Midwest vs. Everybody
@midwestern_ope
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Representing and defending THE #1 region || insta: midwestvseverybody
Midwest
Joined February 2018
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Pinned Tweet
When your mom isn’t looking so you put an item in the cart
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The only true way to get rid of a mosquito bite
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Midwesterners be like:
No Yeah = Yes
Yeah no = No
Yeah no for sure = Definitely
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Midwest language be like:
No Yeah = Yes
Yeah no = No
Yeah no for sure = Definitely
No yeah no = Oh no, you’re fine
Yeah no yeah = I’m sorry, but unfortunately, the answer is yes
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Travis Kelce Zach Wilson
locating Taylor locating Donna
Swift in the Kelce in the
skybox skybox
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Like any good dip, there are 8 layers to a Midwestern goodbye:
- about to leave warning
- a "we've gotta go" statement
- hugs
- walking to the doorway
- one more conversation in the doorway
- more hugs
- talking while everyone's piling in the doorway
- placing hand on doorknob
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I think about this tweet once a month
The fact that Wisconsin hasn’t taken over the upper peninsula from Michigan tells me everything I need to know about those cowards
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Midwest dads:
gets bill at restaurant: "what’s the damage”
tightens strap on back of truck: “that’s not going anywhere”
flips over a piece of meat on the grill: “oh yeah that’s money right there”
asked what time it is: “time for you to get a watch”
answers the phone: “YELLO”
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Midwesterners will forgive but they never forget
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Speak midwestern 101
No Yeah = Yes
Yeah no = No
Yeah no for sure = Definitely
Yeah no yeah = I’m sorry, but unfortunately, the answer is yes
No yeah no = oh no, you’ve got nothing to worry about
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The temperature went from 90 to 55 like it saw a state trooper
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The 8 levels of midwestern anger
8. “Woah woah woah”
7. “Hold your horses”
6. “Jeez Louise”
5. “For Heaven’s sake””
4. “If I had a nickel for every time”
3. “Well, now wait a minute”
2. “For Pete’s sake”
1. “Listen here pal”
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Midwesterners be like:
No Yeah = Yes
Yeah no = No
Yeah no for sure = Definitely
Yeah no yeah = I’m sorry, but unfortunately, the answer is yes
No yeah no = oh no, you’ve got nothing to worry about
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“Do you want 23 chunks of cheese?”
“No that’s okay”
“We’ve breaded and deep fried them”
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Midwest Thanksgiving:
⊂_ヽ
＼＼ ope, excuse me
＼( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
> ⌒ヽ
/ へ＼
/ / ＼＼just gonna sneak
ﾚ ノ ヽ_つ
/ /
/ /|
( (ヽ
| |、＼right by ya
| 丿 ＼ ⌒)
| | ) /
ノ ) Lﾉ
(_) and grab me some stuffing
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My brain:
*don’t say it*
*don’t say it*
*don’t say it*
*don’t say it*
*don’t say it*
“That must be tough to drive up in the winter”
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*Midwesterner when it’s -5 degrees out*
Their brain:
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Them:
If it wasn’t for this wind it’d be pretty nice out
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midwest culture is:
-driving with the windows down when it’s 47 degrees out bc “it’s
finally nice outside”
-saying goodbye 20 times and standing around talking for another half hour while slowly inching your way out the door
-apologizing to your car after hitting a pothole
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midwesterners when it hits a high of 40
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Midwesterners love to say the following things at restaurants:
- (when the line is getting long behind them) “We came at the right time!”
- (when getting the check) “Alright, what’s the damage?”
- (coming out of the bathroom) “You ready to rock and roll?”
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Midwest life is this on repeat until someone passes away
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If you ask a Midwesterner ”how are you” and they respond “well, im here” or “oh it’s going” send help immediately. It’s a desperate cry for help that loosely translates to “i need you to push me off the roof.”
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I am a
⚪️ Male
⚪️ Female
🔘 Midwesterner
Looking for
⚪️ bug spray
⚪️ Bonfire
🔘 a corn maze pumpkin patch
apple orchard and haunted
house
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*Midwesterners validating weather*
-20 out: “it wouldn’t be that cold without the wind”
99 degrees: “i’m only sweating because of the humidity”
20 degrees: “honestly if ya stand in the sun it’s not that bad”
47 degrees: driving with the windows down bc it’s finally “nice out”
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Midwest Thanksgiving:
⊂_ヽ
＼＼ ope, excuse me
＼( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
> ⌒ヽ
/ へ＼
/ / ＼＼just gonna sneak
ﾚ ノ ヽ_つ
/ /
/ /|
( (ヽ
| |、＼right by ya
| 丿 ＼ ⌒)
| | ) /
ノ ) Lﾉ
(_) and grab some stuffing
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Midwest peer pressure is when your neighbor just mowed their lawn and you now have 24 hours to respond
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Friday nights for kids in the Midwest:
“Meet at McDonald’s”
“I’m bored let’s go drive around”
“Bonfire party tonight”
*Walking around Walmart or the
mall for fun*
“Let’s go to Steak ‘n Shake”
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“I think we landed” is the most midwestern response ever after a near death experience
BREAKING: A plane slid off a runway as it was landing at O'Hare Airport as snow fell on the Chicago area Monday morning.
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Fish waking up in the Chicago River on St. Patrick’s Day
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The first time The 8567th time
Seeing cows seeing cows
On the side of on the side of
the road the road
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8 levels of midwestern anger
8. “Woah woah woah”
7. “Hold your horses”
6. “Jeez Louise”
5. “Listen here pal”
4. “If I had a nickel for every time”
3. “Well, now wait a minute”
2. “For Pete’s sake”
1. “Son of a gun”
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I am a midwesterner and I am
🔘Cold
🔘Not cold
☑️Wouldn’t be that bad without the wind
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*Midwest dad at a restaurant who just paid his bill*
His Brain:
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Dad:
"You guys ready to rock and roll?"
