God
@TheTweetOfGod
Followers
5,990,027
Following
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220
Statuses
12,362
Come join Me at @TheTweetOfGod @universeodon .com. Still can't help plugging My book "The Book of Pslams" out now:
Heaven
Joined October 2010
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Pinned Tweet
Well, I'm out.
This is My final tweet.
From now on you can find Me at .
It's been a great ride, and the ride continues.
Fuck you Elon Musk, you anti-union, megalomaniacal, X Æ A-XII-son-calling piece of shit.
Please retweet this and then join Me.
Bye.
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It’s only been a few hours and Stephen Hawking already mathematically proved, to My face, that I don’t exist.
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My aim's not what it used to be.
Striking photo captures bolt of lightning behind the U.S. capitol as widespread severe weather moves east.
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No. No. Negative. Untrue. False. Incorrect. In no way the case. No.
NEW: Trump rallies evangelical supporters: "We have God on our side"
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In an ideal scenario the President of the United States and the worst human being in the world would be two different people.
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When a rapist gets a woman pregnant, only one of them should be considered a criminal.
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No.
Former congresswoman Michele Bachmann has a personal request for God: "Lord, would you allow Donald Trump to have a second term as president of the United States."
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Fuck you asshole.
School shooting in Texas. Early reports not looking good. God bless all!
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One day someone should start a religion based on the teachings of Jesus Christ.
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I don't.
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YOU'RE WELCOME.
Tonight,
@FLOTUS
and I tested positive for COVID-19. We will begin our quarantine and recovery process immediately. We will get through this TOGETHER!
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I meant on a date.
Pastor: God wants Trump to "take out" Kim Jong Un
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What the fuck, Twitter.
Seriously.
What the fuck.
What the fuck is this.
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Most people who doubt women's claims of assault do NOT doubt a 2,000-year-old book's claims that I had a son who rose from the dead.
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Donald Trump killed his personal assistant, Carolyn Gombell, in October 2000. He strangled her because he'd gotten her pregnant and was threatening to tell the press. Then he bribed NYPD Police Chief Bernie Kierik to cover it up. IT'S TIME TO INVESTIGATE.
#JusticeForCarolyn
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America: where a black man can't take a knee on a football field for thirty seconds, but a white cop can take a knee on his neck for eight minutes.
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@realDonaldTrump
No. You lost. You're a loser. You're a huge loser. You're the biggest loser the world has ever known. You are many other negative things, but above all you are The Ultimate Loser.
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Don't tell Me what to do, shitbag.
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Abortion should only be permitted in cases of rape, incest, and when the woman chooses it.
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UPDATE: Doctors at Walter Reed say the President is “in hypocritical condition”.
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If gay people are a mistake, they're a mistake I've made hundreds of millions of times, which proves I'm incompetent and shouldn't be relied upon for anything.
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Instagram and Facebook are currently not working, as are democracy, society and a healthy sense of self.
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See you all soon!
Over 1,200 people attend Louisiana church service, defying coronavirus ban: "We will continue"
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Don't you ever fucking quote Me again, you hideous witch.
“This is what the Lord said: I have heard your prayer and seen your tears. I will heal you.” 2 Kings 20:5
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What the fuck is wrong with Me?
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Ain't listenin' bitch.
Presidential spiritual adviser Paula White is currently leading an impassioned prayer service in an effort to secure Trump's reelection.
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Privilege doesn't get much whiter than making a Roman-era Palestinian look like this.
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No it didn’t.
He’s still President.
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Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day.
Teach a man to fish, he'll contribute to the global overdepletion of the ocean.
So give him a salad, maybe.
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My GPS sucks.
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What part of the Bible did you get that from, Joe?
The part with all the guns in it?
I have a right to speak my mind, practice my religion, freely assemble, and carry a firearm.
These rights come from God, not government.
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I'd love to tell you this is a sign from Me, but it's actually just a promotion for a gay bar in Georgetown.
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Happy birthday to President Trump, who is a fucking piece of shit.
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I TOOK BETTY WHITE?!?
NOW?!?
I am a terrible, horrible, cruel, miserable God.
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This is a scary time for young men who commit sexual assault and want to get away with it.
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Fuck you.
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No. Fuck you.
TODAY IS A NATIONAL DAY OF PRAYER. GOD BLESS EVERYONE!
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It was a prank call.
Author: Pence thinks God is "calling him" to be president-in-waiting
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Will the owners of the blue planet between Venus and Mars please attend to your vehicle.
It is overheating.
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Attention: Will the owners of a blue planet with plate tectonics please attend to your vehicle. It is overheating.
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I'm going to turn the universe off and then back on again and see if that works.
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Admission to heaven is 90% determined by spelling and grammar.
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Say what you like about the President, but you have to admit: he's a fucking piece of shit.
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I am now both the biggest unverified account on Twitter and the biggest unverified entity in the universe.
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This account doesn't mock God. This account IS God. I am the King of the Universe, the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End, and just the shit in general.
And if you don't believe Me, you can go to hell.
Or Facebook.
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Try not to take yourself too seriously. After all, you're an idiot.
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If anything happens to My Twitter account, I want you always to remember how little I cared about any of you.
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If you want to keep dangerous weapons out of the hands of the mentally ill, don't elect them President.
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Just because Jesus died for your sins doesn’t mean you should keep committing them, assholes.
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No.
I am so proud of our great Country. God bless America!
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Everyone's asking to skip forward to 2021.
Trust Me, you don't want that.
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This Thanksgiving I am grateful to everyone who doesn’t believe in Me for trying to keep the world safe from everyone who does.
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It's shut.
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