Christopher Hooks
@cd_hooks
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Journalist in Austin. Let me explain something to you, Walsh. This business requires a certain amount of finesse.
Austin — [email protected]
Joined August 2011
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“white boy summer” was an early rejected name for the great gatsby
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Just talked to a pharmacist in the panhandle who’s currently watching 30 doses of the vaccine go bad because they can’t find enough “eligible” recipients. We had a year to figure this out
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historians are gonna be baffled that a country this stupid landed on the moon
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AMERICAN WHO BECOMES MORE PHYSICALLY ACTIVE WHILE TRAVELING: hey, I think the donuts at home are tainted
So, I’ve been eating this for breakfast every morning in Italy for about nine days and I’ve lost 3 pounds.
The food in America is just poison.
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Texas, meet your king. Your gentle, titty-loving king.
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Had to get my car towed. Driver told me that his 26-year-long wife, who he’d known since high school, died in the cold during the 2021 winter blackout. Im never going to stop being angry about that week, and the lack of accountability that followed
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Some 150-200 people at a BLM rally in Vidor, an East Texas town that’s infamously associated with racism and the Klan
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Am I wrong or didn’t “doxing” used to mean dumping a person’s address, phone number, job, family members, contact info of close relations, ssn, etc. on the internet? When did it become “here is this person’s name?”
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Can’t believe that we invented an entirely new class of vaccine and got it to market in under a year after billions of dollars and superhuman scientific effort and we’re doing a third wave anyway
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this looks like a 2002 Nintendo GameCube release called like “World Baby”
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Fetterman must look absolutely insane to Diane Feinstein. Imagine if an ogre in gym shorts just started showing up at your work place and you never remember meeting him
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can’t emphasize enough how much it distorts public policy that only the craziest people show up for open meetings
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Greg Abbott posts a fake item from the “Dunning Kruger Times” written by “Flagg Eagleton - Patriot”
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it's just so draining that the plan is 2-3k deaths indefinitely where other high-income countries have kicked this. not the worst case scenario, the *plan*
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I have some bad news for the President about south Texas
Trump told G7 leaders over dinner that Crimea Is Russian because everyone there speaks Russian
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there's a huge perception gap right now between what people with professional work-from-home jobs are feeling right now and what's actually happening to the american economy
The state police said it will be an 8 hour wait from the back of the line to speak to a state employee about unemployment.
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Before COVID my cousin had a three-hour daily commute. Now he sees his kids every day. You have to be bone-thick to ask this question
Malcolm Gladwell slams working from home: 'What have you reduced your life to?'
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I get why folks are saying "it's not funny, but" to the president splattering the walls of his office with his burger and trying to wrestle his car away from the secret service but: you can say it. it's funny. it's really, really funny.
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It is very, very funny that we spent a week discussing Joe Rogan’s endorsement of Bernie Sanders during the primary and then the party invited Colin Powell to the convention
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It’s time to say it: Jose Canseco was right
Make no mistake Brexit will crater the UK into recession and the pound will do a 25% faceplant. Capital will flee like its pants are on fire
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season 9 is about Arya’s tobacco plantation in Virginieros
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the shock and anger with which they’ve come down on Cawthorn for this vs. every other breach of decorum leads me to conclude, with a very heavy heart, that the orgies are real
NEWS: McCarthy says he told Madison Cawthorn during a meeting today that the freshman has lost his trust and he needs to take steps to turn his life around, or else there could be consequences.
Also says Cawthorn admitted his orgy & cocaine allegations were exaggerated/untrue.
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talk about "cancel culture" all you want, but there are some things a person shouldn't be able to come back from, and using police violence as a tool to keep racial minorities in line is one of them. yes, i'm talking about rahm emanuel
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feels like we need to have a public discussion about what ‘roid use looks like
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a cool thing about the last few years is that the U.S. became the leading exporter of the intellectual machinery of western fascism and one of the leading domestic debates about it is whether undergrads are treating the people behind it politely enough
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Strange phenomenon today where kids are calling their members of congress about an issue that affects them, like they say to do in schoolhouse rock, and everyone is calling them braindead morons
He also said banning TikTok would infringe on his “First Amendment rights — or Bill of Rights — I don’t know, I I don’t know, I just took a test on that today, bro.”
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the fact that she didnt quit was sort of the problem, actually
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firmly believe that if you rounded up random adults off the street, gave them a gun and gave them the opportunity to stop a school shooting, even without training, a significant number would try it
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it's astonishing that we're alive. so much of human history turns on psychopathy and delusion. tonight a hot dog vendor with a private army is starting a totally doomed rebellion in a country with 6,000 nuclear warheads. turn it over to the orcas imo
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so happy CNN polled this, which i expect will surprise a lot of people
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SpaceX elected to build this launch site in the middle of a one-of-its-kind preserve for migratory sea birds, some of which travel thousands of miles to lay eggs there
Getting reports from multiple people now of “particulates” raining down in areas of Port Isabel after the nearby explosion of the SpaceX rocket stack Starship/Superheavy, 4 minutes after liftoff this morning from Boca Chica in the Rio Grande Valley.
