B.J. Novak
@bjnovak
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Joined April 2009
What did you think of Inglourious Basterds?
Django Unchained is the most racist movie I have ever seen, it sucked!.
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When I met @mindykaling she lived in a small apartment on Fairfax Ave. This is what’s in front of that building today. Congrats Mindy and a future congrats to all those who see you in it and are inspired to do great things. @WrinkleInTime
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I'm starting to think maybe we shouldn't have built our whole country on an Indian burial ground.
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I don't know about you but I plan on staring directly at the sun.
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No prob = no problem.All good = continue as you are but you are dead to me.
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Love Valentine’s Day, love New Year’s Eve, love taking the SATs, just love high pressure situations and extreme expectations in general.
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My dad, a Canadian: “I can’t believe Americans turned a single meal into a five day holiday”.
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Don’t you love when the other person checks their phone and you’re like “don’t mind if I do”.
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If you want two men to have a heart to heart just put a microphone in front of them and tell them it’s a podcast.
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Is applesauce the only sauce that people are supposed eat by itself?Please share widely.
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Sun Chips should have Vitamin D. That’s all I have to contribute to the world today.
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Not to go all Kanye, but: pepper doesn’t deserve to be on every restaurant table next to salt.
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“Welcome to our house. Here are the four nearly identical giant remote controls for the TV. This one has the power button, this one changes channels, this one is for volume, and this one we don’t know what it does”.
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Kids: skip your summer reading. No one is going to check. Read whatever you want.
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If you give me food in a container you will never get the container back, I don’t care if it is diamond encrusted Tupperware that has been in your family for generations.
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I have always and will always love Bob Saget.
Special New EP Today with my friend @bjnovak — Loved talking with B.J. so much about The Office, his movie roles, @ThePremise -his show I love on FX on Hulu, and more- He’s so dammed funny and talented. @allthingscomedy @ApplePodcasts
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Remember to wash your hands with soap and water for twenty seconds. And, before biting an apple, rub it briefly on the shirt you’ve been wearing all day.
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I’m on my phone 16 hours a day? Great, that means I’m getting a solid 8 hours sleep.
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I guess I'm a genius because I actually had a bad feeling about this guy quite a while ago.
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Like we’re not all just going to be on our phones for this extra hour.
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It was so much fun, Bob. For everyone who knew you. It was just so much fun. You loved everyone and everyone loved you. And always will. You are still here.
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wait. why was this not a storyline?! 💞.
Happy Birthday @bjnovak ! I love this photo of us all dolled up and will probably post it every year on your birthday. Yay! Hope you are having a great day!😘🎂🎉
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Twenty more minutes of fly jokes guys, let’s keep it moving.
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I am so excited to announce the premiere of my long awaited comedy anthology series. (long awaited by me). B.J. Novak Presents: The Premise. Sept. 16. @FXNetworks @hulu
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Your writing keeps getting better with everything you do. I have one question: how dare you.
TODAY IS THE DAY! My new collection of essays, Nothing Like I Imagined is out on Amazon! These were SO MUCH FUN to write and I hope you enjoy them. Check them out and let me know what you think! @AmazonPub
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Plastic straws are wasteful. Paper straws are, too. Aluminum straws are expensive. But I know this much: we need some sort of tubing system.
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My phone can hold twenty hours of podcasts I forgot to erase but apparently not more than about six voicemails at the same time.
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If I win this 1.6 billion dollar jackpot and have to split it with like 20 people I’m gonna be so fucking pissed.
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Hit retweet if you are having trouble sleeping at night (going for a million retweets here).
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Chip card readers are the hand dryers of financial transactions.
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My Delta flight is less than an hour which I believe means there will be a single unbroken stream of announcements.
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I was born to be a good friend and then you said that you were going to be a little late
Type “I was born” and then let your predictive write your autobiography.
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I'm sorry they won't let you use the words you want to use
If the ban were announced with a one week notice, the "bad" would rush into our country during that week. A lot of bad "dudes" out there!.
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It felt wonderful to be asked “how are you feeling?” this morning before I realized this was our production’s COVID coordinator and this was mandatory question.
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The moon seems to have gotten a new PR team in the past couple of years.
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This is a president who loves – loves – saying inflammatory things to divide Americans.
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Why is “coffeehouse” music so soft & gentle? Shouldn’t it be trying to get you AMPED.
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It’s confusing because the Warriors’ style of play feels cavalier and the Cavaliers play like more like warriors.
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If you're an American and you know the metric system you're a drug dealer.
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Do you ever break a plate at a restaurant just because you need applause.
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It is time for us as a society to talk about Scott’s Tots.
Angela and Jenna are joined by @bjnovak to break down "Scott's Tots" on this week's @officeladiespod!.
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This Mother's Day, give your mother the gift of broadcasting your love for her on a social media platform she doesn't understand.
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The greatest show in the history of television is Sesame Street.
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This is my dream show. I can’t wait to make it. Thank you @FXNetworks.
BJ Novak Anthology Series Gets Greenlight at FX
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Want to hear something really crazy? All the Halloween stuff you see popping up already is for NEXT Halloween.
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I don’t mean to be cynical but sometimes it almost feels like Nabisco invented National Oreo Day.
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Tuesday is a day you will be asked about for the rest of your life. Don't say that you didn't make a choice.
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I was so excited to recommend this funny, heartfelt, intelligent, unpredictable and inspired little TV show that my friend made. then found out it’s, like, literally the most popular shown in the fuckin’ world. Congrats @mindykaling @loulielang @neverhaveiever
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