NICKY PARIS
@NickyParisBitch
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33,699
Following
886
Media
1,350
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Stand Up Comedian seen on MTV, Wendy Williams, Huffington Post, LOGO, OUT, Elite Daily and more! EMAIL: NICKYPARISCOMEDY @GMAIL .COM
Los Angeles, CA
Joined March 2009
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Pinned Tweet
Did I just become a meme!?!?
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When you put yourself down as a joke and someone agrees
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@kathygriffin
was absolutely brilliant last night. She performed for 3 hours and literally had to cut herself short to finish in time before the curfew. I've never seen a comic do that before. We all need to work harder! GO SEE HER LIVE!
#proudofyou
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Always Remember: It's better to arrive late than to arrive ugly.
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I AM SO EXCITED TO SEE
@kathygriffin
LIVE TOMORROW NIGHT! Truly one of the most genius storytellers and comedic minds of our time. I am so proud of her resilience and strength. Grab your tix for her US Tour here:
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One week left until the world ends. More importantly, I have one week left to have sex with Adam Levine. Time to get busy.
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How hot would it be if Mayweather and McGregor just start making out
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Thank you so much to my girl
@kathygriffin
for reaching out and upgrading my seats for tonight. So excited for tonight!!! Need tix? Grab em’ here
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Who ever locked Bruno Mars out of heaven should also lock him out of the recording studio and do everyone a favor.
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So much fun interviewing
@ScottBaio
this afternoon at
@TheComedyStore
with
@AdamComedian
and
@imdeanmcdermott
🌟
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I'd rather give birth to a rocking chair than listen to someone talk about how much they love their boyfriend 😒
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Having haters does NOT always mean you're doing something right. It could mean that you're a big fucking moron and everyone agrees.
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It was so cool performing for
@SamSmith
last night on
@WhatsupDanny
‘s show with these awesome comics ❤️
@TheComedyStore
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Happy Birthday to the beautiful
@DoveCameron
💖💖💖Hope this year brings you nothing but incredible things
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We all know a girl who think she's a princess. She's a princess alright, Princess Fiona.
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I'd like to take a second to thank Nick Jonas for getting me pregnant through my computer screen
http://t.co/EQSp00IkVt
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Sometimes I think about if I should text you first. Then Fat Amy pops into my head and says "Mmmmmmmm, Better Not."
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And in my darkest moment I pondered: "What would the Cheetah Girls do?"
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@ParisHilton
commented on a meme I made recently and tonight I get to see her DJ a private party at Hammerstein! Two divas, reunited.
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New episode of
@daddyissuesshow
with
@imdeanmcdermott
@AdamComedian
and yours truly is out now with MY GIRL
@thereallisaann
🌟🇮🇹😍 One of my favorites
Watch now via
@TheComedyStore
:
@Spotify
:
@Apple
:
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ONE DIRECTON'S "BEST SONG EVER" WAS VOTED SONG OF THE SUMMER? What? Maybe if you're eleven and spent your summer at Chuck E. Cheese
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Stop chasing people. If someone wants to walk out of your life, hold that door wide open and say "BYE BITCH"
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if you're cutting yourself because Justin Bieber smokes weed, you need to invest in something. And it's called a hobby.
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You can love me or hate me BUT JESUS THINKS IM TO DIE FOR. Happy Easter, Bitch.
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Maleificent was amazing!!! I haven't seen Angelina Jolie look so evil since she stole Jennifer Aniston's husband
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I don't associate myself with people who think they're too good for Taco Bell.
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Everything in life whether we realize it or not, is good. It may be hard to see sometimes, but you must look for the good in everything...
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Maybe I'm old fashioned but I'm 99% certain your shorts should be longer than your vagina....
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You're gonna have a black and blue eye if I see that dress again on my timeline
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*Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are getting divorced*
Jennifer Aniston right now:
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Whenever I'm low on cash I start regretting everything I've ever purchased like why did I buy that chapstick in 2010
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Have you ever just sat back and realized.......... "Wow, I know some pretty ugly people"?
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When I was little my mom said if I ever got kidnapped they would give me back. I think that's rude because I'm a lot of fun.
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I think I'm single because God is saving me for someone really special. Like Adam Levine.
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The Mayans should have put their time to better use and made a Firefighter calendar😌
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Because you know I'm all about dat pizza about dat pizza no salad
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Most People: "I want to be called beautiful, not hot."
Me: "I'll take what I can get"
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You all better fucking promise me that you will never lose sight of your dreams and that you will ALWAYS believe in yourself.
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No one understands the struggle of trying not to sound like a bitch when you are a bitch
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It doesn't matter what color the dress is because it's ugly as fuck
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Life disappoints you sometimes. Get up, stand taller, and don't let anyone steer you off from doing what you believe and love.
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My goal for next year is
@tacobell
making me a brand ambassador and putting me on the red carpet to do their interviews. I'd be fab
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I wish life had a delete button. There is so much I wish I could take back.
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All I want for Christmas is a Nick Jonas nude picture leak
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RIP Joan Rivers- only you could outshine the birthday of Beyonce
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Alex from Target: The story of a boy who went from bagging maxi pads to bagging bitches
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You were my cup of tea but now I drink champagne, bitch
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The awkward moment when you're 99% certain you're going to be single forever....
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RIP Joan Rivers- the world will truly be a less funny place without you ❤️😭
http://t.co/qNJf2cAaEi
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Please God please never let me hear "Happy" by Pharell ever again
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I'm sorry, what are you saying? I don't speak Moron......
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My life would be a lot better if I had just become a Cheetah Girl like I had originally planned
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Every girl has 50 screen shotted quotes waiting in their camera roll ready to post when shit goes down
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Everyone is getting into relationships and I'm over here like I hope I can still get into my jeans today
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I wish my parents would just accept me as the bad bitch I was born to be.
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Being classy is like being straight. If you have to go out of your way to tell people that you are, you're not.
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Backstage at the fabulous
@PrettyWoman
with my loves
@tommybracco
@official_orfeh
and
@Andy_Karl
❤️❤️❤️❤️ SO MUCH TALENT IN ONE PHOTO.
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