Dana Beers
@danabeers
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@barstoolsports | ig: danabeers
NYC | BOS
Joined May 2009
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“Brock Purdy is being a huge pussy”
-me, 7 beers deep eating bagel bites on my couch
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You know those idiots on planes who get in the aisle as soon as u land and try to get off the plane first even if they’re seated behind you? I just told one of them to wait their turn. They were stunned. They even apologized. Pretty sure somebody thanked me. That was exhilarating
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Well yeah they’re in the fucking NBA dude
Your average NBA player will destroy anyone at an open gym.
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I spent 267 dollars on an outfit to go out in Dallas and I talked to zero girls
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I have a big family group chat and my grandpa doesn’t understand how to use the like or love buttons. Instead he types it out himself. A legend
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Got seated next to a very attractive girl on my flight and she just asked me if I play basketball since I’m tall. Uhhhh 25 points and 15 rebounds against Norwell in 2011 ever fuckin heard about it?
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Might fuck around and find the closest Olive Garden and take down a couple thousand breadsticks tonight
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Did anyone else used to play the NASCAR PlayStation game and turn the car around on like the third lap and cause a 40 car pileup and then quit? That shit was electric
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Apparently playing very normal defense is called being put in a blender now
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I cannot stop saying “that’ll play” when I hit a golf shot that just simply isn’t good whatsoever
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I love playing pickup basketball with hockey players. Absolute grinders. Just ripping offensive boards and missing layups while wearing a backwards hat
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Vegas trip update 1: I told the TSA rep my suitcase has beers in them and that hopefully they don’t explode. He told me to never say that word in an airport ever again
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Pissed myself last night. First time in six months. Not back
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Not too worried Portnoy. I win
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6 pack??? For how many smooth and refreshing Bud Lights I’ve yugged in the past week I was hoping for AT LEAST a 30 rack!
Easily the ugliest cans we’ve ever created. Reach your goal and we’ll make a 6-pack for you.
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I’m honest and transparent on Twitter. So I have to come clean. I accidentally had a beer in my backpack as I was going through airport security. TSA asked me if I wanted to drink it or throw it out. I panicked and said throw it out. I will take some time to reflect and recover
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Accidentally Venmo’d the wrong person 300 dollars. Guy won’t budge. Won’t send me my money back or answer me. Venmo customer service not helping. This random fella is running mental marathons around me. He is the captain now
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This fuckin guy thinks I’m on the Packers😂😂😂
@mccupup
@DanaBeers_
What does that have to do with playing for an NFL franchise, sitting at a basketball game, pounding beers on the big screen? I thought athletes who make a boat load of money would set a better example. Gee dad when l go to college can l pound beers like that Packer player?
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I can only do so many Alone Beers. I will never take Friend Beers for granted ever again
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Got 4 “hahahaha” responses from something I said in a group chat. That’s huge. Today’s my fucking day. This is my weekend. 2022 is going to be my year
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Didn’t wanna pay this clown any attention but then I realized I need to keep making this company literally millions of dollars
Hey
@DanaB_Number3
think because you chug a few bud lights, sell a few shirts and fly my ex girlfriend to NYC you’re big time pal? How about we get after it at the next rough and rowdy?
#ZillionBeers
#zillyzilly
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I have a very humble brag. I was at the airport yesterday and Ryan from The Office was next to me. Some bro comes up to me and says “hey thats Ryan from The Office” and proceeds to ask for a photo with me instead. Ryan from The Office was bewildered. Pretty fuckin sick for me
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Guess who ordered 11 McGriddles to the wrong address at 4:27 AM on Uber Eats and fell asleep
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Huge news.
@stoolpresidente
came up to my desk and asked me to stand up to see how fat I was. Verdict was “you don’t look that fat. You look the same”
I’m fucking back
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BREAKING NEWS: Dana B and Zillion Beers now owns Friday Beers
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Shut the fuck the up Darren
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I have a bachelor party in Scottsdale this weekend. Waste Management Open + Super Bowl. I am going to drink every single beer in the state of Arizona
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You just hate to see the McDonald’s delivery on the front steps that you ordered at 2 am and passed out and forgot about
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Just had a devastating hotel check-in
Lady asks for a name for check-in. Tell her “Dana”. She goes “she needs to be with you in order to check in.”
