Trevor Moore
@TrevorLess
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a very special boy. Go Celtics
Massachusetts
Joined August 2014
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Pinned Tweet
HR LADY: And it says here under Emergency Contacts you just wrote "FIRE TRUCK"
ME: [visibly excited] Fire truck
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a wee Moet
a wee Moet
a wee Moet
a wee Moet
a wee Moet
in the jungle the mighty jungle
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people often ask how I met my fiancé. the answer is that 5 years ago she saw this Bumble profile and was like, “I guess”
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Need to “just take a quick break” from your family this holiday season? Just sit on the toilet for 7-10 minutes looking at this app and become insane by reading people’s dumb ass thoughts
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BREAKING: Mayor Declares State Of Emergency As Boys Approach Town
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@Emilio63973825
@FLKDayton
this side-by-side is the most convincing evidence that they're not the same person
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good evening, I'm Patrick Grand Cherokee and I'm here to do a sex
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your current self is zapped back to September 2, 2001. how much of 9/11 do you think you could prevent. if you’d like, please reply with your reasoning and methodology
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sorry
watching an old ass episode of jeopardy. see a cute guy. find him online and boom….he got married DAYS ago. hate to see it.
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@AGoldmund
yeah, she was like "oh you're the dumbass on the right?" but i won her over somehow
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@IdahoBones
I love to studiously avoid mentioning the name of a place with more than 100k residents in a conversation so I don’t elicit The Reaction
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coronavirus does not scare me in the least. i am large and the virus is very small. i will defeat it if confronted
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@TexasGOP
i wouldn't call a GOP congressional staffer a "productive member of society" but don't let that stop you
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To whom it may concern:
Why may it concern you?
Warm regards,
The Warm Regarder
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@TaylorAdvocate
@APStylebook
oh wow you've made your WHOLE life about hating people huh? like you've tweeted thousands and thousands of times about nothing else
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@virgiltexas
wake up mr mcfarlane, it's a beautiful autumn tuesday and you've got a world to conquer
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I’m at my friend’s parents house desperately restraining myself from saying “Mrs. Thompson, I was admiring your jugs in the shower”
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one thing i realized is that, even as a person who ~pays attention, my recall of specifics isn't great: without looking it up, i only remember a few names, only 2 of the flight numbers, 3 of the origins - so a lot of room for error
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to predict some questions:
-you and your clothes are transported back, no devices or other materials
-your 2001 self still exists at the same time, whether you contact them is up to you
-you have no proof you're from the future, so convincing people is part of the question
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you cannot seriously expect me to believe that there is a person just walking around called "Rupert Grint." this is unacceptable
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in my day people logged on to see the latest chess move
now a days people log on to see the latest Chest Boob
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got kicked out of the Very Legit crypto investing group chat i got added to on Whatsapp :(
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"I may not look like much, but I clean up Nice" - amorphous French sanitation worker
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HS freshman English. we had to write an essay about an aspect of internet culture. this kid Aaron wrote about pornography. he got back his paper. our teacher circled every one of the dozens of times Aaron had written "porno." Aaron showed me & said "I guess he really likes porno"
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i'm Budd Dwyer, and this is the Press Conference
considering the funniest possible guest stars that could do a cold open on jackass
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my app idea is BreadMile. it tells you how many bread are around you within one mile
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what are the odds that they're saying this because they don't want to pay the bodega guy the reward money
Law enforcement officials say the person who tipped off police about the man wanted in the Brooklyn subway shooting was the suspect himself. Frank James called the NYPD's tip line to say he was inside a McDonald’s restaurant in Manhattan.
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Rest In Power to a real one. Hard to overstate the effect his work has had on my life, from how I learned to the people I’ve met. A true great.
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Ok, First off mom hes not an "army man" he's Optimus Prime. Second im not "playing" with him. Im jacking him off
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[me on a date]
ME: ah! something’s stuck to my foot!
DATE:
ME: Gross! what is this?
DATE:
ME: Some kind of weird grape?
DATE:
ME: oh okay. I get it
DATE:
ME: childish
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ME: And around 2012 you could get a TV job and a hot girlfriend by tweeting stuff like "What idiot called it a suicide pact and not tie dying?"
