Girls be like, "I don't know why my entire body hurts today, it's not like I did anything crazy last night.."

Whoever said I can’t cook hasn’t tried my 10pm handful of shredded cheese

When will people get any sort of awareness that they are, in fact, not the only person in the bar? You very obviously see me doing things, it’s crazy that you have the audacity to raise your hand and yell at me because you need something RIGHT NOW.

Dear Apple, at no point will I ever text someone “he’ll yeah”

Yesterday I overheard a grown man give his date of birth as 2002 and in my mind that made him about 3 years old.

Welcome back from vacation I guess.

We have this annoying 50 something year old regular who always orders mixed shots as tall drinks and never tips. Last night he ordered a Morgan, Malibu, Jack, Vodka and Coke. First, gross. Second, what the actual fuck.

growing up you always heard bread, milk, eggs before a big storm no clue why what are your essentials? I'd probably go cheese, pasta, wine but that's me

Mood. #GoPackGo

12:30 am on NYE: “hey! Can I ask you, what’s in a Bloody Mary?” Nope, sure can’t.

Someone prank called the bar tonight and said, “I’m looking for my brother that I left there earlier, his name is Gabe, will you go ask around for him? Last name is Owners.” So there I was, running around the bar asking for Gay Boners until someone pointed it out to me.

If there was ever a day to use your blinkers, the day before Christmas Eve is definitely it.

The Bears being good was not on my 2025 bingo card.

i’m always running but my feet lead back to u

I stg I will never learn my lesson and now I have to run errands in a blizzard when I wake up tomorrow. Today I suppose cuz ✨bartender hours✨

Okay this way this is packaged is SO CUTE! Makes me wanna order more things from @grabbitz 🦋🥹

Of course I would want to fight 3 grown men at a sporting event, do you even know me? #GoPackGo

Why does this announcer at the @Broncos game sound like he’s reading a recipe from his grandma’s recipe book?

Trying to fall asleep and Creed is stuck in my head

Okay I know I said I was grounded, but @Griz announced shows at the @ArmoryMn and who am I to say no to him.

I wish @ILLENIUM would put out a Christmas album