Sarah Perry
@SperryComedy
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mediocre female person with crumbs in her bed 🎤
your mother's butt
Joined June 2011
Maybe she's born with it...or maybe it's Maybelline....OR MAYBE SHE EATS A BOWL OF Fettuccine Alfredo EVERY NIGHT BEFORE SHE GOES TO BED AND CURSES EVERY MAN THAT EVER WRONGED HER BECAUSE THAT'S THE ONLY WAY SHE CAN SLEEP AT NIGHT.
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Mom, people on Twitter are discovering Jewish is an ethnicity again
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You’d think this scene alone would get it an R but what do I know
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Guy with no rearview mirrors: "I don't like looking at my past, man. Even if it is a car crash I caused."
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Seen at SXSW Festival, @SperryComedy is coming to Helium for one night only! 🎟️ August 14 🎟️ Get tickets now: https://t.co/qM3EdK0Dfl
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You are currently president
If I'm re-elected, I'm going to restore Roe v. Wade.
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Give them both a pdf, first one that can rotate it gets to be president
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Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy…but a single full time job should be enough to live on, so unionize, maybe
We talked to a Volkswagen worker in Tennessee who does DoorDash after work. The giant automaker generated $19.6 billion in profits last year, but some of its U.S. employees are working two jobs. Today they could win their election to unionize with the @UAW.
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Do celebrities get diarrhea? Can’t imagine Zendaya experiencing what I’m going through right now
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I gotta stop getting high. Last night I spent 2 hours wondering how they get cars to the island of Hawaii.
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Behind every powerful woman is Tony Hale holding her bag.
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i fell into a Burger King deep fryer i turned brown brown brown medical help was required and it burns burns burns that BK fryer that BK fryer
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At this point, every girl I went to high school with has been pregnant for years.
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this is what watching succession on succession sundays felt like
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