Me: “Who?”
Her: “Dana. She needs to be here”
Me: “I am Dana.”
Her: “Oh.”
Tough one heading into the weekend boys. Rattled.
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I’ve been in the south almost two months now. Just dropped my first ever “y’all”. Didn’t do it consciously. Just kinda happened mid conversation with a hotel manager. Felt natural as fuck. This is a huge step in my development as a young southern gentleman. I’m fired the fuck up
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I was joking at first but now I legit don’t think I can ever leave Balcony Bed
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All my buddies are getting married and buying houses and shit and I’m still peeing my pants from drinking on the weekends
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Tag me you cowards
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I don’t know what’s funnier.
@DeionSanders
texting my mom merry Christmas at 7:49 AM or my mom having him as Mr Sanders in her phone
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Need to get absolutely buckled in this cloud with the boys
Scientists have discovered a giant cloud of alcohol – 1,000 times larger than the diameter of our solar system – floating in space.
Enough to fill 400 trillion-trillion pints of beer.
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If
#ZillionBeers
merch hits 1m in sales, I get 100k. I will donate 15k of that 100 to
@AndrewFrates_
and the Frates Family Foundation. Proceeds go towards ALS patients’ caretaking bills. For the
#ZillionChallenge
I nominate
@TomBrady
and
@stoolpresidente
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After 6 long, grueling months, I’ve finally found the college I’m going to root for for the rest of my life
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Flight attendant asked the exit row passengers for their verbal yes if they can help in case of emergency. Dude in my row said “sure”. Flight attendant says “I need a yes”. Dude said sure again. Back and forth 3 times til the guy finally said yes. Absolutely electrifying standoff
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Day drinking is 10000 zillion times better than night drinking. I’m considering becoming strictly a day drinker. Although I do like to reward myself on Friday nights. And there’s nothing better than a good Saturday night rally after a Saturday day drink nap. So never mind
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I cannot stop embracing the southern gentleman mentality. I am literally addicted to saying sir and ma’am and holding doors for people and having good manners and eating fried chicken
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We have another angle of the Horns Down and I’ll admit… this was kinda mean
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My mother who is from Massachusetts has spent the week teaching in Philadelphia
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Waitress handed me my appetizer and said “here you go big daddy”. I cannot make this stuff up boys. I am on fucking fire
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I don’t know what my mom just hit me with but it has me rethinking my whole life
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I’m having the weekend of my life but let me take a second to tell you guys that a simple google search told me this kids baseball team went 14-24 last season behind his 0 home runs and 14 RBIs. I don’t have time for contact hitters. Hit a dinger then chirp me, pussy
It’s actually embarrassing how badly they’re trying to compete with
@Friday_Beers
Friday Beers>>>>>>>>Zillion Beers
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Nothing worse than waking up to your drunken McDonald’s order hanging from your door handle. This happens to me far too often
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Drinking vodka waters. That usually translates to chain smoking cigs and pissing the bed. Let’s see how it plays out
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It is official. I am sleeping at Stu Feiner’s house tonight
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I don’t care if nobody’s awake right now. Mission accomplished
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The zoom out to Stu boxing the air 😂😂😂😂😂😂
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Bought 9 Pro v1s today. Lost 9 pro v1s today. Just stick with the fuckin Noodles pal
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A lot of people tagging me in this saying this guy is a lot cooler than me and I would like to set the record straight that he is A LOT fucking cooler than me
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Woj was just sitting first class on my flight. Thought about asking if he had any Woj bombs. Realized I can’t say that word. Good call by me
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My college wants me to present to a marketing class about being a marketing genius. Do I tell them I had a 2.3 GPA in college?
#CsGetDegrees
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Guy next to me at the 16th just ordered 9 Miller lites. He’s locked in
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This brought a tear to my eye. Beer tweets for everybody! (I’m 29)
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The flight I’m on is overbooked and they just offered one person 1500 dollars and a hotel stay tonight to switch to a 7 AM flight tomorrow. Feel like the people in the war room at Delta are just playing with their draft capital. Thats an absolute haul
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Some dude just stopped me on the street and asked if I was the guy with a mattress on a balcony. These are the moments you dream of as a young kid
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