Chris Fleming
@chrisfluming
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you can watch my new special Hell out on Peacock now
Los Angeles, CA
Joined June 2011
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still haven’t fully recovered from what my Airbnb host texted me
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books could be 20 pages if they didn’t describe the woods
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elon musk’s twitter journey is very jack skellington trying to do christmas
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realized I haven’t learned anything new in so long cause I haven’t hung out with someone’s new boyfriend
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ah the terror of being around a dad trying and failing to do a task
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you know you’re driving bad when they wanna take a look at you
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several years ago I threw my sister an engagement party and I wanted to make it special
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i love on jeopardy when some older scholar who’s been nailing questions about Pompeii and aeronautics also whips out “who is spongebob squarepants” no hesitation
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I’m not gonna pretend to know anything about crypto but I do know that all my most unreliable friends whose advice I follow the opposite of are very very into it
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what kate bush is gonna buy with all that stranger things money
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4 mikes hard lemonades are stronger than any psychedelic
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when pasta needs a little bit of the water it was cooked in to feel comfortable...I don’t understand the chemistry but I understand the feeling 🥰
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the phantom of the opera trying to dock his boat during the winter months
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my octopus teacher: the incredible true story of a man wasting an octopus’s time
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I stand before you looking like an american girl doll left out in the rain
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why does everyone tell me I look like the man who ruins ponyo’s life
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unleashed dachshund just zoomed by my window, an incredible omen
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radio DJs oversharing who they’re filling in for and why
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Don’t mind me
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is there anything grosser than a restaurant owned by two brothers
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imagine how tirelessly beyonce's PR team has been working to make us forget her role in austin powers 3 goldmember
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can poets stop living symbolically for one god damn SECOND
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last summer we shot the pilot for a show called I’m the Mayor of Bimmi Gardens in which I play the mayor of a town off the coast of Florida (but technically a territory of Maine) with some incredible people
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hey when you meet my boyfriend would you pretend to not know that semi charmed kinda life is about meth? it'd mean a lot to him to be the one to tell you
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still feeling a blunt nausea from La La Land setting up emma stone’s friend group like it was gonna be pivotal and then doing nothing with them after they uberpooled to that networking event
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have this recurring invasive thought of thanking Sully after he landed the plane in the Hudson the same way you’d thank any pilot when you get off
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had boba too late absolutely buzzing, blasting tori amos ordering XS shirts online
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twitter, once a haven for the socially undercooked to flirt, will now be a dark haven for ice bath men who eat things that make them sick
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was told by my sleeping mate that I woke up in the night "looking for DePiglio." NOT GOOD
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is this some kind of isthmus? you gotta turn this off I gotta go home
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new AdventureTime out today folks I’m this toxic lizard 😌
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very honored to be a part of this lovely lovely lovely show out may 20 😈
Start frying up your bacon pancakes! 🥓 🥞
#AdventureTime
: Distant Lands –
#TogetherAgain
streaming May 20 on HBO Max.
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