beeker
@blaketmac
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these tweets are not my thoughts.
Joined November 2012
Waiting for leftovers to heat up in the microwave
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Bradley Cooper is Balls
Who wants bagels? Bradley Cooper is Balls in IS THIS THING ON? Now playing in select theaters. Get tickets now. #IsThisThingOn
https://t.co/65zsGzaWuq
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Has anyone lived long enough to buy a second bottle of worcestershire sauce?
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when everyone on the call agrees to circle back after the holidays
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Every email I’ve sent out today I’ve gotten an out of office response. Must be nice
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Reported as pornography
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why are people so scared to run things over with their car like thats the point
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I am my own worst enemy. And thus, as the enemy of my enemy, my best friend.
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Signing a kicker in week 17 while 3-12
The Arizona Cardinals have signed K Joshua Karty from the Rams practice squad & DB Kalen King from the Panthers practice squad @PHNX_Cardinals
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Every year this comes up and every year i’m like “it can’t actually be bad, that’s just meme-tinting” And then there’s that pregnant pause right before the jingle comes in and it’s like Yeah
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my stupid chud sons after opening their tractor supply spears under the tree on Christmas morning
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Are you guys even paying attention or am I flying for nothing
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