring about all of them. it shouldn't actually be a finite resource to care about different ppl so why do i feel tapped out?. starting to feel like i want to live in a small town.
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🎹.
@ReneeSolana "vignt regards sur l'enfant jesus" by olivier messiaen is an ecstatic and deeply devotional 2 hour meditation on the divine for solo piano, written in 1944. it's one of my very favorite pieces of music. i recommend the pierre-laurent aimard recording.
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RT @lumpfished: Met @calistan_ yesterday and we hung out for a while :) It was wonderful! We have so much in common it’s uncanny. Hoping fo….
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