So sad. All those muscles & he can still be beaten by paper.

Writer, actor and top woman @bronactitley has adapted Brian Helgeland’s 2001 medieval action comedy A Knight’s Tale for the stage. It opens at Manchester Opera House this Friday, so @MicksterNoonan got Brona to chat the whys, the hows, and the horses. https://t.co/Sjs5dy2HLQ

I haven’t been on here much because *gestures at everything* but I REALLY want you to know how funny, joyous & captivating #AKnightsTaleTheMusical is going to be. Rehearsals are just incredible… GET BOOKING MANCHESTER! ⚔️⚒️⚔️

🗣️ “A choice between heating and eating isn't really a choice at all.” It is time to end hunger and hardship. We're joining @jrf_uk and @TrussellUK in calling on the UK Government to make sure Universal Credit covers the cost of the essentials we need to survive.

This is one of the best shows I've ever seen. SAY NOTHING, based on the incredible book by @praddenkeefe, is mini-series storytelling at its best. Don't wait. All episodes drop today on @FXNetworks on @hulu.

It’s SAY NOTHING release day! So I can finally SAY SOMETHING about how I’m in it 😜 This is an extraordinary drama, spanning 4 decades of the Troubles in Northern Ireland. I pop up in a couple of wee scenes in ep 7, but you HAVE to watch this amazing show x #SayNothing

Why do novelists think ambiguous endings are the one? Oh yes I just invested in your character for 600 pages, do you know what I’d love? Absolutely no closure

In an ideal scenario the President of the United States and the worst person in the world would be two different people.

Word of the day is ‘recrudescence’ (17th century): the return of something terrible after a time of reprieve.

Are you okay babe? You haven’t even posted “STAY IN LINE! If you’re in line when the polls close you can still vote!” to the absolute zero Americans who follow you

Are you okay babe? You haven’t even posted “Don’t forget to vote!” to your predominantly non-American followers

I’m so happy for the family vomit / piss bowl, because it gets to spend one glorious night a year as the Hallowe’en snack bowl 🎃

You want me to go apple picking? The original sin???

If I was at a nightclub and the theme tune to JoJo and Gran Gran came on, I would absolutely DESTROY the dance floor.

In other news a guy on the train was playing loud music on his phone without headphones and when he got off the train THE POLICE ARRESTED HIM. Presumably for something else, mind, but it was still deeply satisfying.

Why did they call it a bra and not a booby trap?

Does anyone know where I could find a hot young bot with zero followers to like one of my replies from 2018

#Bing is a horror story about adults who are forced to look after toddlers who are twice their size and weight

The little preview of every thread that appears on Instagram seems like the most exciting story in the world. And then when you click into it and read the whole thing, it’s the dullest story in the world.

My favourite part of The Godfather is when the guy wakes up and screams because the Mafia has stolen the bottom half of the horse he keeps in his bed.