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Dollar General when they see an open field in the smallest Midwest town
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I am a midwesterner and I am
🔘Cold
🔘Not cold
☑️Wouldn’t be that bad without the wind
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Dads waiting for menards to open on a Saturday morning is peak Midwest
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Shorts and hoodie weather this week. If you see a Midwesterner smiling and enjoying themselves, leave them be. This is a spiritual time for us.
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“We’re expecting snow”
“How much?”
Midwest forecast:
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Fav if you’re from the Midwest and insulted by this map
Map showing the favorite Thanksgiving Day pie by region. Discuss.
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Ope
| 👀 |
\ /
____| |_____
/ ✊__/
\_✊
hold on lemme just
| 👀 |
\ /
____| |_____
/__✊ \
👋_/
sneak by ya
| 🕶 |
\ 👅 /
____| |_____
/ ✊__/
\_✊
and grab some ranch
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WHAT DO WE WANT????
|￣￣￣￣￣￣|
| Spring. |
| |
|＿＿＿＿＿＿|
(\__/) ||
(•ㅅ•) ||
/ づ
WHEN DO WE WANT IT????
|￣￣￣￣￣￣|
| NOW |
|＿＿＿＿＿＿|
(\__/) ||
(•ㅅ•) ||
/ づ
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midwest nice is putting your paper plate upside down in the trash so you don’t offend whoever made the stuff you didn’t eat
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In the Midwest “I’ll let you know” means we’re not coming
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*Drops phone*
My brain-
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Me - “ope”
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Midwestern folk units of measurement:
Next door= 1-2 miles
Right up the road= 5-10 miles
Up North= 15-100 miles
A couple miles= 10-20 miles
Not too far= 20-50 minutes
A little ways= over an hour
A pretty good drive= 2 hours +
Drive down there= literally any direction
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Stop talking trash about different Midwest states:
Minnesota is ICONIC
Wisconsin is INSPIRING
Ohio is MAGNIFICENT
Michigan is STELLAR
Illinois
Iowa is CUTTING EDGE
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The Midwest urge to put leftover napkins in the glove compartment
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Every Midwest Dad watching football tonight
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If you can’t You don’t
handle me deserve me at
at my worst my other worst
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Midwestern families on vacation:
*goes to take picture*
“Ope”
*removes lens cap*
“That would probably help huh”
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ppl from the Midwest be “why would I fly when it’s only a 15 hr drive”
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*midwesteener hits a curb*
“Ope”
*hits 2 curbs*
“Ope. Ope.”
*hits a pothole*
“I’m so sorry car”
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“What’s it like living in the Midwest?”
Midwesterners:
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“watch for deer” is the Midwest way of saying “I love you”
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Nobody:
Midwesterners: why would I fly when it’s only a 14 hour drive?
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Nobody appreciates a 50 degree day in March more than people that live in the Midwest. People start acting totally different. It’s prime shorts and hoodie weather, time to fire up the grill, roll the windows down in the car. It’s a spiritual time for us midwesterners.
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“We can’t have a blizzard in November”
Midwest: hold my corn
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If you live in one of these states you accept a compliment by explaining how you got the item at a significant discount
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⚠️ tornado warning seek shelter immediately
Midwesterners:
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How cold is it in the midwest?
(credit: taylor_scallon)
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Midwest nice is putting your paper plate upside down in the trash at the BBQ so you don’t offend whoever made the stuff you didn’t eat
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Midwesterners online: "-60°? Ha, maybe I'll wear a light jacket haha"
Midwesterners in private, to their friends: "Shit man I don't know how much longer we can keep this facade up this is actually hell I can't walk outside without my eyeballs freezing over"
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Let’s solve this like adults
RT for Quiktrip Like for Casey’s
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Take a drink every time a Midwesterner says “it’s not so bad out today now that the wind has died down”
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driving in the midwest:
🌽🌽🌽| || |🌽🌽🌽
🌽🌽🌽| 🚘 || |🌽🌽🌽
🌽🌽🌽| || |🌽🌽🌽
🌽🌽🌽| || |🌽🌽🌽
🌽🌽🌽| || |🌽🌽🌽
🌽🌽🌽| || |🌽🌽🌽
🌽🌽🌽| || 🦌|🌽🌽🌽
🌽🌽🌽| || |🌽🌽🌽
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The official walls of I grew up in the Midwest
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“Tornado warning, everyone please find shelter immediately”
midwesterners:
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I am a
⚪️ Male
⚪️ Female
🔘 Midwesterner
Looking for
⚪️ Spring
⚪️ Electricity
🔘 Shorts & hoodie weather
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The Midwestern urge to take a handful of napkins from any restaurant and put them in the glove box
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Alright midwest what’s this game
called
RT: cornhole
Fav: bags
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I believe in science. I also believe 60° in September is colder than 60° in April.
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midwesterners lose their shit when that 45° weather hits lmfao
bouta go to work in a pair of shorts lmao
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Things in Midwestern homes that just make sense
1. Beer fridge
2. Junk drawer
3. Lawn chairs in the garage
4. Plastic bag full of plastic bags
5. Storage on top of the fridge
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It’s prime shorts and hoodie weather. A sacred time for midwesterners. Nothing can stand in our way today
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📍Midwesterners
|
|
| _ _ _ _ _
|
📍 Flying |
_ _ _ _ _ _|
|
|
|
|
📍Driving because it’s only 14 hours away
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