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the nation now waits for black or white smoke to emerge from the Tucson hot topic where Kirsten Sinema has entered into occultation
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Meghan McCain says her dad’s legacy shouldn’t be used as a tool to get ahead. intriguing
On behalf of the entire McCain family -
@amyklobuchar
please be respectful to all of us and leave my fathers legacy and memory out of presidential politics.
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In Texas, you have to swear to the state you support the occupation of the West Bank before you can sell your local school district office supplies
Our founders designed a system that treated citizens as more than just children. Our grand experiment is designed for a free people. Yes, that entails risk. Yes, I’ll take risk and freedom over a paternalistic government any day.
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white nationalists say they want a world full of unitary ethnostates in which everybody goes "home" and stays there, and they're doing it by championing the cause of white farmers in Africa
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You know who else made a series of increasingly erratic and costly decisions, exacerbated by his insistence on middle-managing, while fucked up on amphetamine?
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Coup or not, the executive branch today encouraged a militia to attack the seat of the legislative branch and threaten the physical safety of Congress. it's the most alarming thing to happen to the country's constitutional order in 150 years
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one of the things about being at war for 18 years is eventually nobody remembers what it was about and you can kinda just say whatever
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Matt Gaetz marrying his dad so they don’t have to testify against each other
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this is word-for-word what segregationists used to say about integration
.
@SRuhle
since you seem to care more about Twitter snark than facts, how about this: let’s admit an unlimited number of refugees as long as they live in your fancy apartment building & your rich Manhattan neighborhood. Planet Earth thanks you for your virtue-signaling.
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twitter has reached its highest potential in the ability to watch its owner cope, in real time, with having made a $44 billion mistake in the same tone I would take if I had drunkenly bought a jet ski
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the funniest thing about this admin is that the most competent and least corrupt cabinet secretary appears to be rick perry
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Asked if Plan B is an adequate option for women who have been raped, Abbott mumbles an answer and then says that Texas will provide “prenatal vitamins.” Cool!
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we don't talk enough about the Irony Gap that divides our country
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buying sneakers made in a northern mariana islands sweatshop thousands of miles away in order to burn them in your backyard because you're mad at black people is the most american empire thing i can think of
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watergate is such a strong part of the public consciousness because it has a modestly happy ending, whereas iran-contra is a hundred times more revealing about power in America and it’s hardly ever told
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it does not bode well for the Republican Party that the donor class and activist base sanctified a Successor over the course of two years and several weeks of donald calling him "meatball ron" reduced him to nervous tears and chapter 11 bankruptcy
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hello folks—baby here. goo goo, ga ga. i've decided to come out with my first political opinion. have a look:
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it kills me that there was not one major GOP official who thought, man, maybe I should sit this one out until we know more
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we need to bring back trickster gods. monotheism is ok as far as it goes but it would be a lot better if it was mono and a half theism and the half was a little guy with a flute who steals stuff
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Ilhan Omar was wrong to say that the 9/11 hijackers were “some guys.” She should have said that they were predominantly Saudi, with documented ties to that country’s intelligence apparatus
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it’s vine, man. they remade vine. to make money
"TikTok is not just China’s revenge for the century of humiliation between the Opium Wars and Mao’s revolution. It is the opium — a digital fentanyl, to get our kids stoked for the coming Chinese imperium."
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Since people are asking, the reason tubing is included in the governor's order is that Texas rivers can look like this on the weekends, and the counties where this happens have seen spikes. Why this and not movie theaters, though, I couldn't tell you
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Classic Donnie-that quintessential Donald Trump stuff we love to love–to get every Republican elected official on the record calling the FBI the gestapo and then get caught with bunch of diagrams labeled “nuclear aircraft carrier exhaust port–fatal flaw (valuable secret)”
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also we had to stop at intersection to make way for a SWAT convoy on its way to an active shooter situation. things are going great here!