TREVOR "TRE" MOORE III: That is such a cool memory and I respect you so much. Let's pivot back to the will real quick
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ME: It's important to appear respectable on Twitter because people you email for work are on here and many of them are serious people
ALSO ME: I love to feed turds to my friend Toilet
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i found the twitter account of the guy who burned the ballot dropoff box in boston and lmao
me too I like drinking my cum when my my mistress have sex phone
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canvassing is fun. Turns out being able to speak even a small amount of Spanish can be incredibly helpful. Sign up, knock some doors, it’s easy and good for your brain
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wow dang this blew up! nothing to plug really. maybe take socialism for a spin, see how that grabs ya.
and to everyone who says this is a phishing/social engineering scam: you're right, and i'm stealing your nudes from the mainframe as we speak
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thinking about becoming a vocally pro-vax, but inexplicably strident anti-booster type of guy. could be a good lane, and probably too stupid a position to have much competition
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BOYS have "swag"
MEN have "Benign prostatic hyperplasia also known as an enlarged prostate"
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in 2006 I was short on cash and gift ideas, but long on time and drugs. That formula led to the creation of perhaps the funniest gift I’ve ever given. It has leaned against various walls in my parents home since then, and has never been hung up
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@sdshelt
@maxberger
@Timcast
i am not sure I understand the joke. it seems normal to me that someone would say how they prefer to be identified?
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giving my 2yo nephew the gift of knowledge this Christmas. Specifically, how to conjure his favorite thing in the world - emergency vehicles - with just three simple numbers
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@foomper
@thatbilloakley
you should do your own grocery shopping
The doordash guy picked up my milk and ice cream and then went the other direction to take care of another order first. I love that.
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the Blue's Clues characters Mr. Salt and Ms. Pepper had a child named Paprika, and for that reason i spent many years assuming paprika is just salt and pepper mixed. like an embarrassing number of years.
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@DavidKlion
this is true, you'd either be a crazy person, an immediate suspect, or someone working against at least some people's interests, depending your interpretation of the phrase "bush did 9/11"
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@Lisa_Connelly
@adamwren
I wonder if the lady with at least 3 Pete references in her online persona has a vested interest in this story
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apropos of very little, a short story about a time i played myself
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@anunsafespace
@_ZachFoster
i took the time to read your comment and i gotta say it doesn’t make any sense
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damn this blew up, not unlike the world trade center in at least 2/3rds of respondents' imagined scenarios.
nothing to plug really, maybe try chocolate milk again if you haven't in a while. pretty good. ok see ya
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@drewtoothpaste
know it's not particularly inspiring, but that *is* an efficient way to store people and retail around transportation hubs. from a sprawl/environmental standpoint, these are way better than the ~one strip mall / ~4 single-family homes you could fit in those spaces
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@WhutAgainNow
pretty odd that you can talk big about other people's genitals but can't post a swear word. grow up
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saw the old guy next to me on the train fav this tweet and then get an iCloud storage warning. he just like me fr
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the brave member of congress deliberating about the insurrection need our support! let's all drive down there and tell them how we feel!
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@RealLostBoyJim
@wokshovel
@DroopySocialwkr
@jeichlerlevine
if you can’t answer why $6000 in food is better than a guy in a mouse costume, you probably can’t be helped
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I used to work with a woman who'd say "I'm going to get a Starbucks" when going for coffee and it pissed me off so much. "A STARBUCKS."
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@sdshelt
@maxberger
@Timcast
interesting. it sounds like people using little words for themselves is what many people call "triggering" for you. i am sorry that you are having such a hard time
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i used to tweet a lot because i had so many thoughts and just had to write at least some of them down. but now i'm lucky to have one thought per day and frankly it's a much better way to live
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wandering the floor asking every rep if “that thing got email”
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my mom got a tesla recently and now i'm worried that a vengeful Elon is just gonna brick all women's cars like a wrathful Olympian
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@TonyMoonbeam
and Charles Barkley was a transcendent rebounder but there's a reason he's not doing it now. turns out he's old and that other people can rebound
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we love the show Alone but simply must ask what the fuck this map is depicting
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@firecat511502
@Emilio63973825
@FLKDayton
i get the impulse to be 100% convinced they're the same person but i don't see any conclusive proof that they are. they look kind of similar but the rest doesn't really add up
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@KatraHigher
@AGoldmund
i think i recall some debate over whether i should include my height, but we concluded that it would water down the message
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i think the states are best equipped handle the pandemic. i cant think of anything that has gone badly when decisions are left up to the states. also while i'm here, most household dust is made of human skin cells and is therefore fully edible
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