Albertina Rizzo
@albz
Followers
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Writer for TV. Very successful person. Thank you.
Joined January 2009
Most days Twitter is just a hole with a pile of dried leaves covering it.
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Tim Walz: “We’re pro women”.JD Vance: “I know a woman, she’s watching, hello woman”.
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We laughed but Female Body Inspector is about to be an official cabinet position.
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Does anyone do a good Hannity phone impression cuz I think we figured out how to solve this fucking nightmare.
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I bet when Stephen Miller found out he might be communications director he went home and told all his jars.
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"Yeah, by the pussy. I know. anyway, can I count on you to. hello?"
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Today Khloe Kardashian used Instagram to post something about the situation in Aleppo & the President-elect used Twitter to bash Vanity Fair.
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Anytime I see Martin Shkreli trending I assume Trump gave him a cabinet position.
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“Go fuck yourself.” - Italian Proverb
“Those who say it can not be done, should not interrupt those doing it.” -Chinese Proverb.
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The only job Stephen Miller is fit for is opening the creaky castle door for people whose cars broke down in Transylvania.
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The energy among friends right now has me thinking I am going to see a sailor kissing a nurse on the street tomorrow.
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Trump priorities- Economy: nope. Education: nope. Workers: nope. Veterans: nope. Hurting the most vulnerable and marginalized: yep.
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For the spank bank.
Congressional districts in Orange County, Calif. in 2016 and in 2018
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Well, just when I couldn’t love my hometown more, a friend sent this clip of NY’ers giving their nightly 7pm appreciation cheer for hospital workers. Proud of NYC and of the guy who got his hands on a vuvuzela.
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Tell people the vaccine builds collagen and see how quickly LA reaches immunity.
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Okay, one last question "How do you live with yourself?".
Sarah Sanders threatens to end the press briefing if people ask her more questions about Trump's trans policy
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This is a real photo I just took in Wisconsin. That's all. Have a good day. http://t.co/I5vFMkkD9J.
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Paying to be on this app would be like paying admission to be locked in a public toilet.
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Sending two texts in a row.
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Differentiating weekdays and weekends during quarantine is like someone having a birthday party for their dog. Sure, we’ll go along with it but, c’mon.
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Tomorrow you can register and vote day in these states same day. If you or anyone you know is eligible and still not registered, tomorrow is your chance to be heard.
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Anyone else think it's hilarious that the party who holds the most seats in govt/holds all the cards is yelling that America isn't run well?.
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I’ll say it again: we’re all on a site that is quick to kick off comedians for jokes but refuses to hold an insane man threatening nuclear war accountable for his tweets. Twitter is Trump’s platform. Time to rethink being on here.
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So is James Cameron gonna explain the coup now or what’s happening.
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Not to tell Jeff Bezos how to run his life, but he could buy Fox News and make a lot of problems go away.
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"The Expendables" casting process is basically down to anyone who ate at Planet Hollywood at some point.
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Props to Eva Mendes and Ryan Gosling 4 dropping babies like Beyoncé drops albums.
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My mom thinks Americans are stressed due to overhead lighting.
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Not only does Hillary have to battle pneumonia but she also has to battle the diarrhea she's running against.
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Tonight I quote every person I've ever blocked for the last 8 years: "He's not my President.".
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A lot of being an adult is either putting off or waiting to get something framed.
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Not a priority, but wasn’t this White House supposed to have a cat.
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"I think that makes him a genius, cuz he figured out a different place to grab women." -Giuliani tomorrow.
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Babies love to shake things, but hate to be shaken. It's like, pick a side, babies.
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When you call Pulitzer Prize winning investigate journalism "fake news" your ass will get caught, ya dum dum.
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Trump has called women pigs, ugly, fat, bragged about sexually assaulting them (on tape), called Mexicans rapists, defended white supremacists, the list goes on and on. Point is: anyone can call him and his garbage family whatever the fuck they want.
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Just imagine if Sarah Huckabee Sanders could hear what the guy she's defending DEFINITELY says about her appearance behind her back.
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Apple pls stop making us fix “ducking” on autocorrect we have been through enough as a society.
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If there were any sense in this world, tonight’s debate would be moderated by Jiminy Glick.
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Respectfully Al Pacino looks like he thought the Oscars were yesterday.
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You don't know me.
Penguins poop with between five and ten times the force a human does to shoot their poop away from their clean nests.
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Have decided to start posting pictures of Phil Collins once a week. Week 1: Here's Phil Collins. http://t.co/7g6hDxpF50.
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There's no place like home. Unless you're a bee, in which case home is a terrible place filled with bees.
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Sebastian Gorka gives off a "Dude who's really vague about why he goes to Thailand every couple of months" vibe.
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Prob my favorite part of the Kim K snap is that for a brief moment it distracted us from the fact the world is truly on fire.
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I saw "Hamilton" and never posted a picture of me holding the program, if anyone's taking Nobel Prize submissions.
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James Carville always looks like switched into clothes he keeps in the trunk of his car.
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I really do believe Trump has never met JD Vance and never will.
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My period lasts longer than a cabinet position in the White House.
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This is the first time I've felt hope in almost exactly a year.
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"I make my own jewelry" is a good term for "I'm pretty and unemployed".
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When a friend tells me they're thinking about starting an Etsy store.
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It is so fucking embarrassing that we could cease to exist because someone let the guy from "The Apprentice" be in charge.
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Hey GOP! We will never, ever forget you stood by a pedophile. See you in 2018, dickwads!.
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FYI If you think people are marching this weekend because they're just angry they lost an election, boy oh boy. Ya dumb as hell.
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This sounds like a thing a totally non-missing person tweets to let us know they’re fine.
I see the media is working overtime speculating where I am & what I'm doing. Rest assured, I'm here at the @WhiteHouse w my family, feeling great, & working hard on behalf of children & the American people!.
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What better time to tell you about @IronStache who is running in Wisconsin and could use your help!.
After some uproar, Paul Ryan said he's working to "modernize" the dress code in parts of the US Capitol building
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I’ve learned to cook complicated things and make interesting cocktails which is hilarious considering that after all this I’m going to restaurants for the rest of my life.
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Would watch an entire show about people who think they have money on their Metrocard and then get hit in the crotch by a turnstile.
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That's so interesting cuz I think any man who says he wants to grab women by the pussy shouldn't be President.
Sarah Huckabee Sanders thinks calling Trump a white supremacist is a "fireable offense"
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I apologize to all dogs for ever underestimating the sheer joy of a car ride.
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Hey electoral college: Be the hero for once in your life and flip the script.
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Trump reacts to news the way a toddler does to seeing things in a movie.
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I 👏🏼don't 👏🏼understand 👏🏼why👏🏼this👏🏼emoji👏🏼is👏🏼used👏🏼like👏🏼this👏🏼in👏🏼tweets.
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If you’re a server at the TGIFridays in Penn Station, today was your “Hurt Locker”.
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I am very scared woman. My husband hold me hostage in big gold house. Please send help.
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Think it's time we all pitch in and get the 9th Circuit a big ol' Nordstrom gift card! #9thcircut.
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