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now that he's gone, we can admit: perhaps the greatest poster of all time
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Right after Hiroshima, the Allies put Germany's top nuclear scientists in a mansion and secretly taped their conversations after they learned about the bomb. Really chilling stuff
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by far the best subplot of the Trump administration is that we keep getting hints of extraterrestrial activity and everybody’s too busy to care
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im not saying the saudis false flagged their own tankers but you are talking about a guy so bloodthirsty and audacious he fed a wapo columnist into a meat grinder in his own embassy in daylight while his fiance was waiting outside. ok, i guess i am saying that
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looking forward to being killed by an autonomous car because a hater repeatedly uploaded my photo to an image processing database with the tag "trash can"
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all you
#resistance
dweebs talking shit about texas can eat my shorts, the president is from manhattan, breitbart is from LA, and both of their state governments are towering palaces of structural racism and economic inequality and pain
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i don't believe in hell, but stephen miller is going to hell
Hundreds like Renard Oliver and his baby now have to get off the ferry from Freeport, Bahamas to Florida. He was trying to evacuate — told he could leave with Bahamian passport and police record like normal but then ferry crew says US Goverment called and changed plan last minute
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really beautiful metaphor for modern policing
The EPS' $500k armoured vehicle in action. Dealing with an intruder in
@CJDwriter
's home it rammed through her fence and then got stuck on a tree stump, spewing transmission fluid everywhere, which you can see. It then had to be towed away.
#yegcc
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a pinkerton shot a man dead in denver? wait till president hayes hears about this
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as with every viral tweet, people are taking the wrong message, so let me clarify that this is not the pharmacist’s fault. It’s the fault of the people who planned or failed to plan for how this was going to work over the last nine months
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In these conditions, Beto would have beat Cornyn. Should have run.
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sincere and hearty congratulations to congressional democrats for not caving on a thing under pressure for the first time in probably 50 years. feels good doesnt it
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boy the theranos doc is pretty average, huh? separately, i don't know why this never seems to come up and i've dedicated myself to telling those not in the know: her dad was a VP at Enron
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sasha baron cohen's thing is very funny when he's doing it to people who hold power and extremely tedious when he's testing normal people's willingness to be kind. they feel like completely different shows
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it's so funny to me that the white house's defense on this stuff is so often "these people we hired are horrible goblins, only an idiot would trust them"
Omarosa will clearly say anything to make a buck. It’s obvious that no one should believe a word she says.
#OmarosaUnhinged
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elon musk's thai cave submarine is... absurd. it doesn't make any goddamn sense
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i'm hearing now that MS-13 is melting down the Charlottesville Lee statue and replacing it with one of Clipse
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Elon Musk, during the margin call: You're thinking of this place all wrong. As if I had the money back in a safe. The money's not in Tesla. Your money's in Catturd2’s posts... And in Goku1488’s posts, and FortniteFuhrer's posts, and millions of others
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my name is jim comey, and as you know from my career, my sense of political timing and probability is unimpeachable
Democrats, please, please don’t lose your minds and rush to the socialist left. This president and his Republican Party are counting on you to do exactly that. America’s great middle wants sensible, balanced, ethical leadership.
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The Navy spent $22.5 billion to build three ships for fire support whose guns don’t work because no ammunition is available for them, and maybe never will be
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The Texas House no longer has a quorum. Democrats have left the floor in order to kill the omnibus elections bill.
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kavanaugh should have been doa from the moment we found out he had racked up huge amounts of what may be gambling debt, had it wiped out shortly before his nomination, and then preposterously claimed it was from "baseball tickets" and the fact that it got this far is astonishing
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you kinda have to respect the way that JJ Abrams, one man, ruined *both* star wars and star trek for a generation. the man hates nerds and he lives by his convictions.
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ah good, the guy who just accidentally did a Harlem shake video with a pizzagater is on the case
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leaving the girls at the bar to go home and watch a craft services tycoon try to overthrow Russia
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proud to see gen z start dunking on us. the kids are alright
@solikebasically
Millennials are deadass so annoying I’ve literally never seen anything as self righteous as this tweet. Just over-tip and go, sis.
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it looks like a credit card ad (for clowns)
the dance of freedom. the death bells. the rising of the joker.
one of the most magnificent, sublime, monumental, extraordinary scenes in cinema history
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the double whammy of kicking Omar off the committee because she’s Muslim is that she’s more vocally critical of the arab/gulf dictatorships than just about anybody in Congress
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I know this is very, very well covered territory but George Lucas’ decision to add 1997 pc game-quality cgi to his 1977 movie is one of the funniest creative decisions ever made
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this is a bar that opened up a few years ago in a neighborhood that used to have a lot of black owned businesses
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it really cannot be said enough that everything that is going wrong with the country's response to the virus stems directly from our inability or unwillingness to supply test kits, which is a core federal responsibility and was utterly bungled
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jeff flake isn't gonna take this lightly. jeff flake is gonna frown really really hard when he votes to confirm
This is sickening. No one should make light of this situation.
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“I love you, but I would love you more,” Ted Nugent tells the audience at Trump’s rally, “if you went out and just went berserk on the skulls of the Democrats and the marxists and the communists.” “Evil” must be “stamped out.”
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